MikeSig
24-01-07, 15:57
Hi, everyone. I've been a reader here for the past three months, and decided to finally post, as my anxiety has hit a new high-point (the worst symptom right now is brain-fog - does anyone else get what I describe below?). Here's my story:
I am 24 years old (seems like a lot of people get hit with anxiety/depression/etc. in their 20s), and about three months ago, I was sitting at my desk at work and suddenly I got dizzy and had the oddest sensation of deja vu. Ever since then, my mind seems to be stuck on overanalysis mode. I either consciously or unconsciously monitor every thought/action I have/do. Over the past three months, my symptoms have been transcient - for a few weeks the depersonalization/derealization will be bad, then it'll be primarily physical symptoms, etc.
Right now it's the cognitive impairment that frightens me. I can't concentrate on anything, and even have some difficulty retaining things when I am reading (like I won't exactly pick up the complete gist of a paragraph on my first read-through, but I think that's because my brain is so distracted by the anxiety/depression/whatever). My short-term memory is also pretty funky and unreliable, which I think has turned into an obsessive/compulsive thing for me. I fear that I am losing my memory, so I constantly self-test myself on what I did over the past five minutes, or the particular details of a movie/show I saw a few days ago (for example, if I'm reading a newspaper, I try to remember every single blurb I read and in the correct order, or I try to remember what happened scene by scene in a movie I saw last week). I know it's completely irrational, as no one remembers everything about everything, but for some reason I just can't stop self-testing. I actually also think that my perceived memory loss may be due to some depersonalization or anhedonia - it's like I can't associate feelings with events, which makes it seem like memories are foreign to me. Sometimes, I think I have lost it altogether, but I realize that if I was truly crazy I wouldn't be worried about being crazy.
It's just so hard to believe that all this could be caused by anxiety/depression, but I guess that's just a testament to the power of the human mind. What's most frustrating for all of us, I think, is that we know our problems are caused by our own minds, yet it feels like we are powerless to stop them. I do have hope that we will all recover, and that all we need is time and strength.
I am 24 years old (seems like a lot of people get hit with anxiety/depression/etc. in their 20s), and about three months ago, I was sitting at my desk at work and suddenly I got dizzy and had the oddest sensation of deja vu. Ever since then, my mind seems to be stuck on overanalysis mode. I either consciously or unconsciously monitor every thought/action I have/do. Over the past three months, my symptoms have been transcient - for a few weeks the depersonalization/derealization will be bad, then it'll be primarily physical symptoms, etc.
Right now it's the cognitive impairment that frightens me. I can't concentrate on anything, and even have some difficulty retaining things when I am reading (like I won't exactly pick up the complete gist of a paragraph on my first read-through, but I think that's because my brain is so distracted by the anxiety/depression/whatever). My short-term memory is also pretty funky and unreliable, which I think has turned into an obsessive/compulsive thing for me. I fear that I am losing my memory, so I constantly self-test myself on what I did over the past five minutes, or the particular details of a movie/show I saw a few days ago (for example, if I'm reading a newspaper, I try to remember every single blurb I read and in the correct order, or I try to remember what happened scene by scene in a movie I saw last week). I know it's completely irrational, as no one remembers everything about everything, but for some reason I just can't stop self-testing. I actually also think that my perceived memory loss may be due to some depersonalization or anhedonia - it's like I can't associate feelings with events, which makes it seem like memories are foreign to me. Sometimes, I think I have lost it altogether, but I realize that if I was truly crazy I wouldn't be worried about being crazy.
It's just so hard to believe that all this could be caused by anxiety/depression, but I guess that's just a testament to the power of the human mind. What's most frustrating for all of us, I think, is that we know our problems are caused by our own minds, yet it feels like we are powerless to stop them. I do have hope that we will all recover, and that all we need is time and strength.