Fragaria
05-05-15, 10:47
Hi everyone!
This is my first post here, so please move my thread if it's posted in the wrong place.
I've been struggling with GAD, panic attacks and phobias (blood, claustrophobia) for as long as I can remember. My childhood was not the best, growing up with a borderline/narcissist mother and a weak father figure unable to stand up to my mother. This lead to everyone walking on eggshells around her, never knowing when the next rage would appear. Through years of therapy have I got to the conclusion that I've never felt entirely safe, anywhere. My body and mind is always alert and I crave safety, whether it is to always have my phone with me, to never be too far away from my husband or being too far away from my home - and this is where my current problem arises.
I've never fully enjoyed travelling. Despite my claustrophobia, do I tolerate flying, and I'm not especially afraid of being in foreing countries and new experiences. My problem is that I never feel safe and relaxed when I'm staying somewhere far away from my home. My comfort zone extends to being so close to my home that I any time can drive home. When I get to a vacation, I constantly have this dreading, scared feeling in my chest trying to break free. Everything seems like a threat, especially the anxiety itself. When the anxiety arises, I can't eat, can't sleep and can't enjoy anything. These things in itself increases the anxiety. I can get some relief by talking or crying to my husband or do something i really enjoy, such as visiting a zoo or spa treatments ect. Last year did I have a horrible weekend on holiday with a SSRI-induced panic attack lasting the whole trip scaring the living hell out of me. This experience does not help.
This summer, am I travelling to USA with my in-laws for two weeks. The trip is paid by them, and luxury all the way + one week at a cruise. I'm so extremely nervous and can't possibly imagine how I'm gonna handle this trip. I experience my anxiety like I never calm down and feel safe in new places, and just hold out my suffering till I'm finally in my safe place at home. Because of the lack of eating and sleeping, this really devastates my body and mind, and I feel that two weeks will ruin my latest period of working with my mental health. I can't see myself surviving "holding out" for two whole weeks. Not at least, are my in-laws conservative and thinks mental illness is nothing to speak about. They've earlier judged me pretty hard because of my problems, and I feel I can't show weakness with them.
How can I survive this? Any advice? :hugs:
This is my first post here, so please move my thread if it's posted in the wrong place.
I've been struggling with GAD, panic attacks and phobias (blood, claustrophobia) for as long as I can remember. My childhood was not the best, growing up with a borderline/narcissist mother and a weak father figure unable to stand up to my mother. This lead to everyone walking on eggshells around her, never knowing when the next rage would appear. Through years of therapy have I got to the conclusion that I've never felt entirely safe, anywhere. My body and mind is always alert and I crave safety, whether it is to always have my phone with me, to never be too far away from my husband or being too far away from my home - and this is where my current problem arises.
I've never fully enjoyed travelling. Despite my claustrophobia, do I tolerate flying, and I'm not especially afraid of being in foreing countries and new experiences. My problem is that I never feel safe and relaxed when I'm staying somewhere far away from my home. My comfort zone extends to being so close to my home that I any time can drive home. When I get to a vacation, I constantly have this dreading, scared feeling in my chest trying to break free. Everything seems like a threat, especially the anxiety itself. When the anxiety arises, I can't eat, can't sleep and can't enjoy anything. These things in itself increases the anxiety. I can get some relief by talking or crying to my husband or do something i really enjoy, such as visiting a zoo or spa treatments ect. Last year did I have a horrible weekend on holiday with a SSRI-induced panic attack lasting the whole trip scaring the living hell out of me. This experience does not help.
This summer, am I travelling to USA with my in-laws for two weeks. The trip is paid by them, and luxury all the way + one week at a cruise. I'm so extremely nervous and can't possibly imagine how I'm gonna handle this trip. I experience my anxiety like I never calm down and feel safe in new places, and just hold out my suffering till I'm finally in my safe place at home. Because of the lack of eating and sleeping, this really devastates my body and mind, and I feel that two weeks will ruin my latest period of working with my mental health. I can't see myself surviving "holding out" for two whole weeks. Not at least, are my in-laws conservative and thinks mental illness is nothing to speak about. They've earlier judged me pretty hard because of my problems, and I feel I can't show weakness with them.
How can I survive this? Any advice? :hugs: