very nerious about medication review today

[gregcool]

In two hrs ill be adviced to take new medication,after being on my meds for two years..phyciatrist appt at 2.30 to review my meds and there will be changes..in the past when i lived with my wife and kids,as i had someone there if i was feeling bad...not looking forward to this esp as in the past i was given new meds which made me worse and never got any better so ended up coming off them and restarting my old meds all over again..

[Crystalhiggs]

Good luck greg hope it's going well. I guess you just have to trust that they want the best for you! Let us know how it went! :)

[gregcool]

Well that didnt go as i excpected.she said i dont seem that depressed and said because of my last two years after loosing my wife and kids and family home and other stuff i had going on,that it was excpected to be this way.she said a lot has happend to me and i am sort of greving after loosing everything..she said im to cut down half of my olanzipine and try to come off it,as its not good for you long tearm.she didnt offer any other meds and when i asked her why,she said it will make no difference for me.she sugested if i get a job it will help my recovery..oh well.need a job then

[PanchoGoz]

I agree with her in a way Greg, how ever difficult it is to get back into normal life, it's better for you to try and do that than be permanently on medication and not getting anywhere. I think it's important to feel needed, valued and feel the independence of earning your keep and that might help you better than any medication.

[Crystalhiggs]

Greg I think that sounds really positive! How are you feeling about it? If the meds aren't good long term then it makes sense to reduce it. Assuming you'll stay on the trazodone? It kind of sounds like she's handing the power back to you, not treating you like a victim but saying you have the strength and the resources within you to deal with what you've been through (which Is a lot by the way!!)
Hope you're ok :)

[gregcool]

Well i dont feel to bad about it.i think iv allways known i need a job to have structure routen etc.and her saying i dont seem depressed makes me realize i am not as bad as i sometimes feel..im still looking for work.just wish something would come along soon.been looking for quite sometime now.

[Annie0904]

Greg I have just caught up with your last 2 threads and really pleased to know that you are getting more support now. It all sounds good to me :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

A bit like an adjustment disorder where one main event causes it but no anxiety & depression was there before?

A job would help, Greg. Sadly, we all know that can be difficult so do what you can with what you have got. I would suggest volunteering, as do mental health charities, and it doesn't have to affect benefits as far as I am aware but I would be careful to check that with any disability style ones...they can be sneaky!

Volunteering also helps to repair your CV a bit and demonstrates a different element to a prospective employer because most people don't work for free and work to reward themselves. Volunteering demonstrates the opposite and many will find that encouraging as it shows you are not just chasing cash & status.

[gregcool]

Thats what my doctor said i have..ajustment disorder.caused 10 years ago.but what i dont understand is why its taking so long to go away..i do need a job tho.iv aplied for a vol job in my local shops so just waiting to hear back from that..fingers crossed..

[MrAndy]

bit worrying they said olanzpaine is bad for you long term ive been on it for over two years ! .I think you have to take the "your not that depressed" comment as a positive Greg they see a lot of people and must see some very bad cases.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, I agree with MrAndy. They are very used to diagnosing depression and to be honest, its an easier diagnosis than anything anxiety related where there is so much overlap and ruling out going on.

Thats great that you've applied for that job, Greg. Voluntary brings the same, if not more, benefits in terms of your mental health and its less pressure so you can use it to ease your way back in.

Adjustment orders are just that, the inability to adjust to a situation and they get stuck unable to move beyond it. With therapy, you can do that. I big part of it is that after we have it long term, our core beliefs change (in my opinion) so that we start to see it as normal. Then when we try to change it, things seems alien, weird, so we question it all and bring the anxiety back. Its certainly part of anxiety recovery from my experience and talking to others on here and in the charity walk-ins.

I've just thought of something from talking to Dazza on the hobbies thread (Top Tips). There are charities and social enterprises that promote wellness (mental & physical) through outdoor projects e.g. gardening. There is a national trust site near me that take volunteers for maintaining the area. Well, according to this charity I was reading about in an article http://www.thrive.org.uk/thrives-garden-projects.aspx they have a database of 900 local projects across the UK. I wonder if there are any near you? Its something to do and be out of the house for in the nice weather.

[gregcool]

Yes andy.she said to me that long tearm use damages something,cant remember now exactly what she said..since iv been on olanzipine iv gained weight and felt a bit more bogged down and tired the next day,but it has helped me to sleep well,so worried about coming off it.im going to alternate 2.5mg one night then 5mg the next and so on for a couple of weeks.then stick to 2.5mg for a couple of weeks then half that and so on.see how i go..today for instance i got up after 9 solid hrs sleep but feel tired still and heavy and my anxiety is high.so im going to give it a go coming off them.and if that works im going to work on coming off trazadone to.see how that goes.see how i feel drug free.for all i know it might be the meds that are pulling me down and making me feel this way.it will take a few months if im sucsesfull to come off it all.i may not get there if the withdraw is to much for me.ill see how it goes

---------- Post added at 11:39 ---------- Previous post was at 11:35 ----------

Your right terry.i think there used to seeing people heavly depressed.i dodnt come across like that.but told her im good at hiding it and keeping it all in.i told her all about my anxiety etc which she understood but said if i had a job and friends and routen id prob feel better in my self..so will be looking into things to try and change my life.i think iv just got into a rut now and got used to feeling this way,although i hate it,its the only thing my brain knows.a job and friends and a social life would be nice..see if i can be lucky.

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's bound to be a big part of it, Greg, being unable to move on and a big rut.

I get stuck in ruts to and I need to do a lot more stop it but it's so easy when you don't have that structure that things like work bring. I often feel I haven't got enough time hey have to much, it's a strange place for your head to be.

I've found it can help if you change things around. Walk different routes, for instance. Changing you're viewpoint is one of the early lessons in MBCT and some days it does click in your head. In that therapy they explain how we spend too much time in autopilot mode and that's funny really because we spend a lot of time creating routines and don't the same things as part of a normal life, we grow up like that, get trained to be like that, etc.

[gregcool]

I know qhat you meen mate getting atuck in routens.i changed my route into town today as im fed up with the same jurney to get there.but still just fed uo with walking to town every day just to sit on a bench for a couple of hrs and pop in the job center.iv done this now for 2 long years and had enough of it.theres nothing good waiting for me at the end of the walk.i just do it to pass the time of day.but nothing exciting about it.some people think i have a easy life,just getting uo when i want and dossing around all day,but they have no idea how depressing this sort of day is for me,not having friends or the confedence to make mew friends along the way.id give anything to have to get uo at 6am and goto work for 9 hrs,then come home to my flat at the end of a hard days work.then i can relax in my flat after being away from it all day and look forward to the weekend after a long hard week at work.id trade places with anyone that works.anything..little do they know some people how very hard it is to be sitting on your arse all day and night..

[MyNameIsTerry]

Too right mate!

You very quickly run out of things to do when you have too much time and too little money.

It's at least better in the nice weather though so we can get out.

Hopefully there are some nice rural areas or parks to go to. Take a book or do some drawing maybe?

[gregcool]

Yes better weather is hear and getting warmer.i will go out for even more walks along the canow and sit in the sun.i have a camping trip in august with some family members so that will be nice three days.thats about it all i have to look forward to.i see my daughter in three weeks and she will be staying over night.so cant wait for the time to pass..wish i had some cash tho,im on the bread line all the time really ,and when i get my money i often have a drink or two as you know just to break things up

[MyNameIsTerry]

I know people moan when they see people on benefits doing things like that, Greg, but as long as you can manage to get the essentials, we also need a bit of a release. Its the ones who don't intend to work that are the issue!

I'm really glad your daughter has decided to see you again. I remember that was a difficult issue for you. She must have enjoyed being with her dad as well with it being repeated or you may have found yourself in the same limbo as before when she wasn't contacting you back.

The thing about routines for me is that they can be both positive and negative (even destructive). When I have breakdowns, I try to re establish a routine and it helps to break the day up and drag me through it. Later on, it starts to become a ball & chain, less of a healthy behaviour but its tough to beat when you are not working as there is so much time on your own in your head.

Shall we look forward to some cakes then?

[SarahH]

Terry makes a lot of sense. Its very difficult Greg but you have to dig deep and find something to enjoy in life, everyday. That "rut" will drag you down.

Keep going :)

Sarah