This is Hell

[Anon123]

So, trying to keep this as brief as possible, but my days are filled with images of my sister hanging herself. I know she's been having suicidal thoughts, and this has really triggered my OCD and depression. Every waking moment is hell, filled with vivid mental images of me discovering her hanging body, every noise, sounds or movement of her seems to trigger this image and IT WONT STOP. I can sleep at night, constantly worrying what she is doing. Im her only real level of support, parents are very distant, and don't really speak to us, so i am the one currently caring for her. I'm trying to be strong, doing things to cheer her up, small gestures to show that I care but this is living hell for me. I am mental ill too, but i would honestly give up my life if it would stop her suffering. But i cry every time she can't see, constantly burdened by these thought, unable to really do much else but try to care for her. I want to kick, scream, cry and shout but i can't, instead these feeling are suppressed inside of me, with self harm the only small release, but this is insufficient. Nothing is painful enough to mask the pain i feel

Please someone help

[lior]

This doesn't sound like a great situation. Are you both receiving outside help? Have you spoken to your doctors? Are either of you on medication or in therapy? Do you have friends or extended family that can spend time with you?

Mental illness takes time to recover from - there are no quick solutions. But that doesn't mean that you can't make some steps quickly to help good solutions come about.

- Start the process of getting professional help if you haven't already - for both you and your sister.
- Try to see other people regularly. If it's just the two of you, that can get a bit too intense.
- Try to do things that you enjoy. The little things can make all the difference.
- Stick to routines - that helps a lot of people. Not getting enough sleep can make things worse. Drink lots of water. Eat the right amount of food.

In your case, I know this is a really difficult thing to understand in your heart, but this is vital: you can't make someone else feel something. You can't change other people - you can only change yourself. I know you want to make your sister better, but ultimately, only she can make herself better. You are not totally responsible for her. You can help her a lot - but she is the only one that can save herself. Make yourself happy too - if you leave yourself out, then of course you'll both be unhappy.

[lior]

How are you doing today?

I didn't say yesterday - I have been suicidal for extended periods in the past, and I am not suicidal any more. It's less likely that women will actually go through with it than men. I got through it with therapy and some support from my friends. Mostly I grew the strength within myself. It is possible. Nobody actually looked after me, and certainly not my family at all. Your sister is very lucky to have you around.

It also sounds like you are not expressing your emotions, which is something that I feel, often! Is there any way you can let some of this out? Scream into a pillow? Sing? Go to the gym?