Just made a fool of myself at the doctor's office...

[Qæliw]

23 year old female here. I never used to have health anxiety until about 4 years ago when my mom was diagnosed with (and passed away from) pancreatic cancer. Ever since I have had anxiety about my health and the health of friends & family. It has been getting progressively worse. Generally I avoid going to the doctor but today I went to see a colorectal surgeon about possible hemorrhoids (brought on my my constant state of stress). But while the nurse was taking my vitals, I began to have a full-on panic attack. I kept blinking back tears and when she asked if I was alright I began to cry and then could not stop for at least half an hour. The doctor was very kind and told me that we could reschedule for next week if that would make me more comfortable. So I did. I told them that I had health anxiety for awhile but nothing quite like this had ever happened. It might have had to do with the fact that I had passed the division for pancreatic disorders and it brought back bad memories of my mom's illness. And not to mention, going to a doctor to get a rectal exam is very stressful in the first place. But I feel a little humiliated. I had two nurses, a medical assistant, a physician's assistant, and the doctor all trying to calm me down but once I start crying I can't stop. Plus, sometimes when people are kind to me it makes me cry even more! I don't want to repeat these events next week. I have decided it's time to seek professionsl help for my anxiety, like therapy and maybe even medication, but I doubt I'll get anything in time for next week.

Btw, as I was leaving I walked past the original medical assistant with two other random ones and I overheard one going "Is that her??" Like she didn't even lower her voice. Did she think I was some kind of crazy person who wouldn't hear her? And was the whole office talking about me? I suppose if I was having a boring work day and something unusual happened I would have been interested too. But she didn't even try to be discreet about it or wait til I'd walked by. Ugh..

[wnsos]

Hi there, I know it's so hard to believe but I can assure you many of us have been there! It's funny you mention it too as just yesterday I was thinking back to going into the doctors (and the er a couple of times) and having complete crying fits. Wailing crying fits. I'm so tired I can't properly word how bad they were, I feel really embarrassed about them now but it's all part of the illness. That assistant was an ******* if they said that so you could hear but they are and you're not. You have a very real anxiety disorder and it's completely understandable with what happened to your mum. I'm sure the doctors didn't think badly of you. At one point I was wailing in the er cos I heard the primary care practitioner say on the phone the word mass after she'd seen me/ when she was getting me a bed. Really embarrassing but nothing to be ashamed of :hugs:

[Qæliw]

Yes that is how I felt! Argh. It wasn't even really logical. I mean, yes I was nervous and yes those memories are sad, but it didn't warrant that kind of response LOGICALLY. That's how I know it's time to get help. It was like another person was controlling me.

[mnaha]

Dont worry ,I have to go to the doctor at least once a month for med refill and have a panic attack while there every month.. at first they were alarmed but now they just wait for it and then get on with the visit.. I try as hard as I can to be calm but cannot. It seems worse every time I go.. Guess they are used to it now..

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think they didn't handle it very well. You don't need a crowd and considering you have a doctor with you, you don't need assistants and anyone one else there. It was very bad if she was talking about you, very unprofessional and worthy of a complaint. Sadly, one part of stigma is that which we may face within the care system itself which again comes down to education but sadly its not exactly "the caring profession" with some of them.

Try to put that part behind you because its more likely that you will always get helpful compassonate professionals than the idiots that are the minority.

The good part out of this experience though is that you have recognised the need for help because we all need it going through this stuff, its too big to handle alone.

[KeeKee]

I have severE health anxiety that all started due to a few night time panic attacks, that was 2 years ago now and my life has been hell ever since. I cry everytime I go to the doctors and the more I go the worse it gets, I think it's because I feel like I'm wasting his time and eventually he'll get sick and tell me off hehe, he seems really patient though so I hope not.
Therapy is a good thing to do right now, not just for your anxiety, but it could also help to talk about your Mom.

[Qæliw]

I agree, KeeKee. I just need it in general. And I know how you feel about crying every time. Part of me is scared that when I go back there, memories of the first visit will make me cry again! But hopefully not.


I think they didn't handle it very well. You don't need a crowd and considering you have a doctor with you, you don't need assistants and anyone one else there.

It wasn't a crowd. Sorry for being confusing. The most people in the room at once was three and that was when the doctor had the PA and the nurse bring me something to drink and a slice of pizza from the ones they'd had delivered that day for their lunch (seriously the nicest doctor ever haha)