Needy21
19-05-15, 19:04
For the past year I've suffered on and off from anxiety. Some January its been at its absolute worse and my doctor referred me to a counsellor which I'm seeing in a couple of weeks but something happened today that has triggered a full blown episode. I feel physically sick, want to cry and curl up into and shut out the world. My mind is in overload and I can't think about anything else, I can't think straight. My anxiety makes me feel that bad that I thought I had depression at first- feeling horrible for days, telling myself how bad a person I am, blaming myself for everything, convincing myself I'm worthless and not being able to think rationally. All of that could go on for a few hours to a few days even up to a few weeks. I'm lucky enough not to suffer from panic/anxiety attacks but my doctor says I still have pretty bad anxiety(she didn't specify which kind so forgive me if I'm on the wrong cater gory)
I suppose the best place to start is what happened tonight as this is what I need help myself with just now. I work with children. I love my job and am a qualified nursery nurse. But today I made a horrible mistake, a split second slip of the to tongue has set me off into a such a horrible state that I am actually considering looking for a new job in a new field as I'm beginning to convince myself that I'm not made for working with children. As I was emptying a bucket a huge mass of water poured out and fell on the floor and all of my foot. I didn't expect it so accidentally swore. I swore in front of a child!! I feel terrible. Now I can't stop thinking about it.
Did my manager hear? I'm pretty sure did, I didn't exactly say it quiet and her office was right next door. Will my colleagues view me as a bad nursery nurse? Probably. Will they bitch about me for it? Probably. As much as I like them they do bitch and will talk about this. Will I get fired/a disciplinary? All these thoughts are going through my head and more and I am convincing myself more and more that I'm the worse person in the world.
I've always been anxious in my job as before when I was training in a nursed I worked with some horrible people. I was bullied and walked all over, bitched about and made me feel like I was bad at my job. This anxiety has never went away, even when I left and went to a new place that was much better.
I'm ashamed to talk to my partner or mum about it which is why I'm here.
Help, I don't know what to do anymore :( I don't want to go into work tomorrow.
:mad::weep:
I suppose the best place to start is what happened tonight as this is what I need help myself with just now. I work with children. I love my job and am a qualified nursery nurse. But today I made a horrible mistake, a split second slip of the to tongue has set me off into a such a horrible state that I am actually considering looking for a new job in a new field as I'm beginning to convince myself that I'm not made for working with children. As I was emptying a bucket a huge mass of water poured out and fell on the floor and all of my foot. I didn't expect it so accidentally swore. I swore in front of a child!! I feel terrible. Now I can't stop thinking about it.
Did my manager hear? I'm pretty sure did, I didn't exactly say it quiet and her office was right next door. Will my colleagues view me as a bad nursery nurse? Probably. Will they bitch about me for it? Probably. As much as I like them they do bitch and will talk about this. Will I get fired/a disciplinary? All these thoughts are going through my head and more and I am convincing myself more and more that I'm the worse person in the world.
I've always been anxious in my job as before when I was training in a nursed I worked with some horrible people. I was bullied and walked all over, bitched about and made me feel like I was bad at my job. This anxiety has never went away, even when I left and went to a new place that was much better.
I'm ashamed to talk to my partner or mum about it which is why I'm here.
Help, I don't know what to do anymore :( I don't want to go into work tomorrow.
:mad::weep: