Anxiety is ruining my life

[Needy21]

For the past year I've suffered on and off from anxiety. Some January its been at its absolute worse and my doctor referred me to a counsellor which I'm seeing in a couple of weeks but something happened today that has triggered a full blown episode. I feel physically sick, want to cry and curl up into and shut out the world. My mind is in overload and I can't think about anything else, I can't think straight. My anxiety makes me feel that bad that I thought I had depression at first- feeling horrible for days, telling myself how bad a person I am, blaming myself for everything, convincing myself I'm worthless and not being able to think rationally. All of that could go on for a few hours to a few days even up to a few weeks. I'm lucky enough not to suffer from panic/anxiety attacks but my doctor says I still have pretty bad anxiety(she didn't specify which kind so forgive me if I'm on the wrong cater gory)

I suppose the best place to start is what happened tonight as this is what I need help myself with just now. I work with children. I love my job and am a qualified nursery nurse. But today I made a horrible mistake, a split second slip of the to tongue has set me off into a such a horrible state that I am actually considering looking for a new job in a new field as I'm beginning to convince myself that I'm not made for working with children. As I was emptying a bucket a huge mass of water poured out and fell on the floor and all of my foot. I didn't expect it so accidentally swore. I swore in front of a child!! I feel terrible. Now I can't stop thinking about it.

Did my manager hear? I'm pretty sure did, I didn't exactly say it quiet and her office was right next door. Will my colleagues view me as a bad nursery nurse? Probably. Will they bitch about me for it? Probably. As much as I like them they do bitch and will talk about this. Will I get fired/a disciplinary? All these thoughts are going through my head and more and I am convincing myself more and more that I'm the worse person in the world.

I've always been anxious in my job as before when I was training in a nursed I worked with some horrible people. I was bullied and walked all over, bitched about and made me feel like I was bad at my job. This anxiety has never went away, even when I left and went to a new place that was much better.

I'm ashamed to talk to my partner or mum about it which is why I'm here.

Help, I don't know what to do anymore :( I don't want to go into work tomorrow.

:mad::weep:

[Davit]

Is that it? Lord if I was your supervisor I'd ignore it. As for the child, it will either not know the word and it won't matter or already will and it won't matter. So it was as you said, a slip, this is nothing to lose your job over, as for your colleges, why do they matter, you are there for two reasons only, the children and the money. Think of the children, they need you. You probably just became more normal to them. And that they will like you for.

[Needy21]

Yes Davit that's it, ridiculous right? If I could think rationally that would be my response to! My anxiety takes over and makes silly things like that become a huge issue. It's a nightmare because I can't stop it!!

Thanks so much for your reply!

[flowerpotty]

Hi, thank you for your kind words previously, i want to let you know thst you are not alone too.
I was bullied at my old job too, i tried to do anything i could to keep the bullies happy but still ended up being walked over. My anxiety has not disappeared even with new job, new environment etc.

[Hearts]

I think your title sums a lot of us on here so you are not alone 😉 I too work in a nursery and am constantly trying to do everything right, so much pressure these days to be perfect but at the end of the day you are only a human being. Human beings would naturally swear if they accidentally spilt water everywhere and on their foot so you shouldn't worry about it for one minute, it definitely would be a sackable offence.

Sorry to hear about the bullying but do you know that a lot of bullying is done out of jealousy or the bully was once bullied theirselves so please don't take it to heart, these bullies are not worth your thinking time. I'm coming to think that anxiety is made worse for people who dwell on things. My husband always tells me that I don't let things go which causes me to worry more and in turn that also causes my anxiety. So many things in the past that I worry about and I shouldn't but find it hard to let go.


Please go to work tomorrow, I bet the children love you and didn't think twice about the swearing. I bet you are a kind and caring person who these children deserve and if you are like me then the anxiety eases when I am busy and laughing with the children. Be strong and walk into work, you can do it don't let the anxiety control you, try to control it and not let your life be ruined, it's too precious (must remember to listen to my own advice 😊) x

[Mrsh11]

Sorry to hear you are suffering. I know how you feel in many ways. I always feel under a huge amount of pressure to perform at work and view tiny mistakes through disaster goggles. I started a new job this week after a year in the worst job I ever had and although it seems so much better I am convinced disaster will soon strike even though I know the problem is my anxiety not my performance. All I can say is what I keep telling myself, do your best, put a brave face on and try to enjoy your work day. Things are usually not as bad as we imagine xx

[Davit]

Oh, I know the lack of reality anxiety gives to everything. Part of CBT is questioning your thoughts about a fact, not the fact. Nine times out of ten or more the fact is wrong or just a fact we blew out of proportion. if you find this hard to deal with you are in good company. It is hard to deal with.