Health anxiety, lump in throat terrified its cancer

[Nicole81]

Hi, this is my first post so I apologise if it's long.

I have suffered with anxiety on and off for over 10 years but the periods where I was 'well' in between episodes were long.

After I had my children (twins) almost 4 years ago I got PND and my anxiety really peaked to the point where I was put on a huge dose of antidepressants and sent to counselling for 18 months which really helped.

In true me fashion, after about 18 months of feeling well I took on too much, I was made redundant from my job and started a new one, started an on-line course and decided to renovate our house! I was fine (almost thriving) under the pressure and challenges but around Christmas time the stress turned from productive stress into not coping stress.

The health anxiety part - around Christmas I got the usual winter cold but was left with a cough that lasted about 8 weeks. I went to my GP and they said it was acid reflux and put me on omeprazole. They did nothing but the cough eventually went. About 4 weeks later I got another cough that again stuck around for a month.
The over Easter I came down again with a cold but went straight back into my chest and I ended up at the walk in clinic over the bank holiday and the doc there said it was bronchitis - I took a course of antibiotics but still coughing.
Eventually doctors sent me for an endoscopy but consultant first wanted to ultrasound my gall bladder which was fine.

Because the cough was still there after antibiotics I went back to GP but saw a different doctor who totally disagreed with acid reflux and sent me for a chest x Ray (not yet got results).

For about 2 months now I have had this awful sensation of something being stuck in my throat and a feeling like food is trapped in my upper chest which I told the doctor about. He had then referred my to the ENT dept for a probe putting up my nose and into my throat to look for obstructions and I also have to have a barium swallow.

Apart from the thought of all the gruesome tests I am utterly terrified that I have something awful but because the tests are being carried out by different depts and even diff hospitals they are not going to join the dots up and miss something awful.

I am freaking out that I have throat cancer and that the lump feeling is a tumor. Stupidly around the period where I was massively stressed I started smoking occasionally (used to smoke but gave up 9 years ago) and because of this feel I have brought it all on myself and have given myself cancer.

I am completely struck dumb with terror waiting for test results and waiting to have more tests done. Feel like my whole life is consumed by this lump feeling and can't stop focusing on it.

I just want to know whether this is part of anxiety that you can feel such real symptoms??

Sorry again for length/rambling but just needed to get it down. Anxiety is like a leaking pipe, every time I deal with one aspect (panic attacks/GAD) it morphs into a different form! I just want to live in the moment and enjoy life without this constant feeling of dread.

Any words of advice really appreciated x

[Gary A]

You may have developed nodules in your throat due to having coughs for such lengthy periods. It's also pretty common to develop a difficulty in swallowing when highly anxious. It may actually be that there's nothing there at all but you're noticing this feeling of something being there because you're focusing on your throat so much. If somebody is looking for the lump in throat feeling each time they swallow, they'll feel it. It's all a part of hyper awareness.

If you had throat cancer, you'd probably know by now, and would also have other symptoms like rapid weight loss and a really hoarse voice. Throat cancer doesn't give you a cough either.

It's difficult to say what it is, my advice is to try to relax as much as you can and await your results. I sympathise, it isn't easy to do, but I would be very surprised if you had undetected throat cancer after such extensive investigation.

[Nicole81]

Thanks for reply.

I'm pretty sure you are right, just wish I could stop obsessing about the feeling and thinking the worst! It's exhausting!

[Fishmanpa]

Being a survivor of H&N cancer, I understand the waiting part. In my case as well as many, many others I know who have had H&N cancer, there really weren't any particular symptoms. Myself and many had a hard, immovable swollen node that didn't respond to antibiotics and continued to grow. Some had a lesion in their mouths or tongue that didn't heal.

Of course I'm not a doctor but what you describe doesn't present as cancer. Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts. In the several months since the holidays, you'd be pretty ill by now or presenting very obvious symptoms. The mantra warriors use is "It's not cancer until they say it is". You're being looked after and tests will be done to determine what is causing your symptoms. I'm confident your tests will come out fine and they'll find a solution to help you.

Positive thoughts

[Nicole81]

Thank you for replying, I hope I didn't cause any offence by scrutinising my symptoms when you have survived the disease.
the logical side of my brain knows that I would know about if I had something like cancer but my stupid brain just seems to keep going back to the worst case scenario.