terrified of group situations

[gentleminds]

I will do anything to avoid having to meet up in a group. I am convinced I will say the wrong thing - or more to the point not be able to say anything.
I have just completed a CBT course and am now more aware of having low self esteem but that doesnt take away the feeling that once people get to know me they will not like me OR I have nothing of offer anyone - I am boring and dull.
I find it hard to hear in noisy surroundings and this puts me on the back foot as I am having to lip read. I worry that people think I am being snobby or dont want to talk to them, but actually it is totally the opposite- i am desperate to make friends. i am so, so lonely

[Oosh]

I don't like groups. It's very common. Can't you arrange to see a smaller group, two or even one who you feel comfortable with ? There are many who do that.

I used to have that same low self esteem too. It's very depressing. Of course those beliefs are not true. Of course you have things to offer.

Have you ever laughed ? So you are a person who enjoys laughing. That's a likeable person. You are maybe too uptight, nervous, self conscious to have a laugh but you ARE a person who enjoys laughing when you are comfortable and in the right environment. You may not have laughed in a long time but you DO enjoy laughing.

Have you EVER messed around and been amusing to yourself or others ? If you EVER have then that's in you too. You may need to feel comfortable, confident and in the right environment but you do possess and offer that.

Do you feel empathy for other people ? Do you care about them if they're unhappy, suffering, being unfairly treated ? Then you are a good person and a good friend.

Look inside yourself for evidence of these likeable, valued things. They're in us all. If you can remember one single occasion where you were these things then they're in you and so you ARE likeable, valued things and you should value and like yourself more because others would value those things too.

When you accept that these things are true those negative , low self esteem beliefs dissolve because you see that they can't possibly be true. They're simply negative beliefs we all end up believing.

I'm of no value.
I'm boring.
I'm not likeable.
I'm not worthy of love.
Etc etc

Most people walk around with these statements clouding their day.
Show yourself evidence that they aren't true and it'll have an antidepressant effect and make you feel like a different person.

You'll see that what may be true may be that -
You find it hard to relax and be yourself
You find it hard to forget yourself and enjoy yourself
You feel Inhibited in situations
You don't have a very high opinion of yourself

But you'll accept that what's not true is that "I have nothing to offer anyone. I am boring and dull".

[MetalYeti]

I have found that there is only one way I can handle group situations, and that is if I'm in a group doing an activity. As in, I'm with a group of people, so there is a social aspect to it, but mostly we're all focused on the activity at hand (in this case sport) so there's very little pressure on me to interact with people, and there's none of that awful face to face awkwardness that I can't deal with.