Uncertain27
15-04-15, 17:45
It sounds fairly self-centred and ridiculous, but since I was little I wanted to 'help people'. The earliest thing I remember about this is my parents shouting at me as I was interested in death and weird accidents from the age of about 5 (but not in an anxious way, I just found it interesting). Well, apart from the shouting!! :blush:
Later, when I was old enough that I could have actually done something, rather than just talking or reading about it, I tried and guess what? It didn't work!! When I was 16-ish I tried to help my brothers when they were ill and they told me to go away and insisted I got my mum, even if she was out or asleep. I had to try to because I felt guilty ignoring them totally, especially if they were being sick or something, but there was no way in h*ll they'd have let me touch them. This also got me shouted at a few times for waking my parents up or for making everything about me.
That didn't put me off applying for children's hospital volunteering, and guess what, they didn't want me. Although that was probably because I have no A Levels!! I also joined St John Ambulance and was in it from 2005 to last year and passed all the courses except a few that were cancelled, but all I ever did was give a few people plasters and directions, not quite as dramatic as on TV.
They took me to things "as an observer" but on the rare occasion anything did happen they made me wait outside the treatment room or with a different group so I don't feel I learnt very much that I couldn't have done from just reading a first-aid book. The fact I always got annoyed when some of the group leaders acted too flirty with me probably didn't improve matters either!
After all of that and a few other things of the sort, I'm often sure I'll make everyone's problems worse even just by existing, and worry that it will happen again and I'll be told to go away or worse in public! People think it's social anxiety, emetophobia or other things which it isn't really. I used to be unhappy that I couldn't actually help anyone but I'm getting over that recently by accepting it's a fantasy thing and writing stories about it. There's a category for that sort of thing on most fanfiction sites so presumably it isn't that weird? :unsure:
Can anyone else relate to this? I've never met anyone else who has this problem, or at least none who've ever mentioned it!
:)
(Please delete this if it's inappropriate or in the wrong place)
Later, when I was old enough that I could have actually done something, rather than just talking or reading about it, I tried and guess what? It didn't work!! When I was 16-ish I tried to help my brothers when they were ill and they told me to go away and insisted I got my mum, even if she was out or asleep. I had to try to because I felt guilty ignoring them totally, especially if they were being sick or something, but there was no way in h*ll they'd have let me touch them. This also got me shouted at a few times for waking my parents up or for making everything about me.
That didn't put me off applying for children's hospital volunteering, and guess what, they didn't want me. Although that was probably because I have no A Levels!! I also joined St John Ambulance and was in it from 2005 to last year and passed all the courses except a few that were cancelled, but all I ever did was give a few people plasters and directions, not quite as dramatic as on TV.
They took me to things "as an observer" but on the rare occasion anything did happen they made me wait outside the treatment room or with a different group so I don't feel I learnt very much that I couldn't have done from just reading a first-aid book. The fact I always got annoyed when some of the group leaders acted too flirty with me probably didn't improve matters either!
After all of that and a few other things of the sort, I'm often sure I'll make everyone's problems worse even just by existing, and worry that it will happen again and I'll be told to go away or worse in public! People think it's social anxiety, emetophobia or other things which it isn't really. I used to be unhappy that I couldn't actually help anyone but I'm getting over that recently by accepting it's a fantasy thing and writing stories about it. There's a category for that sort of thing on most fanfiction sites so presumably it isn't that weird? :unsure:
Can anyone else relate to this? I've never met anyone else who has this problem, or at least none who've ever mentioned it!
:)
(Please delete this if it's inappropriate or in the wrong place)