Dark mole. Can't cope with this.

[Help1989]

This is the second post I've written today. My last one was about admitting health anxiety to my doc. I've been checking my moles and have realised that one on my leg has turned dark brown nearly black and is bigger, I'd say 3mm now rather than 1mm as it was. I've done the dreaded thug of googling. I feel sick. I had an appt with a derm 2 weeks ago about moles on my back that are watch and wait. I didn't show her my leg moles... I suppose of forgotten. It was all rushed. Now I am in such a state. I'm so worried because when I go to my docs in the morning, I'm scared they'll say just to wait cos I've got an appt with a derm in September! But that's so long away. I've read stories of melanomas being small and spreading quickly. What do I do?? I don't know how to cope with this. The mole is so dark, I feel like it has to be melanoma. I've taken a sleeping tablet to try and help me sleep but I'm so worked up its not helping. I'm in tears. Any words of help or comfort would be appreciated now :(

[KayeS]

Last December, a mole I'd had for about 10 years, I noticed had pretty much doubled in size, had scraggly edges, was different shades and slightly darker than it used to be. I was in the same state as you. I was CONVINCED it was bad.

I went to a dermatologist and he had a good look and told me that he was 99% certain it was fine. He can't every tell a patient 100% as you can never really be 100% but he said it looked completely normal. I told him that the way it looked matched everything I'd read about skin cancer, and he said this is common with people but actually, things like a mole changing, having different shades, having an irregular borders can actually be normal. If a mole has changed, it's always good to go and get it checked out, but moles do change over time and this doesn't mean it's bad. You're seeing the doctor tomorrow, wait until then. I know that usually when a GP is told that a mole has changed recently and he thinks it's worth a derm having a look, that they will give you an urgent referral to a dermatologist where you will be seen within 10 days or so. This doesn't mean they think it's cancer by the way, it's just standard procedure, so you may get this tomorrow. Honestly I've been going through a very similar thing to you lately, suddenly examining every tiny mole, convincing myself they are really dark but then looking in a good light and actually seeing that they aren't as dark as I thought etc...

Wait until you see the doctor tomorrow and try not to worry. Your being hyper aware of every little mole on your body now, and I can understand why but typically you wouldn't even notice the things you're noticing now. Keep positive!

[Help1989]

Thanks for your reply. I feel like laughing at myself sometimes. I've done a full body check and have since realised another new dark mole on my back that I've not seen before. I'm going to explain to the doc tomorrow that even though they're all small, I won't be able to continue my life normally until they're all checked. To be honest, I wish I could have every one taken off and biopsied but I know they won't do that.

---------- Post added at 01:49 ---------- Previous post was at 00:25 ----------

I'm still here worrying at 1.45am. I think because a mole is visible it's hard to forget. It's not like tummy problems or anything that you can say 'it COULD be IBS'. WHY have I been on the Macmillan website for melanoma??? I even read a post about someone with anal melanoma that had been disguised at piles (which I have!!!!) I had a good cry to my mum before which is awful of me. She then worries which worries me in turn.
In my head now, I have all the signs of skin 'c'... New moles, small but very dark, have grown. And I'm generally a moley person so therefore more likely to get a bad moe.
I don't even know why I'm writing this and rambling on. I suppose I just find it helps to put my thoughts down. I HATE MY BRAIN AND MY STUPID BODY :( :( :(

[KayeS]

Sorry you had a bad night :(

Did you visit the doctor today?

[Help1989]

Yes, she said that she thinks my moles look fine but I re ng the dermo who I saw a few weeks ago. The secretary found me an appt for next week after consulting with the doctor. I know it's bad that I don't trust my doctor but I feel like I need to show the dermo all my moles, I've written down where they are. My gp did say that one looked darker than the rest and I since found a mole type thing in my armpit that's red and bleeding a bit. I'm just glad that I've got a second chance to see the dermo. I'm going to say how much I've been stressing out over this and tell them that I'd rather the jus have the moles removed instead of waiting and seeing. I got referred for talking therapy too... I admitted my HA and my doc was more supportive than I would've expected. I'm a bit better today, still getting the thoughts of impending doom but I need to be strong. Thanks for checking back :)

[grantb5]

i had convinced myself of this aswell years ago. i also have a lot of moles and checked them all the time. convinced myself that they had changed shape and colour but they had not and was always finding new ones or what i thought was new but they wern't, was at the dermo getting photographs of them for them to check yearly, that was 10 years ago and no trouble from them, it made me realise how much the mind plays tricks on you. i remember the fear of what you are going through its horrible and constant checking really drains you, i feel your pain, its health anxiety, exactly what i have. you will get through it,good luck

[Help1989]

Thank you, that has reassured me a bit. It's silly isn't it, sometimes I get so overwhelmed I just think... I'll just forget it all, ignore my moles, what's the worst that can happen?! Then my mind starts wandering again and I'm back to square one, sitting up at 3am with that sickly feeling of anxiety! I do know that if I had a my moles removed, I'd find something else to worry about in a second :doh:

[grantb5]

honestly what your experiencing right now was me 10 years ago, i also wanted them removed but they wouldnt do it, i know its hard but give yourself a break from it. do something you enjoy,watch something funny on tv, i wasted years worrying about moles and they are fine and so will yours be, and you are right, when you are done worrying with them you move on to something else, only thing weve got is anxiety, relax and get a good nights sleep :)

[helenhoo]

I'm currently fearing this. I'm taking over this forum with my fear but i hope those who've had this worry understand. Its a new worry. As a constant checker of lumps and bumps my freckles have never been one of them. Until last week. I have one dark one kn thigh with a dark speck in. It's never changed I don't think. And a splodge on side boob my mom has said I had as a kid. The fear is consuming. Ive been fine all day until just and started drawing on it to check if it's same each side. It's Small triangle shaped and dark brown :(

[molrol]

I have 2 black moles on my leg, i was totally convinced they were melanoma...they just looked bad, went to the doctor who took one look and said they were both absolutely fine.

My HA is centred around skin cancer - melanoma to be precise - i have literally hundreds of moles, different colours, sizes and shapes. I genuinely can look at any part of my body and see several of the little buggers lurking around. I have absolutely torn myself apart worrying that i have/will have skin cancer and will die. I have paid to privately have 8 of them removed from the back of my arm - all benign. I used to go to the doctor, have my skin checked, go home, spot a new mole and BAM straight back to square one.

Honestly, the best thing the doctor ever said to me was less than 2 % (or something like that) of the population get diagnosed with melanoma in their 20s/30s so the chances of it being melanoma is unlikely. He also said that if it were melanoma you would know. Anything smaller than a pencil eraser tends to be utterly disregarded by doctors (which is good because all mine are) but he said doctors can take one look and tell if its cancer. The reason people die is because they don't check their skin, they don't notice it until it become VERY obvious. Because we worry, we check therefore we will know the instant something changes.

Having said that, its a vicious cycle. My advice, get a hobby, expend some of the nervous energy you have on doing a gym class, or doing an activity which uses your brain.

[helenhoo]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have a nurse who's a friend and higher nurse (sure that's not the title) who calm me down. They're both friends of the family and I hate asking them because my HA is a new things every so often.

I know it's anxiety because ive gone from one freckle on my boob to thigh one to scalp one. I have Spoken with nurse who took one look and told me its a freckle and very Normal looking. She said herself she has weird ones. Her son had one that went bad but was normal. For me it was the horror stories ive found online which I only have myself to blame. Ive just spent 30 mins trying to look on my scalp. I have long thick brown hair so struggling to see ha.

[Dreamweaver]

Firstly, knowing you're anxious, your dermatologist should have checked you all over. Just for the sake of completeness and reassurance. These people work with this stuff every day, and every six months when I go in, he's done in two minutes. Anything needing to be taken off (not because it's melanoma, but because of my skin colouring and therefore the remote possibility that it might change some time in the future) has a circle drawn around it with a black marker, and is photographed, using my mobile. This photo is then shown to the surgeons around the corner, who then whip it off/out and send it for biopsy. The important thing is to take your courage in both hands and have it checked. Some of them look frightneing and are harmless; others look harmless and are not. I've done the melanoma thing, and the relief when you get the report back and it says 'no evidence of melanoma' is beyond imagining. Go well. You'll be fine. And always remember rule number 1: stay off Google and pictures of melanomas! You and I aren't trained to interpret them.