Missblondie
20-01-07, 21:47
Hi everyone - I hope you guys remember me.
I just had the most terrifying panic attack today, I'm Exhausted and Very heart broken.
Today Me and my family went for lunch, and i don't know what it is with going out before lunch but i sometimes get a little nervous and anxious, Especially this time.. because the last time we went out for lunch i had really bad anxiety.. I could barely eat. I Always Try my best and force myself to get out and do whatever my family is doing.. "Its All in my head, I'm Fine." I tell myself, While waiting to park. My Dad parks and we get out... I tried to set my mind onto just getting in to eat, So i walk at a fast pace (Partly because of the ice cold wind) and we stop into a chinese restaurant to eat.
The restaurant is loud But We Find a Spot to sit and I Gradually feel less anxious, but still trying to keep my mind off thinking about it - by throwing myself into humorous conversations that my family is known for. This is Quite Embarassing, but i start to tug at my new push up bra that i was wearing and wondering if it is too tight, because i feel uncomfortable.
So at the end of meal we walk out into a room where the doors are and suddenly my heart starts thumping like a race-horse for what seems like no reason at all, and my moms voice seems distant and faded- I Panic a little and walk out and head in the direction of the car, "Thats the wrong way," My sisters faint voice said, as i remember that we decided earlier to head to the mall near the restaurant after lunch. I frantically look for my mother, Shes steps out and I can barely speak but manage to tell her that i'm having a panic attack and i need to go to the car. She nods and tells the others that we are going to the car. At this point everything looks like panic, i can't look around for fear of panicing more, so i stare at the floor and focus on trying to breathe. Everyone around me, Every little cough and sniff i could hear in the background was a distant tone of panic.
As we walked to the car i felt somewhat better but no way near normal. My mother mentions that we don't have the car keys and we're forced to walk back to the mall by the horrible cold wind. As we walk in i feel a tiny bit better, but when we walk farther in - I start to feel faint.
I tell my mom and we stop into a store to sit down, but my panic is getting worse and i can feel the blackened voices of random people sounding like they are underwater.
I try to focus on breathing, but i needed to get out to the car. "Can we go to the car? its getting worse." I ask my mom, she walks off and finds my dad for the keys. Terrifyed, i glance around to see if she is ready yet, That moment felt like forever even though it was only about 20 seconds.
I walk at a fast pace out to the doors with my mom holding my arm, but my mom calls after me and i stop. My heart is racing, i can't speak or walk, I feel like i am going to faint. We stop and sit down to do some breathing exercises by the doors.
I was ingulfed in terror for about 20 minutes before i could make it out the doors to the car. Even while i was walking, i could barely make it as i noticed the shadows of my dad and sister walking behind us. good thing we were almost to the car.
I throw myself in the car, and bury my head in my lap.
Everyone starts talking and ignores me, which i am thankful for. But the depression and sadness of it all sinks in, i can't believe this happend. I thought i was better.. I thought this wouldn't happen again.. Not this bad. Suddenly everything that i thought could help.. does nothing. So the tears start flowing behind my sunglasses.. and i try to be as quiet as possible. I'm so let down and heart broken.
Whenever i get these panic attacks - whatever causes them.. (stress, ect) I'm unaware of it.
-Elle
<center> "If I just Breathe, every little piece of me, You'll see, everything is all right." </
I just had the most terrifying panic attack today, I'm Exhausted and Very heart broken.
Today Me and my family went for lunch, and i don't know what it is with going out before lunch but i sometimes get a little nervous and anxious, Especially this time.. because the last time we went out for lunch i had really bad anxiety.. I could barely eat. I Always Try my best and force myself to get out and do whatever my family is doing.. "Its All in my head, I'm Fine." I tell myself, While waiting to park. My Dad parks and we get out... I tried to set my mind onto just getting in to eat, So i walk at a fast pace (Partly because of the ice cold wind) and we stop into a chinese restaurant to eat.
The restaurant is loud But We Find a Spot to sit and I Gradually feel less anxious, but still trying to keep my mind off thinking about it - by throwing myself into humorous conversations that my family is known for. This is Quite Embarassing, but i start to tug at my new push up bra that i was wearing and wondering if it is too tight, because i feel uncomfortable.
So at the end of meal we walk out into a room where the doors are and suddenly my heart starts thumping like a race-horse for what seems like no reason at all, and my moms voice seems distant and faded- I Panic a little and walk out and head in the direction of the car, "Thats the wrong way," My sisters faint voice said, as i remember that we decided earlier to head to the mall near the restaurant after lunch. I frantically look for my mother, Shes steps out and I can barely speak but manage to tell her that i'm having a panic attack and i need to go to the car. She nods and tells the others that we are going to the car. At this point everything looks like panic, i can't look around for fear of panicing more, so i stare at the floor and focus on trying to breathe. Everyone around me, Every little cough and sniff i could hear in the background was a distant tone of panic.
As we walked to the car i felt somewhat better but no way near normal. My mother mentions that we don't have the car keys and we're forced to walk back to the mall by the horrible cold wind. As we walk in i feel a tiny bit better, but when we walk farther in - I start to feel faint.
I tell my mom and we stop into a store to sit down, but my panic is getting worse and i can feel the blackened voices of random people sounding like they are underwater.
I try to focus on breathing, but i needed to get out to the car. "Can we go to the car? its getting worse." I ask my mom, she walks off and finds my dad for the keys. Terrifyed, i glance around to see if she is ready yet, That moment felt like forever even though it was only about 20 seconds.
I walk at a fast pace out to the doors with my mom holding my arm, but my mom calls after me and i stop. My heart is racing, i can't speak or walk, I feel like i am going to faint. We stop and sit down to do some breathing exercises by the doors.
I was ingulfed in terror for about 20 minutes before i could make it out the doors to the car. Even while i was walking, i could barely make it as i noticed the shadows of my dad and sister walking behind us. good thing we were almost to the car.
I throw myself in the car, and bury my head in my lap.
Everyone starts talking and ignores me, which i am thankful for. But the depression and sadness of it all sinks in, i can't believe this happend. I thought i was better.. I thought this wouldn't happen again.. Not this bad. Suddenly everything that i thought could help.. does nothing. So the tears start flowing behind my sunglasses.. and i try to be as quiet as possible. I'm so let down and heart broken.
Whenever i get these panic attacks - whatever causes them.. (stress, ect) I'm unaware of it.
-Elle
<center> "If I just Breathe, every little piece of me, You'll see, everything is all right." </