Start college tomorrow, don't know if I made a mistake!

[jayjoe18]

Hi everyone, it's been so long since I've last been online!

I just wanted to come back here as I'm currently in abit of a panic and looking for some support. Any advice is welcome :blush:

So, things have been going ok over the past couple of months I've been trying to get on with things, I've been learning to drive for the past year which has gone well (my test is coming up, but that's another story!)

Anyway, so I decided to apply to college and I start tomorrow morning. As usual I am now getting worried and bad anticipation anxiety and I'm regretting ever applying. I don't know if I've made a mistake...

I had to go into the college for an assessment which went ok and I put myself down for night classes (I thought it would be a quieter, calmer atmosphere at night) but I then had second thoughts when it came to it as I didn't want to spend the whole day worrying & not eating before college so I switched over to the daytime class (my thought is I can get up and go and get it over with) But now it's come down to it I really don't know if I can do it!

The class is once a week for 3 hours, 9am-12pm. It doesn't sound a lot on paper but in my mind I'm worrying so much about having to be in a class full of people for 3 hours solid. I'm not too bad when I go somewhere if I know I won't be there long but worry when I feel like I can't escape.

I'm trying to help myself but I don't know if I'm ready to go back to that sort of environment with students... I don't want to make myself ill with the anxiety every week.

I just don't know what to do, right now I feel like I want to chicken out but then I know I'll feel guilty but also relieved. Ahhhh I just don't know what to do :shrug::unsure:

[Davit]

My question is do you want this or do you feel you have to. It is far easier to want something than to have to do it. If you feel you have to you will have to find a way to switch that thought to want to. Have to is negative and will attract other negative thoughts.

[jayjoe18]

My question is do you want this or do you feel you have to. It is far easier to want something than to have to do it. If you feel you have to you will have to find a way to switch that thought to want to. Have to is negative and will attract other negative thoughts.

I want to go back to education and better myself, but this course I feel like a have to do it, I don't want to. It's a maths GCSE course as I didn't get it at school due to my abscence because of anxiety. So it's difficult because I do want to be in education but I don't want to do this particular course :wacko: I have to do this course though in order to do other courses that I would like to do. Maybe not liking the course isn't helping :weep:

[.Poppy.]

Do you get a break halfway through the class? That may help.

Sometimes I can feel a little panicky when in a room with others when I feel I can't escape...what I usually do is locate the bathroom and/or the water fountain before I go into class, then sit near the door. That way, I can tell myself that if it gets to be too much I can run to the bathroom or "fake" a cough and step out for a drink of water.

I've actually found that allowing myself the option makes it so that I feel calmer. I think I've only ever left a handful of times in years of classes.

I had a semester off and then went back to school so I understand - it feels hard! I think you'll feel better once you get into that routine though.

[jayjoe18]

Oh god, mornings here... I start at 9... I don't think I can do this :( I haven't felt anxiety like this for so long, I don't want to go back to those feelings of pure terror. Maybe I'm just not cut out for the classroom environment. I don't know what to do I'm so scared right now :( :( :(

[Davit]

I asked because "have to" is a negative thought and will affect other thoughts. If you could want to do it and get it over the thought would have less control of your feelings. It is amazing how much control negative words and thoughts can have.

[jayjoe18]

Do you get a break halfway through the class? That may help.

Sometimes I can feel a little panicky when in a room with others when I feel I can't escape...what I usually do is locate the bathroom and/or the water fountain before I go into class, then sit near the door. That way, I can tell myself that if it gets to be too much I can run to the bathroom or "fake" a cough and step out for a drink of water.

I've actually found that allowing myself the option makes it so that I feel calmer. I think I've only ever left a handful of times in years of classes.

I had a semester off and then went back to school so I understand - it feels hard! I think you'll feel better once you get into that routine though.

Thanks Poppy, I do actually do most of those already, checking where the bathrooms are and sitting close to the door. If you put an escape plan together in your head it really does help doesn't it!

---------- Post added at 09:03 ---------- Previous post was at 08:55 ----------

Well it's just past 9am and I'm sat at home. I didn't make it, I chickened out :(

I had every intention of going, clothes out, bag packed, new stationery bought, but the panic got the better of me. That's twice now I've failed at getting to college or dropped out. Why is this so hard for me?

I feel absolutely awful now, I spent all yesterday/last night and this morning in a state for nothing. I feel like a let down. I've wasted people's time again and now I feel like a failure. I'm never going to get an education at this rate :( :( :'( :'(

[.Poppy.]

Can't you still go back next week? Just contact your teacher and tell them you were sick today?

If you can, I think it's worth it to try to make it to one class. Even if you don't stay the entire time or run out multiple times, you may find it's not as bad as you're anticipating it to be.