Bonnibelle
29-04-15, 19:18
Hello
I used to be a regular on here, it's rare now I pop in but I wanted to update you all and thank you for the support you gave me during my difficult time.
I was a regular many years ago but in 2013 I had a terrible year after a family member was violent towards me, my husband and children. It lasted a year and in 2013 the anxiety hit me. I had intrusive thoughts that terrified me. I thought I was a terrible mother, a terrible person and I was struggling. I had panic attacks and I rarely went out because of it. 2013 was the year the agoraphobia hit and in 2014 the intrusives terrified me. The NHS weren't that great, Iw as given meds, told I just had high anxiety and to wait on an 18 month waiting list. I took matters into my own hands and I went private. I had CBT/ERP which helped me alot.
Today, well I now go out every day, I even socialise a little by myself. I met a friend at the park last week, I talk to mum friends outside school. I go shopping and I can now take my children out alone and to appointments. I even managed a huge concert with hubby a couple of months ago. Last year we went on a family holiday and I can't wait to go again this year. I can now be alone, don't depend on my husband, haven't in a year. My confidence is slowly growing and I no longer see myself as a bad mother for having had agoraphobia or for having had intrusive thoughts.
I give Claire Weekes and Paul Davids book alot of credit in recovery, they were the gems that got me to accept and move forward. I can't recommend them enough. Aswell as A Letter to Myself. I am a firm believer in acceptance. In my case it has worked far more than medication.
All that lingers now is a daily battle with my anxiety. I still have it every single day, every day I worry why my intrusive thoughts linger and I worry what they mean about me. Not to the point i am crying or petrified like I once was but the trying to work them out and sometimes if they spike I worry why I have them. I think it's now a habit. My brain thinks them out of habit and I worry and try to work it out, out of habit. If that makes sense. How can I go about breaking that habit? I have been taught to accept all thoughts as anxiety and carry on with my day through ERP, and I am but I think after 18 months of intrusives it's all one big habit now.
Other than that things are going really well. I am working towards appointments alone now. I did my eye test alone recently, I have taken my son to appointments alone too. I am gaining confidence after depending on my husband to accompany me the last couple of years due to a fear of panic attacks.
I don't know if any of you will remember me but I just wanted to pop in and say hello. I have had a tough time but now i am coming through it I honestly wouldn't change what i have been through. What happened was meant to happen as it led me to be the strong person I am today. I had to walk away from the family members that were causing me stress and anxiety, people around me for years warned me they were toxic but I couldn't see it. Now I can. The storm I went through changed me but it changed me for the better. I do feel stronger, and happier. I may have less people in my life now but I have quality over quantity. I have the best husband and children. Wonderful friends who stuck by me and my gran, aunties and dad backed me all the way. I am very lucky. Even though a part of my anxiety still plagues me daily, I am happier and enjoying life. If i can find a way to truly accept and break this last hurdle I will be laughing I am sure
Love and postivity to you all xxx
I used to be a regular on here, it's rare now I pop in but I wanted to update you all and thank you for the support you gave me during my difficult time.
I was a regular many years ago but in 2013 I had a terrible year after a family member was violent towards me, my husband and children. It lasted a year and in 2013 the anxiety hit me. I had intrusive thoughts that terrified me. I thought I was a terrible mother, a terrible person and I was struggling. I had panic attacks and I rarely went out because of it. 2013 was the year the agoraphobia hit and in 2014 the intrusives terrified me. The NHS weren't that great, Iw as given meds, told I just had high anxiety and to wait on an 18 month waiting list. I took matters into my own hands and I went private. I had CBT/ERP which helped me alot.
Today, well I now go out every day, I even socialise a little by myself. I met a friend at the park last week, I talk to mum friends outside school. I go shopping and I can now take my children out alone and to appointments. I even managed a huge concert with hubby a couple of months ago. Last year we went on a family holiday and I can't wait to go again this year. I can now be alone, don't depend on my husband, haven't in a year. My confidence is slowly growing and I no longer see myself as a bad mother for having had agoraphobia or for having had intrusive thoughts.
I give Claire Weekes and Paul Davids book alot of credit in recovery, they were the gems that got me to accept and move forward. I can't recommend them enough. Aswell as A Letter to Myself. I am a firm believer in acceptance. In my case it has worked far more than medication.
All that lingers now is a daily battle with my anxiety. I still have it every single day, every day I worry why my intrusive thoughts linger and I worry what they mean about me. Not to the point i am crying or petrified like I once was but the trying to work them out and sometimes if they spike I worry why I have them. I think it's now a habit. My brain thinks them out of habit and I worry and try to work it out, out of habit. If that makes sense. How can I go about breaking that habit? I have been taught to accept all thoughts as anxiety and carry on with my day through ERP, and I am but I think after 18 months of intrusives it's all one big habit now.
Other than that things are going really well. I am working towards appointments alone now. I did my eye test alone recently, I have taken my son to appointments alone too. I am gaining confidence after depending on my husband to accompany me the last couple of years due to a fear of panic attacks.
I don't know if any of you will remember me but I just wanted to pop in and say hello. I have had a tough time but now i am coming through it I honestly wouldn't change what i have been through. What happened was meant to happen as it led me to be the strong person I am today. I had to walk away from the family members that were causing me stress and anxiety, people around me for years warned me they were toxic but I couldn't see it. Now I can. The storm I went through changed me but it changed me for the better. I do feel stronger, and happier. I may have less people in my life now but I have quality over quantity. I have the best husband and children. Wonderful friends who stuck by me and my gran, aunties and dad backed me all the way. I am very lucky. Even though a part of my anxiety still plagues me daily, I am happier and enjoying life. If i can find a way to truly accept and break this last hurdle I will be laughing I am sure
Love and postivity to you all xxx