intrusive thoughts/GAD/ new fsther

[Jono_Aussie]

hey guys,

im new to the forum, ive suffered GAD for many years now, and occasional obsessive thought.. hasnt been too bad til lately with my GAD its up and down alot but ive been fairly good for the last 6 months or so then bam ive tried not to think too much into being a new father when my wife was pregnant now a week after his birth well a few days after his birth ive started to get the intrusive sexual thoughts, around what if i molested him or acted in a sexual way, the thoughts are vivid in my mind, now i love my son and want to protect him which i think is why these thoughts have started, and everytime i think these thoughts i feel ashamed, and feel so out of character about thinking them, which has me feeling ill bathing him and changing him, when my wife goes out i fear something happening, then when she returns i feel what if something happened and my mind blanked it out and i didnt know what happened, but i know deep down this is not true, i spoke with my psychologist who says people who act on this have sexual fantasies and dont think before doing this stuff they just do it. and dont fear hurting the child but fear getting caught which is complete opposite to me, i also fear hurting him etc...

i know deep down these are just intrusive thoughts trying to make a way in, im just fearful of these thoughts and struggle to get over the what ifs i sapose and i guess its more a fear of peadofillia, or something as also when i was in my teens u stumbed across some teenage porn which wasnt quite legal i dont think, so ever since then ive looked at myself as a bad person but i know its in the past and i think i was just curious as its a taboo etc..

im currently practising mindfulness just watching these thoughts go by which is a bit hard but i think i manage, when they come into my head im like ahh its this intrusive thoughts coming through again im not going to answer ur questioning, but then i sometimes slip and start to drift further into the what ifs

but yeah if anyone else has had this feel free to share some insight, i knwo it will get better, but i often doubt and think its going to be their ever how can i look at my child with these thoughts forever but i know it will die down once i dont give it the attention, its happened before when ive had some in the past so im 100% certain it will happen again and fade.

thanks for listening

[xvolatileheart]

Hi Jono, welcome to NMP.

Firstly, it sounds like you have a really healthy approach to how you deal with these thoughts - letting them float by, not giving them attention, etc. - so I'm certain you will get past this.

What you're experiencing is not unusual. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, but some of us with anxious/OCD tendencies attach meaning and feeling to these thoughts which can be distressing. If you look at the OCD forum on here, there are quite a few threads (some specifically about POCD) which may reassure you.

It's great that you have a psychologist who you can speak with about this. You're going through a massive life change with having a new baby, so of course you are going to be under a bit more stress. Be easy on yourself, you are not a bad person and you clearly don't want these thoughts, let alone to act on them, so rest assured nothing bad will happen. :hugs:

[Jono_Aussie]

Hi Jono, welcome to NMP.

Firstly, it sounds like you have a really healthy approach to how you deal with these thoughts - letting them float by, not giving them attention, etc. - so I'm certain you will get past this.

What you're experiencing is not unusual. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, but some of us with anxious/OCD tendencies attach meaning and feeling to these thoughts which can be distressing. If you look at the OCD forum on here, there are quite a few threads (some specifically about POCD) which may reassure you.

It's great that you have a psychologist who you can speak with about this. You're going through a massive life change with having a new baby, so of course you are going to be under a bit more stress. Be easy on yourself, you are not a bad person and you clearly don't want these thoughts, let alone to act on them, so rest assured nothing bad will happen. :hugs:



thank you for your reply, and advice, i know deep down things are ok it just keeps playing like a broken record lol. but ill check through those other posts you said about thanks again

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Jono,

I would suggest having a read of the threads on the OCD board because there are quite a few about POCD. Look for OCDKill and AndyJ73 where there has been a fair bit of discussion about intrusive thoughts. From what you say, you have a good understanding already as you are not letting them panic you into avoidance.

The very fact you know you love your son and would never do anything to harm him so these thoughts promote panic & anxiety shows that you would never do anything anyway and its OCD. I'm glad you have a psychologist as many are too afraid to even seek help. Everything he says it accepted medical science and you will see all the experts and the charities saying the same.

Have a read of Steve Seay's articles because he talks about this quite a bit. I remember him saying that this is common for new parents too.

The porn may have been legal. Its well known that they photoshop young actresses to look underage to appeal to people. Just like how they "touch up" all the celebs in magazines and all the stars who appear in mens health mags who really don't quite look the same in any other photo someone snaps of them!

[Bonnibelle]

What you're doing is just right, mindfulness is a great way to deal with intrusive thoughts.

It's also very normal to have these thoughts as a new parent as we feel so much responsibility and feel quite anxious around a newborn, so those of us vulnerable will experience some intrusive thoughts. It's just because we love our child so much.

I have children and my intrusive thoughts have all be around my children. Not of a sexual nature but about harm, they have scared me so much. There are some great books out there that helped me. Brain Lock is one of them and The Imp of the Mind is a heavy read but it does show these thoughts are totally normal.

Remember we get anxious about these thoughts because they are the opposite of who we are. They are ego dynostic, the opposite to our morals. We are good people with big hearts, we love our children so much and that's why when we have high anxiety these thoughts arise. It's sad our minds do this but anxiety knows how to scare us, and it will pin point the thoughts to the things that mean the most to us.

Mindfulness is perfect, stick with that and believe you are a good person. We are all capable of doing anything but if we don't want to we won't. I once was told we can act on a thought we want to happen, but not on one we don't want to. The power is ours. Just let thoughts pass in, and pass out. Observe them like you would clouds. Yes you will feel anxiety, and rushes of adrenaline that you may fear are an urge but let them all pass. In time this gets easier and these feelings and thoughts do ease.

Good luck and congratulations on your baby :-)

[Hearts]

Hi, I had terrible intrusive thoughts when I had my daughter. One night I was bathing her and a thought came across my mind to drown her. I'd never experienced these thoughts before and was convinced that I was going to harm her. I also had thoughts that I might sexually abuse her and I also freaked out walking past a school with her as I convinced myself that I was a padoephile. Luckily I had support around me and my family knew I wasn't a bad person, I was diagnosed with post natal depression and saw a phychiatrist. He told me that my thoughts were my fears, my worst fear in life was that I'd harm my child but he told me that even he knew that I wouldn't. I was not a threat to my girl but actually a good parent. Most people have lots of different types of thoughts but can just ignore them and accept them as a thought, unfortunately I dwell on things and can't let thoughts go. You will be a great dad and deep down you know that, you just care for him so much and that is what makes you great. It will get easier. I did have to take medication to help the anxiety and am still on it but I know anxiety lives within me and I just have to accept its part of me. Wishing you all the best x