AthenaFaeyrn
12-05-15, 15:57
All of the "we're going to find you and get you!" posters and news stories about benefit frauds terrify me.
I feel like "what if I am a fake? what if I am a fake and I just don't know it??? Is my depression and anxiety really so bad?? what if it's subconscious and deep down, I actually DON'T have anxiety and depression AT ALL and I'm just a deeply work shy and lazy person who is looking for excuses????"
Does anyone else feel this way? I hate it so much. My Dr gave me a sick note thing for 12 weeks off work, meds, referral for therapy, but I HATE THE WHOLE BENEFITS PROCESS. It's like just pure terror the whole way through and I can't bring myself to do it even if it means getting me out of poverty.
Away from this fear, my depression is actually so bad that I cannot look after myself at all. I have been mostly bed-ridden for over a year. I sleep in blood-stained bedsheets because I can't even bring myself to wash my laundry in the tiny sink I have because I've been too poor to afford a washing machine for over 2 years so everything has to be washed by hand. Depression and anxiety affects every. single. aspect of my life. I hate hate hate the benefits process and how I am treated like a fine mentally able person who is able to call up no problem, leave the house no problem, speak to people no problem.. I'm wearing blood stained jeans for gods sake. I STINK. I am disgusting. My breath could probably make someone faint. I can't leave the house unless I'm wearing my hoodie, my coat, and I have my hood up so I can be seen as little as possible and it's BOILING hot outside. I get out of breath and feel like I'm going to pass out if I walk too far because I barely even get out of bed and my body isn't used to moving. I can't do anything. If my boyfriend didn't cook for me, I would probably starve to death. Sometimes I try to do something useful like wash a couple of dishes, and I have to STOP halfway in because I feel like I'm going to black out or my legs give way.
How these benefits and government people think I can do everything they are asking of me to claim these things is BEYOND ME. I hate, hate, HATE them.
I feel like "what if I am a fake? what if I am a fake and I just don't know it??? Is my depression and anxiety really so bad?? what if it's subconscious and deep down, I actually DON'T have anxiety and depression AT ALL and I'm just a deeply work shy and lazy person who is looking for excuses????"
Does anyone else feel this way? I hate it so much. My Dr gave me a sick note thing for 12 weeks off work, meds, referral for therapy, but I HATE THE WHOLE BENEFITS PROCESS. It's like just pure terror the whole way through and I can't bring myself to do it even if it means getting me out of poverty.
Away from this fear, my depression is actually so bad that I cannot look after myself at all. I have been mostly bed-ridden for over a year. I sleep in blood-stained bedsheets because I can't even bring myself to wash my laundry in the tiny sink I have because I've been too poor to afford a washing machine for over 2 years so everything has to be washed by hand. Depression and anxiety affects every. single. aspect of my life. I hate hate hate the benefits process and how I am treated like a fine mentally able person who is able to call up no problem, leave the house no problem, speak to people no problem.. I'm wearing blood stained jeans for gods sake. I STINK. I am disgusting. My breath could probably make someone faint. I can't leave the house unless I'm wearing my hoodie, my coat, and I have my hood up so I can be seen as little as possible and it's BOILING hot outside. I get out of breath and feel like I'm going to pass out if I walk too far because I barely even get out of bed and my body isn't used to moving. I can't do anything. If my boyfriend didn't cook for me, I would probably starve to death. Sometimes I try to do something useful like wash a couple of dishes, and I have to STOP halfway in because I feel like I'm going to black out or my legs give way.
How these benefits and government people think I can do everything they are asking of me to claim these things is BEYOND ME. I hate, hate, HATE them.