Mart0310
29-03-15, 15:02
Made some fantastic progress this week, but the weekend has been horrible, and I feel like Im never gonna beat this again.
When my anxiety is like this I rely so heavily on my wife, I just need her around, When panic tops out, the one thing that brings it down is her taking me for a drive, No idea why it works, I guess its the flight thing.
I feel this time around as if she is relucantant to give up her social life to help me, we have our own business, she doesnt have to do a great deal so is used to spending most of her days out with friends etc. I guess I cant blame her, it was 10 years last time before I sought counselling, and then a quick recovery after that. Shes only had her own life back for about 2 years and now Im threatening to take it again, albeit short term hopefully, Im already back in counselling.
I feel like Im begging for her help, The time when I need her the most it feels like she is here because she has to be, rather than because she wants to be. We had a talk about this last weekend, she made more of an effort, and by Thursday I was feeling so much stronger, a lot less anxious and less dependent on her. Then the weekend hit and it started all over again.
Satuday morning I had an awful panic attack, I was begging her to take me out, literally, it was ages before she agreed. This morning I woke up predicatably early while she stayed in bed, I got out of bed and she complained I was getting up to earlier and she had no intention of getting up yet. Of course with memories of yesterday morning still fresh in my mind and with no 'escape plan' the obvious happened and my panic topped out. I ended up calling my parents for help.
All I have right now is my pride and I feel like even this is being taken now, constantly complaining at me about how my anxiety is affecting her. as if I didnt know already!
The stupid thing is that a few weeks of supporting me the way I need, is probably all I need to get back on track, why cant she see that? I just feel like the support isnt there this time and I have no idea how to do this without her :( Im sorry for the rant guys, feeling a bit better for getting that out there
When my anxiety is like this I rely so heavily on my wife, I just need her around, When panic tops out, the one thing that brings it down is her taking me for a drive, No idea why it works, I guess its the flight thing.
I feel this time around as if she is relucantant to give up her social life to help me, we have our own business, she doesnt have to do a great deal so is used to spending most of her days out with friends etc. I guess I cant blame her, it was 10 years last time before I sought counselling, and then a quick recovery after that. Shes only had her own life back for about 2 years and now Im threatening to take it again, albeit short term hopefully, Im already back in counselling.
I feel like Im begging for her help, The time when I need her the most it feels like she is here because she has to be, rather than because she wants to be. We had a talk about this last weekend, she made more of an effort, and by Thursday I was feeling so much stronger, a lot less anxious and less dependent on her. Then the weekend hit and it started all over again.
Satuday morning I had an awful panic attack, I was begging her to take me out, literally, it was ages before she agreed. This morning I woke up predicatably early while she stayed in bed, I got out of bed and she complained I was getting up to earlier and she had no intention of getting up yet. Of course with memories of yesterday morning still fresh in my mind and with no 'escape plan' the obvious happened and my panic topped out. I ended up calling my parents for help.
All I have right now is my pride and I feel like even this is being taken now, constantly complaining at me about how my anxiety is affecting her. as if I didnt know already!
The stupid thing is that a few weeks of supporting me the way I need, is probably all I need to get back on track, why cant she see that? I just feel like the support isnt there this time and I have no idea how to do this without her :( Im sorry for the rant guys, feeling a bit better for getting that out there