View Full Version : Just feel very hopeless and need someone to talk to
I really don't know if I can live anymore, but I'm also terrified of having any kind of illness and dying.
I feel like such a useless human being- to my mother who I have been an awful and difficult child to my whole life. To my friends, to everyone and to myself.
My right breast has got significantly bigger (increased by at least 25% in the past 2 or so months) and has now become a lot harder and sore than ever before. The pain has become pretty much constant now. My back hurts a lot and I can't do hardly any exertion without feeling so out of breath and my heart beating insanely fast and having to stop so I don't feel like I'm dying. Even waking is difficult sometimes. Eating isn't pleasant and I always feel full and drinking anything just makes me go to the bathroom really quickly, and sleeping doesn't seem to help anything.
It's been a year since this all started and I still have no answers and I'm fed up and just can't see any point or positivity anymore. I'm just so scared and sad and at the same time it feels like there's no point to life and being alive.
I'm going on holiday to visit my family next week with my mum and she said we'll go to a paid doctor there maybe to do an MRI to get it over with and stuff, but a part of me is already convinced it's cancer and I'm going to die.
My mum is coughing and tired and I'm worried she might die and I'll be on my own and I'm so scared as I love her so much.
I just can't fix the past and don't know what to do about the present and just want everything not to be difficult and a struggle and painful.
I know I'm being whiny and there are people worse off than me but I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare.
So, see the doctor and get the tests and let us know what you decide. Better to know than to guess.
I see you're in the UK. Why must you go abroad before seeing a doctor? Why not see your own GP and do as they advise. MRI's are all well and good, but sometimes they're utterly unnecessary, and they could through up sub-clinical abnormalities that were causing you no harm but would need dealt with as they'd been discovered. This, of course, will only contribute to your anxiety and sense of something being physically wrong.
I know, I know. But I have. I've seen so many gps I've started to feel guilty for wasting their time and the nhs' money. Everything happens so slowly here and I have to fight and fight for anything to be done and all that is happening in the wait is that I'm feeling sicker and sicker.
I don't want an illness. I'm not trying to seek out disease and death and if someone told me (with evidence) that what was wrong with me was reason A and doing this would make it better fine.
Its just got to a point where I'm too tired to fight for my health all the time. I feel like at 19 if this was to happen then i should surely at least be listened too.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way Alice. Whilst I haven't got any medical advice, I just wanted to post to say you're not alone. Anxiety is a terribly thing and can make a person feel utterly awful x
What have the doctors said to you? I'm sure if they thought there was anything seriously wrong you'd have been sent for tests etc.
Frankie123
15-04-15, 18:54
There is a system in this country where, if your GP feels there is any chance you may have cancer, then you are seen within two weeks by a consultant. I feel sure if you explained your "breast" condition to your GP he would arrange for you to have a mammogram. If for any reason he would not agree to this then it would be cheaper for you to have a private mammogram in this country than to go to Germany and have an MRI scan.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way Alice. Whilst I haven't got any medical advice, I just wanted to post to say you're not alone. Anxiety is a terribly thing and can make a person feel utterly awful x
Thank you so much xxx
---------- Post added at 15:48 ---------- Previous post was at 15:41 ----------
What have the doctors said to you? I'm sure if they thought there was anything seriously wrong you'd have been sent for tests etc.
I had a heart, abdominal and ovary ultrasound, blood tests and a 24 h ecg.
Blood tests generally ok.
Heart ultrasound showed slight murmur.
Abnominal showed nothing.
Ecg showed ectopic beats.
Ovary showed possible masses. Said to monitor fir a few months and see.
I know they're not completely ignoring me but I had to fight for these tests and they only started doing them cause I learned how to get them too after many many failed attempts.
The cardiologist said my heart is fine so I'm having one second opinion app soon to check and to address the exercise problems and I don't dwell on it.
I dunno its complicated. I panic, I know I panic, hence why I'm here. But I also feel awful so much and keep getting weird symptoms that anxiety really cant be causing anymore.
---------- Post added at 15:52 ---------- Previous post was at 15:48 ----------
There is a system in this country where, if your GP feels there is any chance you may have cancer, then you are seen within two weeks by a consultant. I feel sure if you explained your "breast" condition to your GP he would arrange for you to have a mammogram. If for any reason he would not agree to this then it would be cheaper for you to have a private mammogram in this country than to go to Germany and have an MRI scan.
Its Poland so own currency that's 1/5 of the pound, so it won't be too expensive.
Id much rather, and will obviously have to if anything is found but its the initial diagnosis that's hard.
They don't want to do tests here and it takes months to get a simple initial appointment with a specialist.
The problem is GPs don't think cancer is a possibility in the young unless the symptoms are obvious.
I went to the walk in centre for heart problems last year, he told me to breathe into a paper bag. 2 months later I was told I had ectopic bears and a slight heart murmer. I just want to be sure is all.
It sounds like you're in a really bad place. I remember at 19 I felt bulletproof. Now at 32, I'm a hot mess. I like to think in statistics. Statistically there is very little chance you have cancer, but I understand that voice in your head that you can't tune out. Listen to and trust your doctors (easier said than done). That's what I'm trying to do as well. Good luck and try to enjoy your holiday!
I had ectopic bears
http://i.imgur.com/670Hx8O.gif
http://i.imgur.com/670Hx8O.gif
Oh man, damn autocorrect. I wish I had some ectopic bears
I have not laughed that hard in a while thank you:roflmao:
---------- Post added at 16:29 ---------- Previous post was at 16:17 ----------
It sounds like you're in a really bad place. I remember at 19 I felt bulletproof. Now at 32, I'm a hot mess. I like to think in statistics. Statistically there is very little chance you have cancer, but I understand that voice in your head that you can't tune out. Listen to and trust your doctors (easier said than done). That's what I'm trying to do as well. Good luck and try to enjoy your holiday!
Thank you. I am trying to believe statistics too, its hard to care about a percentage unfortunately when you feel like your dying. That is the thing too. I feel like I can be doing so much at my age and I am miserable leaving the house every day and have to fight to not show anyone how ill I feel. Its frustrating.
I hope you feel better soon too :) XXX
I have not laughed that hard in a while thank you
Glad to have helped :)
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.