What now?

[lisa p]

Well, once again I'm at the stage where I am thinking what now?

The agoraphobia and pa's have really taken over my life, and my day revolves around the dread of having to collect the children from school, the fear that somebody may suggest I go out somewhere and the dreadful sicky feeling.

This weekend family members started putting pressure of me to go on small journeys etc - which I refused to even think about and made me really stressed and upset.

I do feel sorry for my hubby and two children, but I dont stop them from doing things, my feelings are that I may be nearly housebound but I am still a useful person, I make the home a lovely place for them to come home to with lovely homecooked food, special treats and lots of love.

So why can the other family members not understand that in my little world I am happy staying at home , doing the things that I can do. I do not have any desire to go out on daytrips or holidays.

So... Where do I go from here, the hypnotist did nothing for me at all, I'm too scared to take meds, and cant make it to the docs to explain to them just how bad I have got.

I would dearly love to be able to do family things with my hubby and kids but have given up trying. I told them at the weekend they need two mummys - one that stays at home and cooks and cleans - ME!! and another to go out with them!

Well thats me done, thanks for taking the time in reading, any advice would be greatly received.

Lisax

[ceecee]

hi lisa
i totally understand the school run thing hun!
could a doctor come to you for a home visit so you could get help that way?its such a shame that anxiety makes us feel that bad that we have to retreat to the saftey of our homes!
i know how frustrating it is for you when family etc put pressure on you to go out and about!what about just going in the car for a drive with your hubby and children,does that make you feel less anxious?
sorry i just wish i had more advice for you lisa but i feel a bit like that myself at the mo!take care and feel free to pm me if you want a chat
rach x

[Lynnann]

Hi Lisa,

My surgery will do a phone consultation with a GP perhaps you could do that and explain your difficulties in getting to the surgery,. Then maybe a follow up home visit could be arranged.

Hugs to you

Keep your chin up

Lynnann

[belle]

Hi Lisa...
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now.
Can i offer you some advice which i have recently FORCED upon my loved ones.
I've been ill for about a month now and i've not been doing a lot at all and on the day i went out with my mum i felt shocking (coughing, couldn't breath) and i needed to go back to the car and drive round to the doctors rather than walk. To that i get "YOU'RE GETTING WORSE AREN'T YOU!!!". OH MY GOODNESS. I've spent days/nights feeling like crap and on THAT day in particular i felt sh*t, DOES NOT mean i am "slipping backwards!"
(I'm getting to a point here...lol)
So, on one of my nights where i couldn't sleep i thought to myself, what if i didn't have ALL the pressure to do things. I get pressured from my husband, my mother and lots of other people too. I know for a fact feeling that pressure and knowing i'm not able to do it at the moment makes me feel terrible, guilty, useless, worthless....and all those feelings result into me being too hard on my self, feeling depressed and then not wanting to do things.
I emailed my husband and explained all this to him and this is the email...

** I KNOW the best way for me to get better is that i accept "FOR NOW" this IS me. I am agoraphobic. What would help me even more is that you too accept me, as i am. You seem to be embarrassed that i have agoraphobia, but thats not any good for me because it makes me feel guilty and guilt is something that is hindering my recovery.

I also need the pressure to be taken off of me completely. Once ALL pressure has gone i'll feel no need to "perform" anymore and therefore if i fail, they'll be no one saying to me that i not getting better quick enough.

Its so important that WE understand these things...
It IS okay to...

Have setbacks,
Feel anxiety
Have panic attacks
Feel scared when i'm out
NOT want to go out
Ask for my family to support me...

None of those things make me a failure. It makes me a person who is fighting their fear every single day of her life and that my dear is exhausting!
I need you to realise that i can feel all those things above and it doesn't make me a failure, i need to you support me completely and not throw crap in my face for not doing things. THAT i know for sure does not help me. Please TRY and understand where i am coming from. **

What you have to remember here Lisa is that you STILL do things for your family. My goodness, i've seen so many articles and programs where perfectly healthy mothers let their children basically fend for themselves! Don't be hard on yourself, there are loads of children that would LOVE a nice home cooked meal, thats what us "Home mummy's" are good at... :)

I would LOVE to do things with my family and one day YOU WILL DO IT!

Take care,
Sarah x

[samc100]

Hi Lisa
Phone your surgery and explain you can't make it in - they should then arrange a time for your Dr to phone you.

I agree with the others that you are being hard on yourself. I now believe ( after going through my experience) that when your body and mind is ready you will go out. But pressure makes you step backwards not forward. So let yourself do what you want at the moment cos' it sounds you are going through a particulary bad time at the moment. And when ready build it up slowly. But please try to get the positive support you need.

XXX