silver_shoes
21-04-15, 14:24
Hi all,
I registered recently as I suffer from terrible health anxiety due to some past experiences and I wanted to introduce myself properly :)
I first came across this forum way back (10 years ago...!) in late 2005 after I had been suffering from very sudden and random panic attacks whilst driving at night. I am pretty sure my name on here back then was "Juliamidlands" or something similar however I have created this new account as the email address I'd have been using at the time is long since defunct. I remember 'Nicola', 'Meg' and 'Piglet' as some of the forum admins/members around at the time, I'm sure :) This forum was a massive part of my recovery and I'm happy to say that although the panic attacks whilst driving lasted for several months, I no longer suffer from them. In fact, that period in my life just seems so long ago since so much has happened to me in the 9/10 years since I was last on this forum. I am 33 now..!!
I have had some very up and down years unfortunately, regarding my health. In particular, in 2007, I had gallbladder problems which were initially misdiagnosed but this was eventually treated with gallbladder removal later that year, and I am now fully recovered. Unfortunately this took its toll on me mentally since the physical pain I experienced during this illness was indescribable, the long stays in hospital off my head on pain relief, the doctors and their different opinions, and the uncertainty and fear during these months was just horrific and took a long time to get over. To this day, I suffer with occasional nightmares/flashbacks. This left me extremely anxious about my health and in the years that followed, I just seemed to be unlucky health-wise and doctors not always finding out what was wrong and misdiagnosing me just added to the anxiety. I used to work full-time but found that I was going from one job to another because my sickness absence would become an issue (IBS, colds, flu etc) and I would be subject to disciplinary hearings and this in itself was horrible (since early 2008 I have worked for the NHS in administrative/secretarial roles, had various permanent and temporary jobs).
My personal life over the years has been a rollercoaster, I have lived with two previous partners, one of whom was abusive, however thankfully in mid-2013 I met my wonderful fiance Graham who has restored my faith in humankind, and I moved to Sheffield to live with him at the end of that year, just after recovering from the operation I will tell you about now...
in August 2013 I was very unwell with appendicitis, to be fair the doctors rapidly treated and diagnose this, I had to have open surgery which took many months to recover from. I am originally from Warwickshire but in 2013 I was living in Nottingham for my (NHS) job and had the operation at the hospital I was working at. I was living in a shared house and had to spend my sick leave staying with my parents in Warwick as it was such a big operation and I needed a lot of help to get back on my feet (I weigh 21 stone and I am very unfit).
I eventually recovered from this thanks to the love and support of my parents, with whom I stayed for a couple of months whilst I got my strength back and my scar healed up, and Graham, who travelled every weekend from Sheffield to Warwick to see me during this time, this cemented our relationship and I moved in with him in November 2013 and we are engaged to be married on September 18th 2015! So I am all happy and settled in that sense :) :)
Health anxiety is a big problem for me, after these years of problems and uncertainty, it affects me greatly and I have just started seeing the IAPT service at my GP surgery for help with this, but I am not sure how much it will help me as I feel I need help with getting over what has happened to me in the past, but the CBT lady I am seeing helps me cope with things in the present time, so I am not sure how it is going to pan out. ) It manifests itself in many ways eg a few months ago I had a vomiting bug and I was so scared I called an ambulance as I thought my bowel was obstructed (I have adhesions from my appendix surgery so this is a very real risk for me) but turns out it was just a norovirus-type bug and I was better a few days later. I always see the negative side of things and since moving to Sheffield 18 months ago, I have had a few jobs that I have quit because of my health worries and sickness absence levels. I am currently looking for part-time work as I think this will help me cope better, and also because financially we are in a position where I don't HAVE to work full-time, but I would like to do something part time, just hope I can cope! We are currently planning our wedding and I want to be able to contribute to the savings, I just feel useless at the moment.
So this is the point I am now at, I struggle to trust doctors and I always think they must have missed something. Strangely, I am not someone who sits and worries about their health when they have no history of any problems (I am not meaning to be disrespectful to people on here who do this, apologies if this comes across as so), but my anxieties very much stem from all I have been through and the misdiagnoses etc.
I have had a long-standing battle with my weight which I find impossible to shift because for many years I have had issues with low blood sugars, more recently I have been told I am probably pre-diabetic and I am currently undergoing tests with an Endocrinologist to look into this further, but he feels that this is related to my weight and insulin resistance. I had some blood tests done by the GP recently and they showed my fasting insulin was slightly raised (think it was something like the top of the normal range is 172 and mine was 183 so not hugely raised but a bit) and the GP called me to inform me of this, and mentioned the dreaded Insulinoma word (a generally benign pancreatic tumour which secretes too much insulin) but he "was only a GP so wasn't sure"... now the GP knows about my health anxiety but told me this in a very blase way which sent me off into hysterical tears yesterday, so I moved the Endocrinology appointment I had originally at an NHS hospital next month, to a private appointment last night as I was too hysterically upset to wait for the NHS appointment. The Endocrinologist is arranging for me to have a Mixed Meal Tolerance Test in the next few weeks (at the NHS hospital) and then is going to be seeing me again next month for the result. He said he really doesn't think I have an Insulinoma as I don't have fasting low blood sugars, it's just between meals I get them, he thinks that my weight isnt helping me with all of this.
Things generally have come to a head lately as since the start of last week I have been feeling really not well at all, with hot and cold sweats ONLY on my hands and feet, very very tired, emotional and just awful, off colour, originally the GP said it was a viral illness but I have since had some blood tests which show that my Vitamin D levels are severely low, and so yesterday I started taking a supplements for this, prescribed by the GP, one capsule weekly for 12 weeks, this may posssibly account for many of my symptoms, including my anxiety and, I feel, an element of depression, that has been getting slowly worse in recent months. I hope that the Vitamin D tablets don't take too long to work!
All I want is to feel happy, healthy and able to look forward to our wedding, Graham has been my absolute rock through all of this and has helped me so much. I do feel that the severe Vit D deficiency does explain a lot as I have been especially anxious and low recently. I have the niggling doubt of course, of what if the doctors are missing something? Even though I have had all these blood tests recently, I think they have all been normal apart from the Vit D and fasting insulin, which is being looked into as mentioned earlier. The sudden onset of the sweaty hands and feet (it comes and goes) and also loss of appetite over this past week has really alarmed me, one GP I have spoken to mentioned it may be anxiety related to all the worries I have had about my blood sugar issues (I was testing it myself obsessively, but have recently got rid of my monitor as it was taking over my life, so I am going to try hard to leave that issue in the capable hands of the Endocrinologist)
Sorry for the very long post but maybe someone can relate. Feels good just to get it all on 'paper' anyway. Thanks foe reading :)
I registered recently as I suffer from terrible health anxiety due to some past experiences and I wanted to introduce myself properly :)
I first came across this forum way back (10 years ago...!) in late 2005 after I had been suffering from very sudden and random panic attacks whilst driving at night. I am pretty sure my name on here back then was "Juliamidlands" or something similar however I have created this new account as the email address I'd have been using at the time is long since defunct. I remember 'Nicola', 'Meg' and 'Piglet' as some of the forum admins/members around at the time, I'm sure :) This forum was a massive part of my recovery and I'm happy to say that although the panic attacks whilst driving lasted for several months, I no longer suffer from them. In fact, that period in my life just seems so long ago since so much has happened to me in the 9/10 years since I was last on this forum. I am 33 now..!!
I have had some very up and down years unfortunately, regarding my health. In particular, in 2007, I had gallbladder problems which were initially misdiagnosed but this was eventually treated with gallbladder removal later that year, and I am now fully recovered. Unfortunately this took its toll on me mentally since the physical pain I experienced during this illness was indescribable, the long stays in hospital off my head on pain relief, the doctors and their different opinions, and the uncertainty and fear during these months was just horrific and took a long time to get over. To this day, I suffer with occasional nightmares/flashbacks. This left me extremely anxious about my health and in the years that followed, I just seemed to be unlucky health-wise and doctors not always finding out what was wrong and misdiagnosing me just added to the anxiety. I used to work full-time but found that I was going from one job to another because my sickness absence would become an issue (IBS, colds, flu etc) and I would be subject to disciplinary hearings and this in itself was horrible (since early 2008 I have worked for the NHS in administrative/secretarial roles, had various permanent and temporary jobs).
My personal life over the years has been a rollercoaster, I have lived with two previous partners, one of whom was abusive, however thankfully in mid-2013 I met my wonderful fiance Graham who has restored my faith in humankind, and I moved to Sheffield to live with him at the end of that year, just after recovering from the operation I will tell you about now...
in August 2013 I was very unwell with appendicitis, to be fair the doctors rapidly treated and diagnose this, I had to have open surgery which took many months to recover from. I am originally from Warwickshire but in 2013 I was living in Nottingham for my (NHS) job and had the operation at the hospital I was working at. I was living in a shared house and had to spend my sick leave staying with my parents in Warwick as it was such a big operation and I needed a lot of help to get back on my feet (I weigh 21 stone and I am very unfit).
I eventually recovered from this thanks to the love and support of my parents, with whom I stayed for a couple of months whilst I got my strength back and my scar healed up, and Graham, who travelled every weekend from Sheffield to Warwick to see me during this time, this cemented our relationship and I moved in with him in November 2013 and we are engaged to be married on September 18th 2015! So I am all happy and settled in that sense :) :)
Health anxiety is a big problem for me, after these years of problems and uncertainty, it affects me greatly and I have just started seeing the IAPT service at my GP surgery for help with this, but I am not sure how much it will help me as I feel I need help with getting over what has happened to me in the past, but the CBT lady I am seeing helps me cope with things in the present time, so I am not sure how it is going to pan out. ) It manifests itself in many ways eg a few months ago I had a vomiting bug and I was so scared I called an ambulance as I thought my bowel was obstructed (I have adhesions from my appendix surgery so this is a very real risk for me) but turns out it was just a norovirus-type bug and I was better a few days later. I always see the negative side of things and since moving to Sheffield 18 months ago, I have had a few jobs that I have quit because of my health worries and sickness absence levels. I am currently looking for part-time work as I think this will help me cope better, and also because financially we are in a position where I don't HAVE to work full-time, but I would like to do something part time, just hope I can cope! We are currently planning our wedding and I want to be able to contribute to the savings, I just feel useless at the moment.
So this is the point I am now at, I struggle to trust doctors and I always think they must have missed something. Strangely, I am not someone who sits and worries about their health when they have no history of any problems (I am not meaning to be disrespectful to people on here who do this, apologies if this comes across as so), but my anxieties very much stem from all I have been through and the misdiagnoses etc.
I have had a long-standing battle with my weight which I find impossible to shift because for many years I have had issues with low blood sugars, more recently I have been told I am probably pre-diabetic and I am currently undergoing tests with an Endocrinologist to look into this further, but he feels that this is related to my weight and insulin resistance. I had some blood tests done by the GP recently and they showed my fasting insulin was slightly raised (think it was something like the top of the normal range is 172 and mine was 183 so not hugely raised but a bit) and the GP called me to inform me of this, and mentioned the dreaded Insulinoma word (a generally benign pancreatic tumour which secretes too much insulin) but he "was only a GP so wasn't sure"... now the GP knows about my health anxiety but told me this in a very blase way which sent me off into hysterical tears yesterday, so I moved the Endocrinology appointment I had originally at an NHS hospital next month, to a private appointment last night as I was too hysterically upset to wait for the NHS appointment. The Endocrinologist is arranging for me to have a Mixed Meal Tolerance Test in the next few weeks (at the NHS hospital) and then is going to be seeing me again next month for the result. He said he really doesn't think I have an Insulinoma as I don't have fasting low blood sugars, it's just between meals I get them, he thinks that my weight isnt helping me with all of this.
Things generally have come to a head lately as since the start of last week I have been feeling really not well at all, with hot and cold sweats ONLY on my hands and feet, very very tired, emotional and just awful, off colour, originally the GP said it was a viral illness but I have since had some blood tests which show that my Vitamin D levels are severely low, and so yesterday I started taking a supplements for this, prescribed by the GP, one capsule weekly for 12 weeks, this may posssibly account for many of my symptoms, including my anxiety and, I feel, an element of depression, that has been getting slowly worse in recent months. I hope that the Vitamin D tablets don't take too long to work!
All I want is to feel happy, healthy and able to look forward to our wedding, Graham has been my absolute rock through all of this and has helped me so much. I do feel that the severe Vit D deficiency does explain a lot as I have been especially anxious and low recently. I have the niggling doubt of course, of what if the doctors are missing something? Even though I have had all these blood tests recently, I think they have all been normal apart from the Vit D and fasting insulin, which is being looked into as mentioned earlier. The sudden onset of the sweaty hands and feet (it comes and goes) and also loss of appetite over this past week has really alarmed me, one GP I have spoken to mentioned it may be anxiety related to all the worries I have had about my blood sugar issues (I was testing it myself obsessively, but have recently got rid of my monitor as it was taking over my life, so I am going to try hard to leave that issue in the capable hands of the Endocrinologist)
Sorry for the very long post but maybe someone can relate. Feels good just to get it all on 'paper' anyway. Thanks foe reading :)