Sara27 update

[Sam123]

I've received a message after emailing Sara several times to check she was ok, sadly she's not and she's in hospital after an altercation with that person through the night :angry:

The police are involved and Sara's family are with her that's all i know. Lets all wish her a speedy recovery.


She did a brave thing that many people struggle to do, i know i did & We'll all be here for support and advice as soon as she's better :flowers:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Let's hope she is out soon and hopefully she can now get much more support now that her family have become involved.

It's horrible that anyone should have to go through that but on top of her already difficult anxiety stage its going to be quite a shock and I hope she can process it fairly quickly without it adding to her anxiety levels to make them more severe in the longer term.

Hopefully it will be a custodial sentence for him.

[Sam123]

I know Terry i'm sad she's had to go through this but I am pleased she now has her family for support. I told her we are here for advice and support when she is ready.

[fallingstar]

Oh wow that is awful. I just left a reply on the other thread (missed the update link), mentioning to make sure she was SAFE and to get out because once someone hits you, they usually do it again or worse..... Then I saw this news. :mad::ohmy:

It's comforting knowing that her family is there with her and she's in a safe environment. Knowing that there are people in the world who will verbally and physically abuse people makes me sick. I've seen one person go through this with an ex and it's a horrible situation. I'm not sure what the sentences are over in the UK for this kind of crime (I'm in the US) but hopefully he is punished by the law - and put into counseling after as well. I agree with Terry, where I hope she's able to process it quickly and not have it on top of her current anxiety. Being without this guy now, I hope that her anxiety lessens as a result. No one should have to go through that. Best wishes.

[Davit]

I too am here for support. Little in life makes me angry but abuse does.

[Sara27]

thanks sam i'm allowed home now I have a fractured cheekbone and I do have a broken rib :-( they said that will take 3-6 weeks to heal n theyve give me strong painkillers to take, it hurts to move or cough im just going to rest for a few days

[Sam123]

You just rest, it will take a while to process what has happened. I know, i had it daily and was left with a backlog. I'm happy your brother is staying with you, if you need to chat even if it's just to say how you're feeling or get something off your chest, i'm her to listen and help.

:hugs:

[Sara27]

The swelling is going down but it really hurts to smile and painkillers aren't helping with my rib

[Sam123]

What tablets have you got Sara? When is your appointment with the maxillofacial surgeon

[Sara27]

Codeine im taking and its on Monday they want to see how its getting on but said it might need operating on

[Sam123]

Well what ever needs to be done you make it better for you and ease the pain.

:flowers:

[Sara27]

i didnt think anything could get any worse i didnt think i could feel any lower i woke up today bleeding and stomach cramps so my brother took me hospital and they said ive had a miscarriage :'-( this isn't fair n i cant believe its happening to me i'm so angry

---------- Post added at 19:10 ---------- Previous post was at 19:09 ----------

ive never felt this way before

[23tana]

Oh Sara what can I say? You've certainly had a lot thrown at you. Try to rest. I'll be thinking of you :hugs:

[Sam123]

Sara, i don't know what to say. You know i can't say.. 'I can't imagine what you're going through' because i can, and that's why i have nothing to say to make you feel any better right now :weep:

It's a horrible thing that's happened to you and nobody should be put through this, surround yourself with your family and allow yourself time to grieve, don't put any pressure on yourself. I'm here if you want to talk :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Sara. I didn't know you were pregnant on top of all this.

Please make sure you update the police about this situation when you are ready or ask your family to do it so they understand the true cost involved.

Hang in there :hugs:

[Davit]

This is so sad. Very little in life makes me angry but this does.

[Sara27]

i didn't know i was terry, if i did i could have tried covering my stomach instead of my head :-( i know i should feel sad but i'm just so angry

---------- Post added at 08:10 ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 ----------

I've told the police i didnt know if it would matter to the case but it does

[Sam123]

Sara you know i went through the same thing, and i spent a very long time feeling so much anger towards 'It' and just being angry at the world. It's not fair, and it shouldn't have happened. I then spent a lot of time having to be in control of everything, i still do now to an extent.
I feel it's because i had no control over what happened to me and i was trying to take that back, i spent much time being someone who i didn't want to be and i couldn't let go of the anger.

I'm not going to say that it goes, because again i feel so much anger right now. But time does ease the pain and heartache, you had no control over what happened to you and you couldn't have done anything differently because what happened, happened. We cannot go back in time, we can only choose how to react and how to move forward.

I feel real sadness for you knowing how you feel, with such a traumatic event and a loss like this there really is no words that can help the damage, but we can comfort.
For me it was so hard to accept that there's nothing i can do now, i can't go back in time and no matter what i said or did i couldn't change what happened, i couldn't delete it from my memory.

Don't hold anything in, i did this and what it created was unbearable, let your emotions be what they are and let them run their course. Surround yourself with the people who love you and look after yourself. I wish that i would have been open, but instead i kept it all inside not wanting to share what had happened and trying to carry on 'as normal'.

I'm thinking of you all the time, if you want to send me a message, anytime about anything at all i will be here to listen :emot-pray:

[MyNameIsTerry]

That must have come as quite a shock then, Sara.

You mustn't blame yourself in this, even if you had covered that area it doesn't mean it would stop someone stronger who was determined to do what they wanted to do.

Sam knows what she is talking about. I think if you hold things in, you risk reinforcing issues that could underpin an anxiety disorder e.g. self confidence, self worth, self esteem, etc (the self confidence it likely to be rocked regardless from an assault).

The police will be interested because the CPS will use it in court. If he knew about the baby then they would really use it against him, with you not knowing it won;t likely be the same but if you put that in front of a jury with it being a serious offence its bound to add to it for them.

[Sara27]

thankyou so much sam i really appreciate everything i feel so low right now i cant imagine how you coped being a lot further along than me, now im stressing about my brother because he left over an hour ago and hasn't been back he promised he wouldnt do anything but i dont believe him, hes a bit of a nutter and i thought he was handling it all a bit too well cause he usually blows up over the littlest thing, i dont need this right now though :-(

i dont blame myself but i keep thinking why didnt i see it coming but like you said sam its happened n now i have to concentrate on getting better right now it seems impossible

[Davit]

I agree with Sam totally, get better in body and then let her help you get better in mind. She is doing very well and you would not know what she has been though.
It isn't impossible, it just seems that way now. It will get better. Feel angry, we all do, how could we not. I'm going to leave this to Sam, you don't need men right now even ones that would never hurt you.

[Sara27]

it does feel impossible n i dont know how she done it i've had it once not every single day, i dont want to go through all this n wish someone could do it for me :-( they told me he is looking at 5 years in prison he's still lying saying i attacked him and he lost control

[Davit]

Five years is not enough. But it might be, he will not be safe there, I hope he is cared shitless every day.

[Sam123]

Sara you won't be going through it alone you will have your family to lean on for support and you will be helped through the process :hugs:

He never got life in prison because the charge of child destruction was dropped. You have to 'prove' their was intent to kill the child, not harm the child or the mother. So basically it's almost impossible to convict, he was charged with GBH Section 18 and got 6 years.

Forget what he has said, don't give him a second thought he's already stole so much from you, don't allow him to control your thoughts you deserve better.
How is your face feeling? Is your brother home?
Him reacting like this won't be helping you but i understand it must be extremely hard for him to keep it together, just let him know that it's the last thing you need and you want him around for support.

:hugs:

[Sara27]

thats horrible how can you prove that? It still really hurts got my appointment tomorrow I think theyre going to want to operate on it and he's just walked through the door this second thank god

[PanicAttackGurl]

:hugs: I'm so sorry Sara, my heart goes out to you with love and prayers.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Five years is not enough. But it might be, he will not be safe there, I hope he is cared shitless every day.

Thats how it is in the UK, lack of prison space and lack of consistency between judges can mean some rather low sentences overhere. Plus we have "Tony's law" to thank for them serving usually half and spending the rest on licence...many of whom will be offending during that time!

[Sara27]

I had my appointment and theyre happy with position of my cheekbone so dont need surgery, cant blow my nose for atleast 10 days n just got to be careful they said swelling should ease in 2-3 weeks

[23tana]

That's some good news. Good luck not sneezing!

[Sara27]

I thought that ill just have to pinch the end of it to stop it I suppose :-/

[Sam123]

That's great Sara :) Hope you're resting well