In a relapse I can't find myself out of

[roxy90]

I've been feeling great, really positive for about a year now, I feel really proud of myself how far I've come.

I've relapsed a bit over the past week. I had some thigh pain that I thought could be a dvt. I rationalised things in my head and I was ok but the thigh pain is still here a week later. My knee and ankle are now hurting. Today the veins on my foot are popping out and the top of my foot is hurting.

My anxiety is through the roof. Worse than it has been in a long time. I am utterly completely convinced that i have a dvt, but I can't get a doctors appointment and don't live near a hospital/Ooh. I have been psychically sick, I am in floods and floods of tears, I can't breathe properly.

PleaseI just need some help to calm down. I need some help in getting back to where I was before. I can't go back there. I'm terrified, I'm terrified of going back to how I used to be and worst of all I'm terrified of being right and dying of a dvt.

I just don't know where to turn now, x

[cattia]

I'm sure you don't have a DVT. You probably just pulled a muscle. These relapses are tough to deal with, you feel like you're back to square one and it's impossible to get perspective. Just remember that your have felt like this before and been just as convinced that it was something awful but it wasn't. You won't feel like this forever, you will feel better again. You've recovered once and you will again. Hang in there!

[roxy90]

Thank you. I've definitely been here done this and have many t-shirts! Blood clots are just one of my 'things' that I used to hideously obsess over. I was in such a bad place I never want to go back. Most relapses are an hour or two and I snap out of it.

This time I just can't seem too. I've calmed down now. I have a dodgy knee so the knee pin doesn't bother me, the leg and ankle pain and the stick out veins do though. I feel my ankle is swollen but my boyfriend is insistent it's not.

The pain is on and off and not constant. I try to rationalise thing but I just can't. It's like my brain is taking a week off!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Roxy, read your thread on the successes board, let that Roxy tell you that you can do it.

It sounds like a big part of the worry is that you will go back to how how were but that's a Cognitive Distortion issue because there is no evidence of that so don't feed it to give it a chance to try and do that.

If something has created the environment for anxiety to rear it's head, see how you can work to resolve that to minimise the impact on you that is allowing this to come back.

Also remember how you were long ago. You a long way in recovery in quite a short time really! So, even if it did come back, you can escape it again. You can repeat what you did, tweak things if you hit a brick wall, etc.

Now you have a load more skills to fight it.

Don't think relapse, Roxy, think blip. Just a temporary challenge.

[roxy90]

It's just the fear that this for the first time is really happening to me. It's making me literally sick with worry I can't stop looking at the veins on my foot popping out. I'm in pain with my foot, I'm just so frightened. X

[swajj]

I remember turning up at my doctors with similar symptoms in my leg and I was absolutely sure it was a blood clot. He immediately discounted that and said if it was I would be in so much pain I would barely be ale to walk. The symptoms disappeared soon after. That's not to say your's aren't real but it doesn't sound like a blood clot. As for the relapse? Have you read Claire Weekes? She talks about setbacks and says that we should expect them. Sort of 2 steps forward 1 step back but you are making progress. And it sounds like you are making great progress so don't let a little setback get you down. :)

[roxy90]

Thanks everybody.

I feel much more composed today. Most of the pain is in my knee, this is fine as I know it's dodgy. Thigh pain comes and goes but my ankle feels better and my veins aren't popping out. :D

I'm still a bit on edge but I do feel better, and calmer.