Jessjess
23-03-15, 19:32
Hi all
I'm new to posting on this site, but certainly not new to reading threads and articles. I wanted to start a thread about recovery and share my story to hopefully encourage and support others going through this horrible thing we call anxiety.
My anxiety started up summer 2014, although looking back it had gone on much longer. I remember sitting with my boyfriend. And just zoning out on everything he was saying. I couldn't think straight, I felt unreal, like everything was a horrible dream. This feeling stayed with me day after day and my racing thoughts got more intense. I'd spend hours trapped at my desk at work, googling solutions and searching for what was wrong with me. I stopped going out, and became afraid of everything. I couldn't see the point, I felt so panicky and detached. I'd call my parents up and cry and beg them to make it better. I thought was going insane. Schizophrenia, bipolar, multiple personality disorder, you name it- i looked them all up and became more and more terrified that I had these conditions. Every little symptom, every fast heartbeat, every weird thought or intense dream seemed to me a sure sign of madness. I didn't care if I died, I just felt totally alone and frightened.
I knew I needed help so enrolled on cbt course with a brilliant psychologist. I saw her every week, and called her many times in between in tears. Trust me, a good psychologist is a godsend and I slowly began to let her in and talk about my feelings. But the anxiety was still there, I couldn't yet accept it so was fighting it every step. I continued to fight feeling unreal and the more I did this, the worse it was. I was paying attention and assigning meaning to random thoughts, ocd thought patterns and desperately trying to work myself out. I'm writing this because the biggest lesson I learnt was to accept anxiety and all the horrible things that go with it. As my cbt continued I felt strong enough to talk to a doctor and was assigned an antidepressant. Whilst this isn't for everyone, it gave me enough distance from the anxiety to put my cbt into practice.
Nearly a year on and I'm happy. I still have anxiety and always will, but I understand now that fighting it is useless. I accepted the dream feeling and you know what, those episodes became shorter and shorter. I started to challenge my beliefs about my sanity- what was the real evidence I was insane? Nothing but my own thoughts that I was! I'm not on here to preach, or give any sort of advice but I just want people to know it does get better. Stopping the Internet searching for solutions was probably the best thing I did, and I went from being online all day to now sticking to sites like this for when I have a flare up. For me acceptance and cbt has made me feel myself again, and I'm starting to get on and enjoy life.
Just wanted to share, and hopefully if your having a crap time it might help!
I'm new to posting on this site, but certainly not new to reading threads and articles. I wanted to start a thread about recovery and share my story to hopefully encourage and support others going through this horrible thing we call anxiety.
My anxiety started up summer 2014, although looking back it had gone on much longer. I remember sitting with my boyfriend. And just zoning out on everything he was saying. I couldn't think straight, I felt unreal, like everything was a horrible dream. This feeling stayed with me day after day and my racing thoughts got more intense. I'd spend hours trapped at my desk at work, googling solutions and searching for what was wrong with me. I stopped going out, and became afraid of everything. I couldn't see the point, I felt so panicky and detached. I'd call my parents up and cry and beg them to make it better. I thought was going insane. Schizophrenia, bipolar, multiple personality disorder, you name it- i looked them all up and became more and more terrified that I had these conditions. Every little symptom, every fast heartbeat, every weird thought or intense dream seemed to me a sure sign of madness. I didn't care if I died, I just felt totally alone and frightened.
I knew I needed help so enrolled on cbt course with a brilliant psychologist. I saw her every week, and called her many times in between in tears. Trust me, a good psychologist is a godsend and I slowly began to let her in and talk about my feelings. But the anxiety was still there, I couldn't yet accept it so was fighting it every step. I continued to fight feeling unreal and the more I did this, the worse it was. I was paying attention and assigning meaning to random thoughts, ocd thought patterns and desperately trying to work myself out. I'm writing this because the biggest lesson I learnt was to accept anxiety and all the horrible things that go with it. As my cbt continued I felt strong enough to talk to a doctor and was assigned an antidepressant. Whilst this isn't for everyone, it gave me enough distance from the anxiety to put my cbt into practice.
Nearly a year on and I'm happy. I still have anxiety and always will, but I understand now that fighting it is useless. I accepted the dream feeling and you know what, those episodes became shorter and shorter. I started to challenge my beliefs about my sanity- what was the real evidence I was insane? Nothing but my own thoughts that I was! I'm not on here to preach, or give any sort of advice but I just want people to know it does get better. Stopping the Internet searching for solutions was probably the best thing I did, and I went from being online all day to now sticking to sites like this for when I have a flare up. For me acceptance and cbt has made me feel myself again, and I'm starting to get on and enjoy life.
Just wanted to share, and hopefully if your having a crap time it might help!