Panicked about not panicking

[MidnightCalm]

I panic about not panicking and it's horrible because in those very few moments of calm I make myself feel like crap again. Take tonight for example; was woke up by partner and panicked and paced a lot and had a wine to calm (I know I have a drinking problem I'm working on it). But now that I've calmed down Im panicked about not panicking! "Why am I not panicking? Is my body giving up? Why is my heart beating slower than usual, is it going to stop? My body is failing, this isn't normal. My breathing is slower than usual, are my lungs failing? I could fall asleep easily right now but is that because I'm dying? What if all my body slows to a halt?"
I don't know if is because I've been very anxious and very drunk lately but right now I feel odd. Not even panicked but just weak and like my body is stopping. Gimme a break :( do I need to have a racing heart and sweats and breqthingn problems just to feel like myself now? If my anxiety went would I be lonely without it? :( x

[MyNameIsTerry]

This is something that I think happens when you become a long term sufferer. Your core beliefs change to be that of someone who expects to be anxious and no longer fights against that so much when it was all new.

I've spoken to people who have had better days and then questioned what they are, why do they not feel anxious, this is weird/alien, is this what normal feels like, etc and the result is just bringing the anxiety back. I've had it myself a lot and others on here mention it too.

I've found that its part of recovery and you have to learn to accept it and enjoy it otherwise you just make it another anxious day. For me I went from 24/7 non stop anxiety to these calmer days hence why I see it as part of recovery. For those who already have them and are not anxious constantly, it may mean something different.