miseria
08-04-15, 23:11
Hi everyone,
I was free from health anxiety for a couple of months now, it seemed like the medication is working, and I was sooo happy about it...but then last week, I was comparing some of my weight loss progress pictures I took during the years and there it was. Turns out that a mole on my stomach has been slowly growing during the past year and got quite big compared to its original size (from 1mm to 4mm) I have no idea how I haven't noticed this happening, but I guess it's because it was growing gradually (also I get full skin checks every year).
I consulted our old friend, dr. Google about the issue and I ended up in the dermatologist's office with a panic attack about the mole. She checked it with the dermascope and said the following: "it doesn't look bad, the pigmentation is good, but because it has been growing, you should get it removed." I was relatively OK with that, until today, when I went to another doctor to get the excision done. When he saw the mole, he immediately said the following: "this looks exactly like something that HAS TO be removed" and stuff like "we cannot wait" and "let's hope it's not cancer". He removed two other moles but he of course didn't forget to highlight the fact that the removal of those were OPTIONAL while the one on my stomach is a MUST. And that he calls with the biopsy results in 2 weeks. He basically told me that my mole looks like cancer. I mean seriously, what kind of person does that??
Since then I cannot eat, I cannot breathe, I won't be able to sleep, I am crying and I cannot pull myself together. I have no idea how to survive these 2 weeks, especially after hearing all this crap he told me. I have important exams to prepare for, but I just lost interest in pretty much everything. All I can think about is that it has probably spread already as it has been there for so long (according to the pictures it started changing over a year ago). I know I had countless false alarms because of my health anxiety over the years, but this one seems different...has anybody been through similar worries? How did you cope with the waiting and the uncertainty? I don't know what to do. I want to function normally, but the fear is so paralyzing that I cannot really think of anything else. I'm not ready to fight cancer, not in this condition, there are so many other things going on right now...
Thank you so much for reading this, I know I'm ridiculous...
I was free from health anxiety for a couple of months now, it seemed like the medication is working, and I was sooo happy about it...but then last week, I was comparing some of my weight loss progress pictures I took during the years and there it was. Turns out that a mole on my stomach has been slowly growing during the past year and got quite big compared to its original size (from 1mm to 4mm) I have no idea how I haven't noticed this happening, but I guess it's because it was growing gradually (also I get full skin checks every year).
I consulted our old friend, dr. Google about the issue and I ended up in the dermatologist's office with a panic attack about the mole. She checked it with the dermascope and said the following: "it doesn't look bad, the pigmentation is good, but because it has been growing, you should get it removed." I was relatively OK with that, until today, when I went to another doctor to get the excision done. When he saw the mole, he immediately said the following: "this looks exactly like something that HAS TO be removed" and stuff like "we cannot wait" and "let's hope it's not cancer". He removed two other moles but he of course didn't forget to highlight the fact that the removal of those were OPTIONAL while the one on my stomach is a MUST. And that he calls with the biopsy results in 2 weeks. He basically told me that my mole looks like cancer. I mean seriously, what kind of person does that??
Since then I cannot eat, I cannot breathe, I won't be able to sleep, I am crying and I cannot pull myself together. I have no idea how to survive these 2 weeks, especially after hearing all this crap he told me. I have important exams to prepare for, but I just lost interest in pretty much everything. All I can think about is that it has probably spread already as it has been there for so long (according to the pictures it started changing over a year ago). I know I had countless false alarms because of my health anxiety over the years, but this one seems different...has anybody been through similar worries? How did you cope with the waiting and the uncertainty? I don't know what to do. I want to function normally, but the fear is so paralyzing that I cannot really think of anything else. I'm not ready to fight cancer, not in this condition, there are so many other things going on right now...
Thank you so much for reading this, I know I'm ridiculous...