relationship anxiety

[nicnac1987]

Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any input in this as its really getting to me at the moment. I have been engaged before but he was killed in the military. I am currently engaged again but this happened a few weeks after I started on my current anxious episode. Now I'm panicky around my fiancé, I keep obsessing over weither I find him attractive even though rationally I know its not overly important and hasn't bothered me before. I'm also worrying about weither our relationship is working even though there were no problems before I started obsessing about it. I love him dearly and don't want to be without him. Has anyone got any insight into what help I can get and if this is just part of my GAD even though it takes up most of my worry time. Thanks

[Oosh]

I think we can worry about anything suggested to us and this is fair game - the people around us, hurting them, not loving them etc

So you have probably discovered you can conjure up images/movies in your head that lead you to doubt and get anxious. So try and conjure up images/movies in your head that evoke more positive emotions about your partner.
Remember the nice things he's done/been to you.
Imagine him coming to harm, does this hurt you because you care about him a great deal ?
Imagine him replaced with crappy people, would his qualities stand out to you more and would he and they be missed etc ?

Doubt/anxiety is very good at showing you things but you can show yourself things too.

[nicnac1987]

Thanks. I would be absolutely devastated if I lost him. He is my best friend, my support and I love him so much. I thought it was over As I explained all my worries to him and as he was tired wasn't very understanding at first and I was unconsolable! I think it must just be my biggest fear!

[Davit]

Are you his best friend, that is the key you know. As long as you are best friends you can't lose him. Is the trigger here actually that you think at some point he won't want you. The best relationships are based on mutual acceptance, friendship, everything else is bonus.

[fallingstar]

First off, congratulations on your engagement!

I'm almost certain it's just your anxiety... that's my opinion at least. :)
If you are completely happy with him and can't imagine life without him, then there's your answer right there.
I read in an article once bout obsessive thoughts being part of anxiety sometimes. This sounds like one of those.... even if you know you want this etc, your mind still plays tricks with you and throws things in your head. Sadly anxiety makes us think up irrational and scary and sad things sometimes. My best advice is to just follow your heart and what you already know. And maybe see a counselor/therapist to talk to. I'm sure they can help you ease your mind, plus help you find away to deal with the worries you have. And he will understand everything I'm sure. And I'm very sorry about your first engagement.

[nicnac1987]

Yes I am also his best friend. Apart from where we had a bit of a misunderstanding last week he completely says he is here for me. God I hate anxiety. Its been the one of the worst things in my life when I can't control it like now!

[Davit]

Good then you have nothing to worry about, but probably will because that is just how it works. I'm sure he can separate the anxiety from you.

[Danny 74]

Hi nicnac,

Just wanted to let you know I have experienced this same problem many times over the years yet I am now in my 15th year with my partner!

It is extremely difficult for a partner to understand but trying to discuss it with him may help and if you are an anxiety sufferer believe me you will need a partner who is understanding, patient & able to listen & this will be a great test for you guys early on in your time together.

It's true that anxiety sufferers are also prone to obsessional, worrying & distressing thoughts and this is probably part of that. I spent years working with people with ocd who worried about the most unusual thoughts but couldn't let go of them but, as so often with anxiety the key is recognising it for what it is:anxiety.

Good luck & take care

[nicnac1987]

Thanks. It is good to know that it can be worked through and doesn't just mean its the end. I know it is just anxiety as I have blown it completely out of proportion and have not thought it before this silly obsession began. We get on so well in every aspect of our relationship, I know in time it will calm down and I just need to ignore the what if's and doubts etc and focus on all of the good things.