Please help...awaiting HIV test result and I'm so scared

[Blonde&blueeyedgirl]

Hello everyone

This is my first post and I can't believe its about this and not something else

I am absolutely terrified.

I have been suffering for over three months with a horrendous hacking cough. I am asthmatic so just thought it was another infection. Usually when I take antibiotics and steroids it goes away pretty rapidly. This time however nothing has worked. Four lots of tablets later and it's still here. Two hospital admissions and they can't find the root of my infection.
I had bloods done in the hospital first time round they were normal, in the gp surgery the infection markers came back raised, two days later they are normal again. Then the other day I was at my wits end feeling horrendous. Constant coughing, feeling hot and constant nose blowing feeling full of mucus that I went back to the hospital as I wanted a repeat chest x Ray to put my mind at rest. They did the works. They were fantastic. But the doc said your bloods are normal again. But I want to do a HIV TEST. I was like erm ok.
Cue me absolutely now feeling horrendous. The wait is killing me. I know not everyone in their life Have been completely careful, But I am a good decent person with a good moral upbringing that if I have HIV I don't know what I will do.
My Job too will be affected and my partner now (he has kids from a previous marriage) he could now have it if I have it and then I will leave his kids without a dad and I will lose him too through probably utter disgust and hatred.
I am so so scared this is the end for me. I am so ashamed. I haven't slept since the hospital visit on Friday and feeling so rough with my illness anyway, it's just making it worse. What's worse is my family and everyone are being so so loving and running round after me saying oh why can't they find a cure for this. This has been going on ages. And now I'm thinking actually IT isn't my asthma or crap body its HIV. Who knows how long ive had it or who I got it from. Now I just want to end it all. I am only 32 and wanted babies and have an amazing career. Now I won't have that and my career I will have to give up.
I don't know what to do.
It's killing me also not knowing how i will get the results. The doctor in the hospital said he would phone me but because its Easter it won't be until after Tuesday will it !? Or will it go back to my gp surgery ?
I'm sorry for the long rant. It's just I have no one to turn to.
Please help someone
Thank you for your kindness in even reading this.

[Jonesle]

Please calm down.

Hiv is still a rare disease and completely treatable (fair enough not curable) but people with HIV live normal lives! Have you had any risky sexual encounters?
I doubt you have hiv but IF you do you will get through it, and most people are a lot more understanding nowadays. It's not a death sentence.
Xxxx

[Blonde&blueeyedgirl]

Nothing out of the ordinary just with my ex boyfriends in relationships. I've never had a one night stand. All just been with my boyfriends in monogamous relationships. I am so frightened. The worst thing about all this for me though? It's the worry about my current partner. Tbh I don't care about me anymore, I just love him so much that I would never ever be able to carry on if I have given him It because of his beloved children and of course his life and health. And also to lose him would be like losing an arm.
I feel so hopeless x
I thank you so much for writing x

[worrywart29]

Calm down. Just because the doctor want to check doesn't mean you have it. Its called process of elimination since everything is OK with all your test thus far they are taking tests to rule out other causes as they can't find the reason behind you feeling so ill. I'm sure if the HIV test come out clear they will be on to another round of test in an attempt to find out the problem. You're reacting as though the results already came back positive. I know Exactly how you feel I'm receiving blood work results back tomorrow and already have it in my head that it's going to be bad.I even got the entire conversation between me and the doctor played out in my head Lol. Try to stay calm and best of luck

[Blonde&blueeyedgirl]

Thank you
It's just beyond scary and so huge that I've had to almost plan in my head what I will do almost to enable me to feel some sort of control over this.

I hope your result is ok.
Thanks for replying x

[Andy699]

Yep I wouldn't worry, just like what worrywart said, it just process of elimination. I think doctors just do routine HIV tests anyway. Most people don't realise that HIV is very hard to contract, it can't live outside the body for long. Even with the most risky practice (anal sex without protection with someone who has HIV) the chances are about 1%. Try not to worry, if it comes back positive, cross that bridge when you come to it. I know you said you hate the wait but you'll feel SOOO relieved when it comes back negative :-)

[Drgooglemyself]

Gave and received oral sex to a female
Contracted gonorrhea
Received medication
Gonorrhea went away

Same week my eyes got conjunctivitis and my tongue went white

I am possibly the biggest worrier on earth.

Is this all on my head or is that hiv. All sites say hiv. Chances of hiv from oral?

I've done bloods. 2 weeks waiting time seems excruciating