Advice about family issues

[isolated]

Hi everyone. I hope you're well. I need some opinions / advice regarding a family crisis. My background in a nutshell: I'm a 32 year old married woman with three children aged 2,3 & 5. I have generalised anxiety disorder with panic disorder. I was bullied / abused by my (5 year older) sister throughout childhood. My symptoms are similar to PTSD but I've been through some really effective counselling and feel able to understand and therefore tolerate my condition. I take 150mg of Sertraline every morning.

The problem: my older sister seems to victimise me via phone / text / in person rarely. She is really close (in location and personality) to my mom. I get phone calls from a worried mom and dad regarding "how I am?" When I've been on such a happy positive path for the past 3 years. It instantly brings me down because I'm having to right lies and kind of justify things I haven't done / said. I've lost it emotionally to both my mom and dad over the phone but although dad supports me and tries to help, my mom tries to excuse my sisters behaviour as she is in an unhappy relationship herself. I always feel that I've done something wrong but I'm spinning constantly trying to find out what?
I've probably been vague so if anyone wants to help and needs more specific info please ask, and thanks for reading.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya isolated and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[isolated]

Great forum!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

I don't know about her motivations in childhood but in an adult I would immediately be thinking we could be talking jealousy, insecurity or both. It seems like she feels the need to undermine you.

Its hard for your parents being in the middle I guess. I'm glad at least your dad is supportive of you though even if your mum is more supportive of your sister.

To be honest, I always find it easier to look at a problem with anxiety or depression and try to offer alternatives but I always find this hard when it comes to relationships because some of the outcomes can be negative and its not all within your control to resolve.

From what you have said, it seems like your sister is telling your parents that you are worse for some reason which is prompting them to act out of concern. Now, if I was your mum & dad I would be going back to your sister and talking to her about why she has said this when I see that you are ok and not in the state I have been informed of. So, maybe they need to give her a talking to so that she understands what isn't appropriate.

Its a bit like how a man or woman phones parents up to complain about their partner when the man or woman don't share those concerns with the partner or they are overexaggerated. The parents build up an untrue picture which can leave them feeling negative towards the partner.

Part of me would be thinking you could confront your sister but I know what GAD is like, and that can be very hard as you really just need stability.

I would suggest creating a new thread on the GAD board about this because this board gets less comments than on there. I think you perhaps need as many opinions as you can get to see if there is anything you haven't thought of.

If you are still in therapy then I would also suggest raising this there because they will have a much better idea of how to handle this situation.

[Juliette14]

This is my personal opinion and based on my own experience, some siblings just want to keep the parents to themselves and want to be the parents' favourite, to me it seems that she is taking advantage that you live further and that you are vulnerable, and not speaking out. The less you confront and challenge this the more she will do it. Maybe you need to be more assertive and speak out on how it makes you feel. In this case only talk about yourself and your feelings. This might have negative consequences but the actual situation is not good either..... But it also can get much better!