My night last night

[PanickyPolly]

Well I almost got admitted into hospital last night due to suicidal thoughts. I spoke to some of you in the chatroom yeterday. I felt very anxious and sick in the morning yesterday due to the fact that I had a hairdressers appointment and I m terrified of hairdressers as every time I go they ruin my hair and it makes me feel worse and worse about myself. Yesterday was the ultimate. I wen in for a trim and she took half the length of my hair away which I'd painsatkingly been growing since it got burnt off 4 years ago. Was devastated. It felt like a grief. I suddenly felt very unsafe and like I would harm myself then became suicidal so I went to the GPs out of hours service and they discussed my problm with a psychiatrist and toyed with the idea of admitting me. They decided in the end to give me tranquilisers and avised me to see my own GP on Monday and ask to be referred to a psych as an emergency. I know it might seem strange to some how I freaked out over hair but my hair is everything to me and it keeps getting destroyed so I kind of feel like I had my identity taken away from me and also the actual experience of being in that haridressers was horrrible as the were common as muck, loud an rude. Can't get any of it out of my head.

[kilvosa]

Hi There
Im so sorry you had a bad experience at the hairdressers and how distressing it was for you, do hope you are feeling better now.
Take care
Anne xx

[PanickyPolly]

Well dosed up on strong tranquilisers at the mo although that didn't stop me from self harming in the night.. Bit spaced out. If they do decide to admit me does anyone know I am well in my rights to chose which hospital to go to as the local one admitted a rapist once who attacked three women as a result.

[Karen]

Hi PanickyPolly

Sorry to hear you had such a traumatic day yesterday. The trauma the hair cut caused you makes perfect sense to me because it is something that is so important to you.

It is like my problem with anorexia and weight. I am struggling at present because I have no choice than to maintain in a weight band that is higher than I want to be and I'm feeling very low and distressed about that. So I can empathise with the way you are feeling.

As to being admitted somewhere I am not sure what your rights or the procedures are about having a choice of hospital. In an emergency situation I believe admission would be to whichever psychiatric hospital/ward that had a bed. However, unless the psychiatrist believes you are at significant risk to yourself that there is no choice other than admission, you do not have to agree to go into hospital. Even if you do, you would be an informal patient and therefore free to discharge yourself.

It might well be that help and support can be arranged for you at home with the crisis team calling on you daily and with the help of a CPN.

Try not to worry unduly about this although I know I was petrified before I was admitted to hospital - in very different circumstances to yours. Hospitalisation really is the last resort.

I hope you keep safe tonight. The Samaritans are always an option if you need to speak to someone before morning.

See what your doctor has to say tomorrow and take things from there. Do you want to be admitted to hospital or would you prefer to try to access community support?


Karen




For a moment you were with me
For a moment you were mine
Then the darkness comes and takes you far away
Before I even said goodbye

[happyone]

Hi Polly

I can totally understand your grief over the hair. It is part of you, part of your femininity, identity. and you obviously have painful memories if it was burnt off 4 years ago. I can also understand the haidresser expeience thing, I remenber being in a hairdresser once where one of them kept on swearing. I am not genteel, but there is a time and place, the hairdressers is not one of them.
You are obviously low, it sounds as though you have reached a crises point. It may be that if the hairdressers hadn't happened something else would. I recently had an experience where I was admitted to hospital and it was triggered off by my daughter asking for cornflakes then taking a tantrum because I didn't get them right away. Now (not then) I realise that my beautiful daughter taking a tantrum had nothing to do with it, it was just that I was on the edge.
You are obviously upset about your hair which you have been growing for ages but the negative experience may have just proven too much.
Accept the help, let them in (which can be hard) and try to believe you are a worthwhile person who deserves help.
Take care and let us know how you go
Happyone
x

"Today is the day before tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day." wisdom of my daughter!

[clickaway]

Hi Polly

So sorry to hear about your trauma, but am pleased that you escaped from self-harm or worse yesterday.

Try not to worry about which hospital you end up in as they will have your best interests at heart.

Sending you Big Hugs



Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[PanickyPolly]

Thanks guy for being so understanding about this and not dismissing it as trivial. It's given me the impetus to not dismiss it myself and say when I speak to the psych "this is like a grief. It's a part of me and it's traumatic'. I went to my GP this morning and it was a waste of time. He told me he'd get back in touch with the First Access team (a team of CPNs who guard the psychs from patients) and see what they say. He didn't give me a time or anything and gave me 28 valium. As I walked out of thre I felt awful as I had nothing to hold on to or look forward to. If it was my usual GP she would have got on the phone while I was there and asked for me to be seen sharpish but I just saw whoever was available as I went in as an emergency. By the time I got home I wanted to top myself anf started self harming. I looked in the mirror at my short hair and felt so ugly I just hit myself hard over the head and cursed at myself. I then started toying with the idea of taking all the valium so I called my step dad and he took me down to a&e. Saw a nice doc there who took the valium off me and made me an appointment with a psychiatrist for Thursday so I have someting to look forward to now and aim for. Don't feel so lost. One thing that was strange was that just by going out in the sunhine and being in the hopital made me feel better. Felt safe. I don't feel safe at home as I don't know what I'll do. Also am going to get hair extensions. It's the only way I could bare to look at myself in the mirror.

[PanickyPolly]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi Polly,

Sorry to hear about that horrid experience at the hairdressers. Doesn't matter if others might think it's a trivial matter. I can see that it's important to you, so it's important, full stop!

When a person remains calm it's possible to see more options and make better choices. The emotional reactions of yesterday resulted in very limited and very ineffective solutions. You sound calmer today, and the hair extensions sound like a much better much more effective solution. See, it can work – it's just hard to keep those initial emotions in check long enough to regain control.

Take care Polly :)
Nigel

<div align="right">www.psychology-solution.com
Shining new light on old problems</div id="right">

<div align="right">Originally posted by Nigel - 22 January 2007 : 18:25:16</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Well at the moment this is the valium talking...when I'm off it I'm a lunatic. Very scared of myself but tryint to stay clam and focused right now.