Nicole81
02-05-15, 20:56
Hi, this is my first post so I apologise if it's long.
I have suffered with anxiety on and off for over 10 years but the periods where I was 'well' in between episodes were long.
After I had my children (twins) almost 4 years ago I got PND and my anxiety really peaked to the point where I was put on a huge dose of antidepressants and sent to counselling for 18 months which really helped.
In true me fashion, after about 18 months of feeling well I took on too much, I was made redundant from my job and started a new one, started an on-line course and decided to renovate our house! I was fine (almost thriving) under the pressure and challenges but around Christmas time the stress turned from productive stress into not coping stress.
The health anxiety part - around Christmas I got the usual winter cold but was left with a cough that lasted about 8 weeks. I went to my GP and they said it was acid reflux and put me on omeprazole. They did nothing but the cough eventually went. About 4 weeks later I got another cough that again stuck around for a month.
The over Easter I came down again with a cold but went straight back into my chest and I ended up at the walk in clinic over the bank holiday and the doc there said it was bronchitis - I took a course of antibiotics but still coughing.
Eventually doctors sent me for an endoscopy but consultant first wanted to ultrasound my gall bladder which was fine.
Because the cough was still there after antibiotics I went back to GP but saw a different doctor who totally disagreed with acid reflux and sent me for a chest x Ray (not yet got results).
For about 2 months now I have had this awful sensation of something being stuck in my throat and a feeling like food is trapped in my upper chest which I told the doctor about. He had then referred my to the ENT dept for a probe putting up my nose and into my throat to look for obstructions and I also have to have a barium swallow.
Apart from the thought of all the gruesome tests I am utterly terrified that I have something awful but because the tests are being carried out by different depts and even diff hospitals they are not going to join the dots up and miss something awful.
I am freaking out that I have throat cancer and that the lump feeling is a tumor. Stupidly around the period where I was massively stressed I started smoking occasionally (used to smoke but gave up 9 years ago) and because of this feel I have brought it all on myself and have given myself cancer.
I am completely struck dumb with terror waiting for test results and waiting to have more tests done. Feel like my whole life is consumed by this lump feeling and can't stop focusing on it.
I just want to know whether this is part of anxiety that you can feel such real symptoms??
Sorry again for length/rambling but just needed to get it down. Anxiety is like a leaking pipe, every time I deal with one aspect (panic attacks/GAD) it morphs into a different form! I just want to live in the moment and enjoy life without this constant feeling of dread.
Any words of advice really appreciated x
I have suffered with anxiety on and off for over 10 years but the periods where I was 'well' in between episodes were long.
After I had my children (twins) almost 4 years ago I got PND and my anxiety really peaked to the point where I was put on a huge dose of antidepressants and sent to counselling for 18 months which really helped.
In true me fashion, after about 18 months of feeling well I took on too much, I was made redundant from my job and started a new one, started an on-line course and decided to renovate our house! I was fine (almost thriving) under the pressure and challenges but around Christmas time the stress turned from productive stress into not coping stress.
The health anxiety part - around Christmas I got the usual winter cold but was left with a cough that lasted about 8 weeks. I went to my GP and they said it was acid reflux and put me on omeprazole. They did nothing but the cough eventually went. About 4 weeks later I got another cough that again stuck around for a month.
The over Easter I came down again with a cold but went straight back into my chest and I ended up at the walk in clinic over the bank holiday and the doc there said it was bronchitis - I took a course of antibiotics but still coughing.
Eventually doctors sent me for an endoscopy but consultant first wanted to ultrasound my gall bladder which was fine.
Because the cough was still there after antibiotics I went back to GP but saw a different doctor who totally disagreed with acid reflux and sent me for a chest x Ray (not yet got results).
For about 2 months now I have had this awful sensation of something being stuck in my throat and a feeling like food is trapped in my upper chest which I told the doctor about. He had then referred my to the ENT dept for a probe putting up my nose and into my throat to look for obstructions and I also have to have a barium swallow.
Apart from the thought of all the gruesome tests I am utterly terrified that I have something awful but because the tests are being carried out by different depts and even diff hospitals they are not going to join the dots up and miss something awful.
I am freaking out that I have throat cancer and that the lump feeling is a tumor. Stupidly around the period where I was massively stressed I started smoking occasionally (used to smoke but gave up 9 years ago) and because of this feel I have brought it all on myself and have given myself cancer.
I am completely struck dumb with terror waiting for test results and waiting to have more tests done. Feel like my whole life is consumed by this lump feeling and can't stop focusing on it.
I just want to know whether this is part of anxiety that you can feel such real symptoms??
Sorry again for length/rambling but just needed to get it down. Anxiety is like a leaking pipe, every time I deal with one aspect (panic attacks/GAD) it morphs into a different form! I just want to live in the moment and enjoy life without this constant feeling of dread.
Any words of advice really appreciated x