SmallTownOntarioGirl
03-04-15, 21:04
I first started having problems with anxiety during my 3rd year of University in December 2001....but I had no idea what it was at the time. I had technically failed a midterm in the fall semester (although the prof had to bell curve the grades so "technically" I got a 50%). The day before the final exam in that course I was nauseous, my heart was pounding, I was dizzy...all the classic symptoms lasted until the exam was over...and then I was fine. I didn't equate the problem at the time....but it kept happening. Finally in Feb 2003 I went to the doctor and was put on medication. I didn't really do any therapy or anything at the time, and I finished University in April 2003. I then went to college....and started working in June 2005. I stayed on medication (Wellbutrin & Cipralex) for several years, and was pretty much normal.
In June 2012...with my doctors permission....I weaned off my medication. I wasn't in school anymore and thought I didn't need the anxiety meds anymore. I did well for about a year...but then my anxiety slowly began to come back. On Dec 12th, 2013...I drove home to my parent's place in a VERY bad snow storm (probably shouldn't have been driving on the roads they were so bad). From then....things have been complete hell. The next day...I became so dizzy and nauseous and had such a sore neck...I ended up in the ER. The doctor thought I had vertigo and gave me Serc, but it didn't help. Several ER and doctor visits later...with the dizziness not letting up....my anxiety was back in full force and I asked to go back on medication. This was in Jan 2014. I was on modified duties at work (which was very hard for me as I'd only taken 3 sick days in the 7+ years I'd worked at that place).
Since Jan 2014....I haven't been able to get my anxiety under control....and it has morphed into terrible health anxiety. I've seen an ENT, a neurologist, had a CT scan and an MRI....all normal. The dizziness has slowly eased...only to be replaced by terrible chest pain and the utter certainty that I have blocked arteries in my heart.
The ironic thing is....I actually work in the cardiology department of a hospital...so I know WAY too much about the heart. I have chest pain from morning to night....day after day...at work...at home...when sitting...when walking. It is totally atypical (ie not what is usual for coronary artery disease). I've had an echo, two nuclear stress test, and countless "unofficial" ECGs and stress tests...all normal...but I still can't seem to get it through my brain that my heart is fine. I've had a gastroscopy (also fairly normal).
While trying to deal with this pain day in and day out...I've continued to work...although it is VERY hard. My doctor did order me off work for 2 weeks back in November when my anxiety had gotten way out of control again. Over the last 15 months...I've switched meds from Cipralex to Effexor to Celexa and now to Zoloft. All have helped somewhat with some of the physical sensations of anxiety (the dry heaving, racing heart beat) but not the chest pain (if it is indeed anxiety....although chest pain like this has never been one of my normal anxiety symptoms) or the mental side of anxiety (the worrying, the irratibility, etc), as well as the muscle tension, inability to relax, etc. My doctor has been seeing me every month...and each month she does the GAD-7 test, and I always score in the high moderate to sever anxiety levels. We are still trying to get the right medication dosage and/or combination.
Things I do to try to help deal/cope with my anxiety: I took an 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course. I exercise (although I've been lacking this month as I've had a painful back and leg). I do yoga. I meditate/listen to guided meditations from YouTube (I really like stuff by The Honest Guys and Jason Stephenson).
My anxiety has totally taken over my life....and I really don't know how much more I can take. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm frustrated, I'm embarrassed, I'm disappointed. I've recently had a set back/mini breakdown this last week or so. I'm pretty much a loner (that's my normal though)....but my anxiety has really caused me to fold in on myself. My family say I'm doing so much better than I was back in Jan 2014....and at times I see it...but at times like this...I can't. It is so hard. I wouldn't wish anxiety like this on my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. I could add so much more...but I think I've taken up enough of everyone's time.
In June 2012...with my doctors permission....I weaned off my medication. I wasn't in school anymore and thought I didn't need the anxiety meds anymore. I did well for about a year...but then my anxiety slowly began to come back. On Dec 12th, 2013...I drove home to my parent's place in a VERY bad snow storm (probably shouldn't have been driving on the roads they were so bad). From then....things have been complete hell. The next day...I became so dizzy and nauseous and had such a sore neck...I ended up in the ER. The doctor thought I had vertigo and gave me Serc, but it didn't help. Several ER and doctor visits later...with the dizziness not letting up....my anxiety was back in full force and I asked to go back on medication. This was in Jan 2014. I was on modified duties at work (which was very hard for me as I'd only taken 3 sick days in the 7+ years I'd worked at that place).
Since Jan 2014....I haven't been able to get my anxiety under control....and it has morphed into terrible health anxiety. I've seen an ENT, a neurologist, had a CT scan and an MRI....all normal. The dizziness has slowly eased...only to be replaced by terrible chest pain and the utter certainty that I have blocked arteries in my heart.
The ironic thing is....I actually work in the cardiology department of a hospital...so I know WAY too much about the heart. I have chest pain from morning to night....day after day...at work...at home...when sitting...when walking. It is totally atypical (ie not what is usual for coronary artery disease). I've had an echo, two nuclear stress test, and countless "unofficial" ECGs and stress tests...all normal...but I still can't seem to get it through my brain that my heart is fine. I've had a gastroscopy (also fairly normal).
While trying to deal with this pain day in and day out...I've continued to work...although it is VERY hard. My doctor did order me off work for 2 weeks back in November when my anxiety had gotten way out of control again. Over the last 15 months...I've switched meds from Cipralex to Effexor to Celexa and now to Zoloft. All have helped somewhat with some of the physical sensations of anxiety (the dry heaving, racing heart beat) but not the chest pain (if it is indeed anxiety....although chest pain like this has never been one of my normal anxiety symptoms) or the mental side of anxiety (the worrying, the irratibility, etc), as well as the muscle tension, inability to relax, etc. My doctor has been seeing me every month...and each month she does the GAD-7 test, and I always score in the high moderate to sever anxiety levels. We are still trying to get the right medication dosage and/or combination.
Things I do to try to help deal/cope with my anxiety: I took an 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course. I exercise (although I've been lacking this month as I've had a painful back and leg). I do yoga. I meditate/listen to guided meditations from YouTube (I really like stuff by The Honest Guys and Jason Stephenson).
My anxiety has totally taken over my life....and I really don't know how much more I can take. I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm frustrated, I'm embarrassed, I'm disappointed. I've recently had a set back/mini breakdown this last week or so. I'm pretty much a loner (that's my normal though)....but my anxiety has really caused me to fold in on myself. My family say I'm doing so much better than I was back in Jan 2014....and at times I see it...but at times like this...I can't. It is so hard. I wouldn't wish anxiety like this on my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. I could add so much more...but I think I've taken up enough of everyone's time.