2 people in 6 months dying from sudden death that I know - I can't cope

[fedup36]

Firstly sorry if this triggers anyone but its something I am finding extremely difficult at the moment and setting off my health anxiety....

6 months ago I lost a close friend of mine due to sudden death, she was walking her dog and then just dropped dead and we still don't know why. She was only 42

I then found out yesterday that an old work colleague was found dead in his hotel yesterday morning.... He was only 36...

I have a fear of death and especially sudden death and just don't know how people cope with it? I just get these horrible thoughts that when people say "you never think it will happen to you" well it's happening to people close to me and I'm pretty sure they didn't think it would happen to them!!

It makes me angry, upset and confused.... Just the fact that they had no idea it was coming seriously freaks me out and it's making my anxiety so bad :(

If anyone had any settling advice it would be much appreciated

[Davit]

Why do you fear death, it isn't death you fear but being cheated of life. After death you won't even know you lived so it won't matter. Just live life and enjoy it. Believe me when you get old the grim reaper will be your friend. Enjoy life while you have it. Too soon it will be gone.

[Emilym80]

Hi Fedup,

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend and coworker.

I personally struggle a lot with this too; while I'm sure that's not much consolation for you, you're not alone. Last night I had a dream that I died in my sleep and it set off all the fears that I'd quelled once again.

I can offer you this- most people don't have sudden deaths. They will either be due to underlying, long-lasting conditions, accidents etc. By coincidence you've known it to happen to two people you knew closely within 6 months and this is probably making it seem like a common occurrence. But it really isn't, outside of the elderly.

I don't know your history but as you have HA it wouldn't be unrealistic to assume that you've had some tests done to rule out pathophysiological causes of your anxiety. Such tests will also detect that vast majority of conditions capable of causing sudden death in an otherwise healthy person.

Hopefully this gives you some relief. It's not possible to know 100% whether or not something like this will happen, but you'll have a better idea than most people who don't think about it at all. Try and make the most of every day and know that your anxiety is making this feel much more threatening than it probably is.

All the best :)

[Fishmanpa]

You could be in a traffic accident tomorrow or a plethora of unknown random circumstances that could end your life.

Will you chose to focus on the negative or the positive?

Positive thoughts

[Serenity1990]

When all four of my grandparents died at ripe old ages, all of them expressed they were ready or wanted to go beforehand. As odd as that might sound, it's a natural part of life that they had simply reached.

If it doesn't happen in old age I'd much rather it's sudden and that I don't know about it. That way there's nothing to fear.

[hanshan]

At 60, I notice that I am physically just not able to do things that I was able to do a decade or so. I am working and living in Japan, surrounded by an active but aging society - many old people with mobility problems. So living forever is not really such an attractive option.

As pointed out, sudden, unexpected death that doesn't come from an accident is very rare. I'm getting out of my knowledge area here, but my impression is that it is usually due to some cardiovascular incident - the best we can all do there is be active with a healthy lifestyle. Even so, things will happen, but to very, very few people.

And as people say, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so make the most of today.

[feelthelove]

Well I know this fear so well, my brother died suddenly in 1994 and it scared me for years , but my doctor said this happens to only 1 in every 10 million people . It still causes me anxiety now .

[fedup36]

Thanks for the support guys...

The problem is I have a massive fear of death which completely overwhelms me...
But I understand what you are all saying, you can never tell what will happen or when so I need to appreciate what happens around me and those around me.

I have had ecgs and MRIs so hoping that will help my head :)

I just need to think positvly and move onwards and upwards! Thanks

[Sam123]

I can relate to this completely.

This is the thing i have most trouble getting out of my thoughts, that i will die young. Or, that my partner or a family member will die suddenly. It's a horrible negative thought.
I'm lucky that my partner is such a positive person, and he talks a lot of sense when in the past I've been hung up on it.

Before my grandfather passed he said he was ready to go now, and so has my gran who is now 94. I don't understand it obviously as i am still very young and with death being a big fear could never imagine being ready to leave the world and everyone behind.

The thought that i will die suddenly with no warning has plagued my mind for so long, my first thought of it was probably around 8 years ago, i'm still here now and perfectly fine! I don't want to waste my life fearing something that will probably never happen and i have no control over anyway. I used to try and control it, don't go certain places and not do certain things in case i die. :doh:

[feelthelove]

Thanks for the support guys...

The problem is I have a massive fear of death which completely overwhelms me...
But I understand what you are all saying, you can never tell what will happen or when so I need to appreciate what happens around me and those around me.

I have had ecgs and MRIs so hoping that will help my head :)

I just need to think positvly and move onwards and upwards! Thanks

I dont' fear death its not knowing how i will die i don't want to suffer , but when i became a Christian (not preaching just my personal testimony) my fear of death went because as a Christian i now have the assurance of eternal with Jesus when i do eventually die and that is really comforting .

[Emilym80]

An ECG will rule out just about every cause of sudden death. The people who have these events are typically young athletes who never even thought about the possibility in the first place and had never had any testing done.

So that should definitely reassure you (I know it mightn't, I've had a few ECGs and it doesn't help me too much...)

All the best!

[fedup36]

Thanks guys... I need to practice what I preach!
A very good therapist taught me a fantastic phrase which was -

"Worrying will not prevent or solve the problem from happening"

So basically me worrying about dying suddenly isn't going to stop it happening is it!

It's hard to think like this, especially when it's on your doorstep but life has to go on :)

[Alice1]

It is absolutely impossible to die without a reason and although hard to define the biological definition of death is currently brain stem death and clinical the ceasing of heartbeat. Sudden death, often thought to be a result of a cardiac event, is therefore very very likely to be a result of an underlying heart condition and if you are really worrying yourself out of your mind ask your doctor for an ECG as this almost always guarantees that heart problems are ruled out.
Death is a complicated thing that no one really understands at present so don't be too down on yourself for being scared. Take some time to be patient with yourself and you will come to accept it more as you get older, as everyone does. Try searching on youtube for how to accept death and illness. Lots of good videos that might help.
Also understanding probability theory helps. Everyone's probability of sudden death is very very low, but equal. The fact that two people you know has died of it (allegedly, but as you said you don't know the cause of one doesn't mean the cause is sudden death in an otherwise healthy person) doesn't mean you or anyone else are any more likely to die from sudden death.
For example, there are plane crashes, but taking more planes does not make you any more likely to die in a plane crash. It resets each time. This is why gamblers loose lots of money haha, they think there's some sort of link between each, say roll of the die, but I'm actuality each event is independent.
I will confidently bet a million times you wont die in this way.
Take care.