Worrying about how I'm going to handle this week

[MoonlightFire]

I'm starting to panic about tomorrow. I've got a full week of work ahead of me and it scares me. My work environment is full of triggers. I never know what to expect - will I be hauled up to the director's office again or will it be a calm day? Will I break down in tears once, twice, three times? Will I be able to cope with the people around me, the noise, the distractions, the agitation I feel, my negative thoughts, my feeling of total and utter inadequacy and depression? Will I be able to concentrate long enough to get some work done? Will I stay calm or panic and feel so inwardly angry that I want to scream. With my self esteem the way that it is at the moment, any little knock or disturbance can send me off balance.

I just had to get all that out. It's helping to write this stuff down instead of keeping it constantly locked up inside. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself apart from press on and wait for the meds to have more of an effect (been on sertraline for 2 weeks now).

M x

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think just getting stuck into the work when you get there helps to get you to become calmer in a new environment but make sure you get the breaks you are due and spend that time trying to get any thoughts out of your head.

If you have a load of things to do, get them out of your head to and list them.

Be reasonable about what you can achieve and don't put pressure on yourself.

[MoonlightFire]

Thank you Terry. That's great advice. I have good news - the sertraline I started taking about 3 weeks ago is now starting to work! It's knocked the stuffing out of the depression and has reduced the anxiety enough for me to sleep almost all the way through the night!!! It's absolutely amazing! I'm coping with work pretty well this week and I'm finally able to think straight and feel more positive! I haven't even cried for 5 days! I'm taking your advice on the breaks - I've been taking my full hour lunch break outside the office instead of 20 mins in our tiny, stuffy kitchen. I've also been making detailed lists everyday so I can keep on top of work load. My concentration is still a little fragile but I think it's strengthening day by day. I'm an incredibly relieved Moonlight! x

---------- Post added at 14:59 ---------- Previous post was at 14:55 ----------

The thing that has stayed with me and is bothering me is the stigma I've faced this time round. It makes me so incandescently angry that mental health is not taken more seriously and the stigma almost won this time :(