CookieCat
22-05-15, 01:18
I just thought I would introduce myself. Like a lot of people on this forum, I've battled with Anxiety and Depression for most of my life. It stems from childhood, my relationship with my mother was difficult and I suffered a lot of abuse, emotionally and physically. I lived my life in fear everyday and on constant edge. Obviously as I've gotten older my life has changed but I do still fear that fear and for years I have been obsessed with my health. I'm terrified of Doctors and Hospitals so much so that I can't even bring myself to watch a medical drama on TV. I can't look or hear anything about Cancer, Heart stuff, sudden death syndrome. I know I'm probably making no sense but as soon as I hear or see anything to do with Hospitals or illnesses I end up panicking about it.
I hate the sound of heartbeats and I hate the experience of palpitations and that dreaded bursting feeling in the throat. This makes me worse, I can't seem to get it into my head that my body is reacting to the stress, I keep convincing myself that I'm going to die or get rushed into hospital and have to have emergency open heart surgery.
I have had friends who have had heart problems and died, not through anxiety but they had seriously illnesses and seeing them go from being all healthy and happy to very ill was traumatic.
I've done the whole counselling thing for years and I do believe in counselling it's just they didn't really know what to do with me because there was so much wrong with me from the past and then being anxious about my health.
I did have a spell of going to the Doctors all the time and they told me I had 'Psychosomatic Anxiety Disorder' another said I had 'Obsessive Thinking' another said 'Post traumatic stress disorder' and they just gave me more pills to take.
It's hard to explain to people who have never been through this, I go day by day, sometimes I have good days and some days will be bad. I have to be careful in regards to stress. I can handle a certain amount of stress but if I have too many things at once and surround myself with negative people it affects me and I end up anxious, heart palpitations, worrying sick and feeling worthless with a give up attitude.
I cut out coffee a month ago to see if that helped because I heard that Coffee can make you feel worse and make your palpitations worse if you have anxiety. It has helped a little bit but I still get anxious and have the same symptoms.
I see people going to Hospital and having tests done without a care in the world and I don't know how they do it, I would be going crazy.
I also fear going to sleep at night incase I die in my sleep. I think part of this is because my Grandad died in his sleep. He came home from work and went to bed and my grandmother woke up beside him to find him like that. It's something that has always stayed with me.
I also witnessed nurses coming back and forth to my mm's house when she had just come out of hospital for her thyroid, I also visited my grandmother in hospital when she had cancer. I don't know why I have this fear of Doctors.
It's crazy, even when I go somewhere and I meet strangers at a function and they introduce themselves as a Doctor my blood runs cold, I get these crazy ideas that they can see illnesses in me...does that make sense?
Going to the Doctors has always been a big drama for me, I have to sit in the exact same chair in the waiting room and I agonise over it even if It's a sore throat or something that's not what people would consider major, I panic that they are going to send me straight to ER to be hooked up to machines and all sorts.
I don't know what this is going to mean for when I decide to have children because I will have to attend hospital then. I don't know how to get rid of this fear or where it came from.
I've had a lot of stressful things going on in my life the last 2 years so it's no wonder I'm stressed, my body has been put through the mill and my immune system has suffered, I pick up colds, ear infections etc so easily now. Does anybody know of anything I can do/take to strengthen my immune system again?
I'm going to order a great book which I highly recommend if you have similar symptoms to me: Self Help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weekes - this book is Amazing and has helped me in the past sooooo much, it talks about palpitations/symptoms/everything and you'll feel so much relief, this book really spoke to me but I lost my copy so I'm ordering a new one tomorrow.
so there you go, that's why I'm here and I wish i could afford anxiety rehab or something :doh: to get rid of all this and be a somewhat normal person.
On the outside in my everyday life I put an act on and people think I'm confident and life is all fabulous for me but underneath I'm just trying to get through the day.
Thank you for reading and glad we can all support each other on here :hugs:
I hate the sound of heartbeats and I hate the experience of palpitations and that dreaded bursting feeling in the throat. This makes me worse, I can't seem to get it into my head that my body is reacting to the stress, I keep convincing myself that I'm going to die or get rushed into hospital and have to have emergency open heart surgery.
I have had friends who have had heart problems and died, not through anxiety but they had seriously illnesses and seeing them go from being all healthy and happy to very ill was traumatic.
I've done the whole counselling thing for years and I do believe in counselling it's just they didn't really know what to do with me because there was so much wrong with me from the past and then being anxious about my health.
I did have a spell of going to the Doctors all the time and they told me I had 'Psychosomatic Anxiety Disorder' another said I had 'Obsessive Thinking' another said 'Post traumatic stress disorder' and they just gave me more pills to take.
It's hard to explain to people who have never been through this, I go day by day, sometimes I have good days and some days will be bad. I have to be careful in regards to stress. I can handle a certain amount of stress but if I have too many things at once and surround myself with negative people it affects me and I end up anxious, heart palpitations, worrying sick and feeling worthless with a give up attitude.
I cut out coffee a month ago to see if that helped because I heard that Coffee can make you feel worse and make your palpitations worse if you have anxiety. It has helped a little bit but I still get anxious and have the same symptoms.
I see people going to Hospital and having tests done without a care in the world and I don't know how they do it, I would be going crazy.
I also fear going to sleep at night incase I die in my sleep. I think part of this is because my Grandad died in his sleep. He came home from work and went to bed and my grandmother woke up beside him to find him like that. It's something that has always stayed with me.
I also witnessed nurses coming back and forth to my mm's house when she had just come out of hospital for her thyroid, I also visited my grandmother in hospital when she had cancer. I don't know why I have this fear of Doctors.
It's crazy, even when I go somewhere and I meet strangers at a function and they introduce themselves as a Doctor my blood runs cold, I get these crazy ideas that they can see illnesses in me...does that make sense?
Going to the Doctors has always been a big drama for me, I have to sit in the exact same chair in the waiting room and I agonise over it even if It's a sore throat or something that's not what people would consider major, I panic that they are going to send me straight to ER to be hooked up to machines and all sorts.
I don't know what this is going to mean for when I decide to have children because I will have to attend hospital then. I don't know how to get rid of this fear or where it came from.
I've had a lot of stressful things going on in my life the last 2 years so it's no wonder I'm stressed, my body has been put through the mill and my immune system has suffered, I pick up colds, ear infections etc so easily now. Does anybody know of anything I can do/take to strengthen my immune system again?
I'm going to order a great book which I highly recommend if you have similar symptoms to me: Self Help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weekes - this book is Amazing and has helped me in the past sooooo much, it talks about palpitations/symptoms/everything and you'll feel so much relief, this book really spoke to me but I lost my copy so I'm ordering a new one tomorrow.
so there you go, that's why I'm here and I wish i could afford anxiety rehab or something :doh: to get rid of all this and be a somewhat normal person.
On the outside in my everyday life I put an act on and people think I'm confident and life is all fabulous for me but underneath I'm just trying to get through the day.
Thank you for reading and glad we can all support each other on here :hugs: