having my daughter over night anxiety

[gregcool]

Hi guys.i am having my 13 yr old daughter over night tonight.its been 5 weeks since the last time i had her..deap down im excited and happy,but as i sit hear waiting for her,i have things heavy on my mind that i cant shift or stop thinking about.im worried its going to spoil my night.i should be sitting hear excited,but im not....i love her so much and miss her so much,but i just have so much stuff on my mind,taking away my joy...i feel so sad that life is always distroying my life

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Greg,

Have you got any activities planned for tonight with your daughter? If so, there is a good chance that they will act as a distraction and move your focus away from your current worries so that you start to enjoy yourself.

Try to remember how you felt last time.

Try not to worry about not having a good time this time either because even if you can't shake this off, its going to be kept inside you because I'm sure you will do everything you can to ensure your daughter has a good time and deal with the fallout afterwards.

If you can't shake these worries, don't believe that this is how its going to be going forward as its just one time and you cannot make a judgement based on that. Also don't attribute this to the event itself, you want to spend time with your daughter and its obvious you've wanted that so much so if it is a harder night than last time, its nothing to do with the evnt itself but the worries you are currently going through. You can change this as you work on your recovery.

[gregcool]

Hi Terry..yes i have activities planed..when she gets hear at 1pm we are going into town for a couple of hrs.then back hear to my flat.then my brother is coming with his two girls for a sleep over.so there will be a busy night.xbox and films and a few drinks..i just want to enjoy myself.i will try and get stuck in.i love her so much and miss her when shes not hear..she meens the world to me.

[jonjones]

Hi Greg,

Just focus on yourself, on letting go of the tight hold on yourself. Deep breaths, shoulders, arms and tummy muscles sag.

Deal with yourself and everything else will fall into place!

Best,

Jon

[MyNameIsTerry]

Take it as it comes, Greg. Once you start talking I think you will start being distracted from your thoughts.

You have so much time on your hands that you are left with your thoughts too much. You won't have that shortly, your time will be filled and your thoughts will turn to what you are doing and your daughter.

I hope you have a good time.

[threegorlsandme]

Hi Greg. I hope you're having a nice time :)

[swgrl09]

Hope you have a good time, I'm sure it will be better than you expect! If you look back on some of your old posts, give yourself some credit because you have come so far!

[gregcool]

Thanks guys.well im 5hrs in now.got my brother and his two girls.been to mcdonalds .just feel so dam tired today,realy wish i slept well last night.got a lot on my mind even tho i have company.i keep finding myself drifting towards my thoughts.driving me mad and spoiling my day.just want to goto bed.what a shame

[MyNameIsTerry]

How did it go, Greg? Did it get better?

[gregcool]

Hi Terry..yes the night was fine in the end..if anything it went far to quick and before i knew it,time was up and was 2am...got up today feeling anti climax,now its all over.got my girl till 4pm but feel sad and deflated now the sleepover is all over.my negetive thoughts and worries have all come flooding back to me and feel quite depressed..my daughter keeps cudling me and saying she is going to miss me and saying its to long till i see her next,this is making me sad,to think such a small young kid can care for a adult un this way..i love her so much and will really miss her...i cant win..but for now im consumed with my isues in my head again

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats really good that it picked up. Maybe you had a lot of trouble getting going and the tiredness was hanging over you. I find I'm far clearer later in the day and its the first half of the day that I struggle with. Been like that for years.

You feel sad because you feel you have wasted some of it with the thoughts taking over for a while but you need to look at it from the other way - those thoughts lost, you took over and turned it into a better night! Now you feel deflated as you are about to let her go again but isn't that only natural when you love her so much? Wouldn't any parent without anxiety disorders feel that way? Maybe you feel it harder but I think its only an extension of what any parent would feel in that respect.

It must be tough letting her go but don't discount the fact that she doesn't want to go, wants to come back sooner and will always be coming back to you. Not long ago you didn't have that and you were worried about why she didn't want to respond to your messages. Well, you clearly had no worries there mate, look where you both are now!

You are clearly a very loving father, Greg. Can you do anything for her next visit? Can you set a project up to do something for her for when she next comes? Something positive that you can concentrate on.

[gregcool]

I see what you are saying terry and you are right..i had a lovely evening last night.it was fun..i supose what im saying is that this thing going on in my life at the moment thats causing my problems,keeps consuming me .and today instead of enjoying the rest of of my time with her,im sitting hear in deep thought with my worrys...im trying to look at it from a possitive side but the negitive thoughts are winning.

[Fishmanpa]

Greg, perhaps the thing to do is force yourself out of it. Log off the computer as being on it is indulging the dragon. He would rather have you consumed with your thoughts and worry as opposed to interacting with your daughter.

Go for a walk or watch a show with her... anything but rumination in negativity.

Positive thoughts

[gregcool]

Thanks fishman..im not on a computer.im on my phone on and off..im going into town with her soon,so that will kill some time.then i need to tidy my flat up.its a mess after last night.that will keep me busy for a while

[jonjones]

Hi Greg,

Try not to force yourself to feel a certain way! Try to go with the flow and go easy on yourself. Do some activities with your daughter that´s interesting to the two of you. Then you´ll naturally get into the flow of things!

Best,

Jon

[gregcool]

Thanks jon.im in town with her now.shes staying till 5pm then being picked up.im worried about a anti climax when she goes..happend last time and she was on the phone to me in tears saying she wanted to come back and live with me.broke my heart.shes allready having moments of tears about going back to her home and leaving me..

[MyNameIsTerry]

Whilst upsetting because she is going away and to see her upset, isn't it also a massive boost to know how much she loves you that she feels like that?

[gregcool]

Yes nice to know she loves me terry.she cried when she was picked up,then when she got home she rang me again in tears..bless her...

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well, at least you know she really really wants to come back again and thats got to feel good!

Keep thinking about these good memories and what you are getting back in your life. We have to do this as much as we can and it makes our recovery easier.

[gregcool]

Yep agree with that terry.im keeping the good thoughts and memories of my lovely weekend with her..cant wait for the next visit..