GAD and work's reaction

[MoonlightFire]

Hi everyone

I have a history of anx and depression but It's been manageable for the last few years. However, this year I have had more problems with depression and the anxiety has now returned. It's made work extremely difficult as my concentration, confidence, memory, and mood are so affected as well as my sleep. I'm also struggling with obsessive thoughts too. My bosses are aware but I've had really mixed reactions and some really unhelpful comments.

As if it wasn't enough to feel like this, I have to listen to people tell me "for goodness sake, stop self harming", "take control of yourself" and "you need to commit to therapy and work hard at it", "we can't have someone falling apart". It's so infuriating. On one hand they are understanding in that they have let me have a few days off sick (although no stepped re-introduction to work or a gentle first day back - I was straight back in at the deep end) and are always there if I need to talk. My boss always makes time for me if I'm distressed and calms me down when I burst into tears (this has been pretty frequent recently as work triggers off a lot of negative thoughts and anxiety), they let me take breaks to walk about and get some air if I need it etc. But on the other hand I'm asked invasive questions about my family, my life, my relationships and asked, with puzzled eyes, "what is it that's upsetting you?" even though I have told them twice now that I have General Anxiety Disorder which has been diagnosed by my doctor and that I am taking medication for and am waiting for therapy through the NHS. I've made it clear that I have a medical condition, am seeking help, and that I will accept that help. What more do they want? When I told them I was taking medication I got a puzzled, disapproving look. I can't believe it is 2015 and people with mental health conditions are still having to struggle with this. I am ill - accept it - PLEASE...I feel like shouting that from the rooftops! - I am ill right now but I know how to get better and I know I will get better, all I need is some acceptance and some patience and not to be interrogated or judged. For goodness sake!

I just needed to get that all out of me! Does anyone have similar experiences? At the moment I don't have the energy to keep explaining anxiety to people in my life and educate those that don't understand. When my meds have kicked in and I'm feeling better I may start trying to change people's perceptions but right now I don't have it in me to fight that battle as well as battling with depression and anxiety.

How does everyone else cope with stigma and the general lack of understanding?

Moonie xx

[NoPoet]

I really want to reply to this, but am too tired to offer anything useful now. I'll give you a proper reply tomorrow. For now, know that I and many people here share your pain, but also remember that for many of us, probably you too, the depression is strongly linked to anxiety. It comes about because of sustained anxiety and the frustrations and difficulties this causes. So the genuinely good news is, treating the anxiety will almost certainly strike a blow against the depression.

[AthenaFaeyrn]

You are like a heroine to me. Honestly, the narrow-minded fools at your work might not see it, but to us lot here who know what you are going through... my god, the strength, courage, stamina, and incredible will-power and patience you have not only to go to work but to endure those things is deeply inspiring. I don't work at all right now (and haven't done for the past year; I don't even have the health to sign on right now it's become so bad but I am seeking treatment and have been put on meds). How do I cope with it? I hide! I have been living a very hermit-like life since I had to quit my job due to my anxiety and depression; - I am so terrified of people like those you encounter, and I have encountered them even from a place like MIND! The ignorance of too many people can be outrageous, even those who are apparently qualified to help mentally ill folks, it's horrible. I applaud your strength, even though I know it is so hard, the fact that you are continuing to work and get through it is incredibly inspiring.

[.Poppy.]

It's sad, but mental health issues usually aren't respected - especially not anxiety. Depression tends to get more respect because it is looked at as more serious.

To most people, anxiety is that feeling you get right before a big test - general nervousness. They don't understand the constant weight and bombardment of these feelings. They don't understand that sometimes it's impossible to find a clear cause, yet the feelings are there. They think that you should just take a walk or be happy and just power through it.

Been there. Done that.

I also get migraines, and have for 12 years. I'm at the point now where most of the time I can power through them. On the times that I can't, I've found it's very hard to relay to people (bosses/supervisors or even friends) why I can't do whatever because to them a migraine is just a headache and I should be able to just work through it. Again, it's one of those things where many people claim a headache is a migraine and it loses its power.

So - just do your best to ignore them. You know your struggle, and you'll somehow be a better person for it (at least that's what I tell myself :)). As long as their concerns don't bear any real weight, don't give them any power. Or do your best not to. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

It sounds partly like they don't know how to handle the situation and at times they go beyond the limits of how an employer should act. They swing from one end to other.

In terms of invasive questions, you are under no obligation to answer things like that and beyond a brief understanding of what is causing your distress at work, they don't need to know. The same goes for occupational health teams really unless you are being assessed by a company GP but these teams have separate confidentiality processes to keep things discussed within their depts.

Your employee should used phase returns if they would be helpful to you. They should assess your work to determine whether something could be done to help you. They seem to do a little bit of this by talking to you and letting you have a quick break but if anxiety is also caused by elements of anything at work, they need to look at that too.

In terms of their negative view on medication, they shouldn't be expressing anything, they are not doctors so their views are personal opinion and irrelevent to the process of handling your health at work.

If this is a large company, they should have been trained to deal with health issues at work and will have support from HR. They won't have a clue about mental health and in my experience that will include the occupational health people (mine was a nurse and he said he had one day of training on mental health).

I had issues with my employer but many of them were not related to mental health, it was about the workplace itself and how I was being buried alive under work. They didn't help though, at one point they were contacting me daily about some things and I needed a break from hassle at that place so didn't want anymore whilst trying to find some calm. The constant contact and paperwork going back and forth prolonged my anxiety.

Personally, I don't think we will ever be able to say that mental health is adequately addressed in the workplace. Thats not because of procedure & education, its because of people. Managers are not selected on their empathy & compassion so they are unlikely to be able to find that in these situations because they aren't people that are like that in life anyway. Having said that, many are also very good and would handle it differently.

Can we expect them to be when we still have NHS staff who handle mental health patients badly? Again, thats all about the people involved as they have had the education.

[Emilym80]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you've had these experiences. I'm sure they mean well and think they're being helpful, for what it's worth, but I know that doesn't make it easier or ok.

I've not told my colleagues about my anxiety issues but have had to tell teachers and, very recently, uni tutors. One of my tutors (the youngest one by far, funnily enough) said I was "only holding [myself] back" by getting an extension because I couldn't cope wort the workload and that I had to "get organised and pull it together" and that I was basically being lazy and disorganised and too sensitive to stress. This isn't quite as blatantly ignorant or offensive as what your coworkers said, but I guess it shows that there's ignorance everywhere, unfortunately. It's surprising, honestly, at this stage, especially as one of the major charities for mental illness is currently doing an anxiety awareness campaign- there's billboards about anxiety everywhere!

Again, I'm sorry that your coworkers said these things to you and hopefully they're able to be more supportive in the future.

All the best :)

[MoonlightFire]

Thanks so much for your replies everyone :) :hugs: Your words helped me through the two days I was at work last week. It's a huge relief and aid to me to be around supportive people who know how I'm feeling and don't judge :)

I'm trying to get past some of the things that were said at work and just get on the best I can (although that is almost impossible at times). My bosses do seem to be making a lot of effort to understand and to offer help. Unfortunately the understanding just isn't there on a daily basis. I came back from leave last week and was loaded with more work. Not only that, yesterday I was summoned into our director's office and interrogated about something I'm working on in front of another member of staff. I felt humiliated and of course started blaming myself for the faults of the project even though there were several people working on it with me. I felt like I'd failed again and that I'd been an idiot yet again. I talked myself out of it enough to get on with what I was doing but I'm not sure how I can recover in that environment. It's going to be very difficult.

I continue to struggle to concentrate in my busy office. Does anyone else have concentration problems? I tend to write and re-write things over again and I'm never satisfied with what I've written....then I worry...then the worry turns into anxiety and I feel on edge and guilty. It's so frustrating.

I also feel very nervous speaking in front of other people - even my colleagues in a meeting. I get nervous and my mind taunts me with 'you sound like an idiot', 'this isn't good enough', 'you're not as intelligent as everyone else here', 'you never have any ideas', 'you never finish anything', 'you're a disorganised mess'...etc etc. This is a big problem because I'm a manager and am expected to be full of ideas and be very vocal in meetings. I'm meant to be a leader but I often feel I stick out like a sore thumb as all I do is follow.

I have a full week at work next week but posting in here is really helping me so I'm going to keep going and try and keep my mental strength up. Also, I started meds 2 weeks ago and the depression is finally starting to shift which is a big improvement. My sleep is also slowly improving.

Sorry for such a long post!

M x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, concentration has been an issue for me throughout. I often feel I can't commit to things either.

The issue of re-writing and still not liking what you have produced is part of the perfectionism issue that is seen in OCD. Do you have that? You don't have too to suffer with perfectionism issues but if you do it might explain why that is happening. You have to learn to trust yourself here. Due to the reduced cognition that anxiety can cause, it is prudent to check things that are important but not everything and all the time or that cna then become a problem and it affects things like your Core Beliefs.

[MoonlightFire]

Thank you for your advice Terry :)

I have been diagnosed with OCD in the past which was a major component of my health anxiety. I have a few things going on - general anxiety, elements of post traumatic stress, depression and lots of perfectionism :/

M x