Hyena
28-03-15, 12:15
Hi everyone. I could really use some support right now, if you have the time to read this please do.
I'm 18, I started having panic attacks two years ago. I only had two full blown ones, and both were in the beggining of all this. However, the worst was the symptoms that came with it.
I've always been an anxious girl. Scared of noises when I was a little kid. But nothing like this. I didn't worry about my health all the time. I do now after those panic attacks because I had no idea what they were so I thought I was dying.
A year and half of medication and therapy, I was feeling good enough to stop it. I could go eith my day without worrying and I had dreams again. I was good enough to left my home, my city, my confort zone to move out for college. I felt anxious the first weeks but I managed to survive for six months. Until last week when my nightmare came back.
I was watching a movie when I felt a sudden pain in my left arm. I got up and my legs started to shake. My heart rate went up and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was all alone at night. I didn't know if I was having a real heart attack or if I was having a anxiety attack ebecauuse I got scared of left arm pain! My mother went to pick me up and I calmed down. Yhankfully I'm on holidays for one week so I don't have to worry about college. But how an I going to be able to come back??
I feel miserable. Since that, I've been paying attention to everything. I got distracted yesterday and went out with friends, everything was fine until I thought about sudden death. I could be fine now but dead at any minute. My head stsrted spinning and once again, I couldn't know if it was anxiety or actually a sign I was going to die. I can't keep up like this... right now I feel my leg weird and heavy, I feel weak, no motivation... sudden head ache that lasts for a second, my hands feel weird... my vision feels weird. And it's not depersonalization this time (i used to worry a lot about it) now I just feel like I'm dying, my vision seems weird and flashy, I can't explain it. I feel so light sometimes, it scares my to death. I always feel like I'm going to die, or have a stroke, or that I have a psychosis, or that ai'll just have to live my whole life with this dreadful feeling, which is no option for me.
Please help me. I need to go back to college but I'm so scared and not motivated. Life makes no sense again. I can't stop thinking about how I'll just die someday. And that day seems close... why does it gave to be like this? I don't want to worry, but all the little symtoms in my body make me get this dreadful feeling in my stomach. I feel so distant, everyone goes on with their lives and I'm stuck. I can't stop thinking how my parents will die someday and I'm so dependent on them. I couldn't go on alone. And I feel like I'm gonna die early, too. I don't want to think like this. My biggest pasion are the animals and right now I feel so distant from them, I don't even have motivation to take care of them (yet I do,of course).
How can I go on with my life when all this symptoms make me feel this terrible? I can't afford so many doctor visits. I don't want to be like this forever. I was doing sooo fine, I wouldn't think about anxiety or death, and now this happens. I don't feel as bad as I did two years ago but I feel like I'm falling down the hole again.
I'm 18, I started having panic attacks two years ago. I only had two full blown ones, and both were in the beggining of all this. However, the worst was the symptoms that came with it.
I've always been an anxious girl. Scared of noises when I was a little kid. But nothing like this. I didn't worry about my health all the time. I do now after those panic attacks because I had no idea what they were so I thought I was dying.
A year and half of medication and therapy, I was feeling good enough to stop it. I could go eith my day without worrying and I had dreams again. I was good enough to left my home, my city, my confort zone to move out for college. I felt anxious the first weeks but I managed to survive for six months. Until last week when my nightmare came back.
I was watching a movie when I felt a sudden pain in my left arm. I got up and my legs started to shake. My heart rate went up and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was all alone at night. I didn't know if I was having a real heart attack or if I was having a anxiety attack ebecauuse I got scared of left arm pain! My mother went to pick me up and I calmed down. Yhankfully I'm on holidays for one week so I don't have to worry about college. But how an I going to be able to come back??
I feel miserable. Since that, I've been paying attention to everything. I got distracted yesterday and went out with friends, everything was fine until I thought about sudden death. I could be fine now but dead at any minute. My head stsrted spinning and once again, I couldn't know if it was anxiety or actually a sign I was going to die. I can't keep up like this... right now I feel my leg weird and heavy, I feel weak, no motivation... sudden head ache that lasts for a second, my hands feel weird... my vision feels weird. And it's not depersonalization this time (i used to worry a lot about it) now I just feel like I'm dying, my vision seems weird and flashy, I can't explain it. I feel so light sometimes, it scares my to death. I always feel like I'm going to die, or have a stroke, or that I have a psychosis, or that ai'll just have to live my whole life with this dreadful feeling, which is no option for me.
Please help me. I need to go back to college but I'm so scared and not motivated. Life makes no sense again. I can't stop thinking about how I'll just die someday. And that day seems close... why does it gave to be like this? I don't want to worry, but all the little symtoms in my body make me get this dreadful feeling in my stomach. I feel so distant, everyone goes on with their lives and I'm stuck. I can't stop thinking how my parents will die someday and I'm so dependent on them. I couldn't go on alone. And I feel like I'm gonna die early, too. I don't want to think like this. My biggest pasion are the animals and right now I feel so distant from them, I don't even have motivation to take care of them (yet I do,of course).
How can I go on with my life when all this symptoms make me feel this terrible? I can't afford so many doctor visits. I don't want to be like this forever. I was doing sooo fine, I wouldn't think about anxiety or death, and now this happens. I don't feel as bad as I did two years ago but I feel like I'm falling down the hole again.