enceladus
19-04-15, 00:02
Hi all!
So, I know most of you have seen this before but I needed to get this off my chest. It's just ruining my day to day functioning and turning me into a depressive mess, and I hear this is the community to turn to when you're in a dark place.
I'm a 28 year old male, was in pretty good shape up until this month, have stopped working out since last month as I was having some nerve pain down my arms and some slight fatigue which brought me to my doctor. He did a complete blood count, my white blood cells were slightly high and neutrophils were high and he said I've got some kind of infection, so he did another test and then they were back to somewhat normal, and all was well, so I thought.
I've had muscle twitches here and there since last year but since I learned these were a symptom, or at least byproduct of ALS they started going crazy after my doctors appointment. Now I get them fairly frequently across my body, the majority of them are in my legs.
Biggest mistake I made was going on the ALS/BFS forums, which fed my paranoia even more. I'm not going to explain the same anecdotal stuff I read, because I don't want to alarm any of you who may be going through the same thing.
After the Dr's appointment, I had a follow-up, and told him I want to see a neurologist for an EMG -- that is booked for the beginning part of June. He also prescribed me some xanax 0.25mg as I told him I was having some bad anxiety about this, told me to take it when necessary -- I've taken a handful of these pills in the past month, when my mind gets really bad.
Two weeks ago I came down with a bad viral infection, phlegm, coughing, the whole bit. I was miserable, and just recently recovered 90% from this.
I am still getting dull aches in my hands, legs and feet. Sometimes I wake up and my hands are asleep. So the past few weeks have been strength testing, picking up stuff randomly, trawling forums, you name it - I'm sure some of you folks have been there. The left hand in particular I'm now obsessed over, as I feel like I almost strained my thumb while trying to lift a 50lb barbell while strength testing, but I can't be sure -- the left thumb and thenar area just always has a dull ache!
There were pins and needles, burning and painful twitches in my right foot two days ago as I was driving home from work, it's a weird sensation when you're using that foot to drive! It almost felt numb.
Anyway so I tried to workout again today, a very light workout, and the pains in my left hand have increased. They're a dull ache, accompanied by a sensation almost like the hand wants to cramp. Like there is a tendon in there that is inflamed, or in pain for whatever reason. It's even happening right now as I type this post. It's very uncomfortable and really feeds the negative thoughts in my head.
I sometimes get the same sensation in my right hand but it's really focusing on the left. I keep checking this damn hand for atrophy! I look at all the dents, the size of the thumb, the thenar eminence - everything. All the time. It's unhealthy, its obsessive, and I just can't stop.
I'm going nuts, guys. This is a level I never thought I'd reach. I'm such a nice, carefree, chill guy in real life in every aspect. I know this is taking a toll on my fiancee (she's in medicine, ironically enough) and I just don't want her to think of me as a weak human being anymore, so I try to put on a brave face.
I've pretty much thought out in my head how I'm going to finance my funeral, instead of my wedding which is planned for next year. How I'm going to break it to my mother. It is very depressing and everyone around me can see I'm not my normal, happy self.
I try not to think dark thoughts, I turned more towards faith, but I'm still having a real hard time when I experience new symptoms like these "ready to cramp" hand sensations.
I can't wait until my neurologist appointment, either way, I'd like to know what is wrong. I'll be ready if its the worse, and I'll be relieved if its nothing.
Thanks for the read folks (those that could get through this entire block! :D) any and all thoughts appreciated. :huh:
So, I know most of you have seen this before but I needed to get this off my chest. It's just ruining my day to day functioning and turning me into a depressive mess, and I hear this is the community to turn to when you're in a dark place.
I'm a 28 year old male, was in pretty good shape up until this month, have stopped working out since last month as I was having some nerve pain down my arms and some slight fatigue which brought me to my doctor. He did a complete blood count, my white blood cells were slightly high and neutrophils were high and he said I've got some kind of infection, so he did another test and then they were back to somewhat normal, and all was well, so I thought.
I've had muscle twitches here and there since last year but since I learned these were a symptom, or at least byproduct of ALS they started going crazy after my doctors appointment. Now I get them fairly frequently across my body, the majority of them are in my legs.
Biggest mistake I made was going on the ALS/BFS forums, which fed my paranoia even more. I'm not going to explain the same anecdotal stuff I read, because I don't want to alarm any of you who may be going through the same thing.
After the Dr's appointment, I had a follow-up, and told him I want to see a neurologist for an EMG -- that is booked for the beginning part of June. He also prescribed me some xanax 0.25mg as I told him I was having some bad anxiety about this, told me to take it when necessary -- I've taken a handful of these pills in the past month, when my mind gets really bad.
Two weeks ago I came down with a bad viral infection, phlegm, coughing, the whole bit. I was miserable, and just recently recovered 90% from this.
I am still getting dull aches in my hands, legs and feet. Sometimes I wake up and my hands are asleep. So the past few weeks have been strength testing, picking up stuff randomly, trawling forums, you name it - I'm sure some of you folks have been there. The left hand in particular I'm now obsessed over, as I feel like I almost strained my thumb while trying to lift a 50lb barbell while strength testing, but I can't be sure -- the left thumb and thenar area just always has a dull ache!
There were pins and needles, burning and painful twitches in my right foot two days ago as I was driving home from work, it's a weird sensation when you're using that foot to drive! It almost felt numb.
Anyway so I tried to workout again today, a very light workout, and the pains in my left hand have increased. They're a dull ache, accompanied by a sensation almost like the hand wants to cramp. Like there is a tendon in there that is inflamed, or in pain for whatever reason. It's even happening right now as I type this post. It's very uncomfortable and really feeds the negative thoughts in my head.
I sometimes get the same sensation in my right hand but it's really focusing on the left. I keep checking this damn hand for atrophy! I look at all the dents, the size of the thumb, the thenar eminence - everything. All the time. It's unhealthy, its obsessive, and I just can't stop.
I'm going nuts, guys. This is a level I never thought I'd reach. I'm such a nice, carefree, chill guy in real life in every aspect. I know this is taking a toll on my fiancee (she's in medicine, ironically enough) and I just don't want her to think of me as a weak human being anymore, so I try to put on a brave face.
I've pretty much thought out in my head how I'm going to finance my funeral, instead of my wedding which is planned for next year. How I'm going to break it to my mother. It is very depressing and everyone around me can see I'm not my normal, happy self.
I try not to think dark thoughts, I turned more towards faith, but I'm still having a real hard time when I experience new symptoms like these "ready to cramp" hand sensations.
I can't wait until my neurologist appointment, either way, I'd like to know what is wrong. I'll be ready if its the worse, and I'll be relieved if its nothing.
Thanks for the read folks (those that could get through this entire block! :D) any and all thoughts appreciated. :huh: