PDA

View Full Version : Dunno where to put this - rejection / self esteem related



Uncertain27
15-04-15, 17:45
It sounds fairly self-centred and ridiculous, but since I was little I wanted to 'help people'. The earliest thing I remember about this is my parents shouting at me as I was interested in death and weird accidents from the age of about 5 (but not in an anxious way, I just found it interesting). Well, apart from the shouting!! :blush:

Later, when I was old enough that I could have actually done something, rather than just talking or reading about it, I tried and guess what? It didn't work!! When I was 16-ish I tried to help my brothers when they were ill and they told me to go away and insisted I got my mum, even if she was out or asleep. I had to try to because I felt guilty ignoring them totally, especially if they were being sick or something, but there was no way in h*ll they'd have let me touch them. This also got me shouted at a few times for waking my parents up or for making everything about me.

That didn't put me off applying for children's hospital volunteering, and guess what, they didn't want me. Although that was probably because I have no A Levels!! I also joined St John Ambulance and was in it from 2005 to last year and passed all the courses except a few that were cancelled, but all I ever did was give a few people plasters and directions, not quite as dramatic as on TV.
They took me to things "as an observer" but on the rare occasion anything did happen they made me wait outside the treatment room or with a different group so I don't feel I learnt very much that I couldn't have done from just reading a first-aid book. The fact I always got annoyed when some of the group leaders acted too flirty with me probably didn't improve matters either!

After all of that and a few other things of the sort, I'm often sure I'll make everyone's problems worse even just by existing, and worry that it will happen again and I'll be told to go away or worse in public! People think it's social anxiety, emetophobia or other things which it isn't really. I used to be unhappy that I couldn't actually help anyone but I'm getting over that recently by accepting it's a fantasy thing and writing stories about it. There's a category for that sort of thing on most fanfiction sites so presumably it isn't that weird? :unsure:

Can anyone else relate to this? I've never met anyone else who has this problem, or at least none who've ever mentioned it!
:)

(Please delete this if it's inappropriate or in the wrong place)

AnxietyDJ
16-04-15, 09:46
Hi there, sorry to hear that you've been struggling with all this for some time.

Whilst I do not share the exact specifics that you mention, I do definitely have a desire to be accepted by people - even those I hardly know - and, for example, can be way more bothered by someone making a negative comment towards me, than most other people, who wouldn't think twice about it. I think this aspect of mental health is shared by many of us, so I very much doubt you are alone in your fears and anxieties.

Take care and I hope you start to feel better soon :)

MyNameIsTerry
17-04-15, 04:32
It sounds a bit like your self worth is directly linked to helping others and you struggle feeling worth in yourself without seeing it played out in that way.

I think we all have our issues in some way like this. I find helping others can sometimes be an avoidance to tackling my own problems so I have to keep an eye on it.

I'm also very customer service related by career and I feel the need to help, often at the cost of my own time.

I wonder whether it is because I don't particularily like myself.

Davit
17-04-15, 05:07
The thing with helping people is there will always be someone question why you do.

Funny you should say that Terry. I like me and don't think I would want to be anyone else, but I certainly do not like aspects of how I have to live. And I did not like what panic attacks was making me. All in the past.

Brunette
17-04-15, 16:43
I don't think it's a rejection of you, I think it's to do with the fact that your urge to help is centred on medical situations.

Ill or injured people often don't want help, even if they need it - they are in pain, possibly embarrassed in some cases, it's nothing personal.

At the same time medical care does usually require a degree of expertise, if you are not felt to have that then, in an emergency situation, it is possible that you will sometimes be seen as being "in the way". And remember the patient comes first, they might not want an observer present

I'd stick with the St.John's Ambulance and be patient. You will eventually get the experience you need.

Uncertain27
18-04-15, 00:55
I don't think it's a rejection of you, I think it's to do with the fact that your urge to help is centred on medical situations.

Ill or injured people often don't want help, even if they need it - they are in pain, possibly embarrassed in some cases, it's nothing personal.

At the same time medical care does usually require a degree of expertise, if you are not felt to have that then, in an emergency situation, it is possible that you will sometimes be seen as being "in the way". And remember the patient comes first, they might not want an observer present

I'd stick with the St.John's Ambulance and be patient. You will eventually get the experience you need.

It's not entirely centred on those situations but shop or office work for a charity is not the same and I couldn't do counselling because I'm too opinionated. And I don't think it's totally about my self-worth (although it'd be nice if people didn't think I was a weirdo) because I still like the idea when I'm perfectly happy.

Others seem to manage just fine!! I would obviously hold someone down if it was right now type life-threatening but it usually isn't...

I already left so I can't do that! They never asked the patients as far as I know, that was just what they normally did. And I did pass ALL the courses and training days so lack of knowledge wasn't the problem. I admit I did shout at one of the adults once but that was because he poked me in the ribs really hard and was always flirting with people. And I messed about a few times once I was bored after the first few years, but it was only teenage type being silly at the meetings, not with patients or anything. Thanks for the answers though everyone! :)

Uncertain27
21-04-15, 23:42
Didn't mean to be rude with the last post, sorry! And is it okay to assume the fact I have never had a job at 25 is nothing personal either? :blush: I don't think being asexual is affecting that...