hello from Scotland.

[My Cat Boots]

hello everyone...hope i don't bore people with my story but i feel i need to tell someone.
My name is John and I'm from Scotland...i'm nearly the big 50 and have suffered from anxiety and depression since i was in my early 20's.

Recently my anxiety has escalated to new heights with even the slightest worry setting it off...some of my symptoms are uncontrollable shaking especially in my legs,cold sweats and light headedness...these can go on for hours sometimes.

I'm currently seeing a community psychiatric nurse and having CBT.
Is it working?....to a certain extent it is...just talking to someone is great but then i've done it in the past and yet it returns again and again.

I take anti depressants which has managed my depression a lot but this anxiety is hard to shake off.
Right now i have the start of a chest infection and the anxiety is starting with it.
At times i do think i've had enough and suicide is the only way but i have never seriously acted on these thoughts though it does worry me that my anxiety will get that bad that these thoughts will become uncontrollable.

Has anyone else thought this?

I wish everyone on this site all the best in their battle against this horrible illness.:)
John.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya My Cat Boots and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[housewife50]

HI John ,
I've just joined today too ... thought as we're both new today I'd say ' Hello' ! pleased to meet a fellow sufferer!
Intrigued by your name of Cat boots ?
I can certainly identify with the physical feelings I have just been out with our 3 dogs and felt 'ill' the whole time especially the light headedness but as usual apart from being very unpleasant nothing happened and I can feel a small sense of achievment that I was able to do it .... although Im still feeling a bit wobbly now

when Im not well I write down what Ive done everyday on a special calender so I can see how much 'Ive actually done and for me this helps also re reading all my books on the subject reminding myself why I feel like I do
I dont know if anything I say or suggest will help and it may well be stuff you've alreay tried but firstly I dont think youre going to feel very good if your ill with a chest infection - dont be too hard on yourself I think anyone would feel 'low' if you have a physical illness- you obviously need to get treatment and recover first

Have you spoken to your CPN about your negative feelings , apart from talking to them have they given you any guidence/help in how you can tackle these feelings when you get them ....Ive found some are good at listening b ut they dont help with any practical solutions to try ...do you know why you feel so anxious ?
Do you have any support at home?

At times I felt Ive had enough I just wish there was a magic wand to take it all away but sadly there isnt I know I m the only one that can make myself better and sometimes this is overwhelming and thats why these sites are good because they remind you youre not on your own
Im determined that this 'illness' or bully isnt going to win ...I was lucky enough to have been referred to a Dr Tim Cantopher( psychiatrist) he has a couple of very good books ( Amazon!) and he told me to be kind to yourself ....if your child was being bullied what advise would you give them in how to deal with it ..... I ve found its learning to ignore or push the bully out ...but this is really hard and Im still trying to do it I dont work so have too m uch time to obsess about everything so distraction for me helps
I hope it helps knowing your not on your own ....
keep strong regards Janet

[My Cat Boots]

Thanks Janet...lol...the name is because my favourite cat is called Boots.

Regarding the CPN,i have seen a few in the past and know what you mean about the differing degrees of expertise they have.
I must admit the one i'm seeing just now is a lovely woman but i don't feel i'm getting anywhere with the sessions...of course that might just be me either expecting too much or not opening up enough.
And i'm going through a lot just now with the fear of illness to me and others in my family and pressure from the job centre about doing more to get back into work.
Im on work focused ESA and the thought of going to job clubs or training programmes terrifies me and the threat of sanctions just makes it even worse.

To be honest i will try anything to ease my illness and i am truly grateful when anyone suggests things to me so thank you.

I too would like a magic wand to take it all away but realised early on this wasn't going to happen so its up to us to do as much as we can to help ourselves.
The light headedness is one of my most hated symptoms it just makes you feel so out of control and vulnerable and as you say it never amounts too much but no matter how many times i get it it always worries me.

I have a caring family at home but at times i just feel so guilty about burdening them with even more of my worries as they have put up with me for so long.
That's why these sites can be good just to talk to someone who has actually experienced the same things.
I do wish you all the best,you sound as if you will never give up which is what i am determined to do for myself and my family and if you ever want to chat just ask..Thanks from John and Boots the cat.:)

[Davit]

I would like to talk to you and give you some reassurance, since I have been through all you have and I no longer take meds or have anxiety or it's symptoms. This can be cured.

[My Cat Boots]

great to hear that davit...i'm always delighted when someone has good news about beating this horrible illness...it gives everyone a bit of hope.

Right now i'm really struggling,got a slight chest infection and the anxiety has just soared..any sign of illness with me or with my family and this happens...when i wake up i'm just feel freezing cold and can't stop shaking my mind is working a hundred miles an hour and i just want to burst out crying.

I must admit dark thoughts creep in from time to time when i'm really down but never last long...but i'm worried one day these thoughts will become stronger and stronger...just one more thing for me to worry about.

Anyway it's great to know some people have success and hopefully one day i'll join you in that.
thanks,John