New to forum

[misskittie]

Sorry I'm new to this forum or any really. I have read a lot of your posts to help myself calm down in the past and I greatly thank all of you for sharing your experiences and struggles. It is incredibly comforting to know I am not alone in this battle.
I have had health anxiety for almost 9 years now. It started after my first daughter was born. I would get a pain in my leg and was sure I had a blood clot or a headache was an aneurysm.i realize now it was a concern that my boyfriend who is now my husband wasn't responsible enough to care for a child on his own; so what would happen to this poor little girl if I wasn't here. It eventually settled down and went away but now it appears to be back with a vengeance. Maybe it's the fact that I am so much more aware of myself now and the things that I do that I'm feeling crazier then ever.
For the past four weeks I have had pain in my left leg. The pain changes everyday in position and in kind of pain. Some days it's a stabbing pain behind my new and calf, others it's a tight feeling in my thigh, or a suffocating feeling around my ankle. In this time I have been to the hospital 4 times and to 6 different doctors multiple times each. I have had two negative d dimers and a negative ultrasound but for some reason this brings me absolutely no relief. My biggest problem I guess with it is that I actually have a small amount of swelling in my calf and ankle that no one can explain to me. There is a 1 cm difference between my legs and this is usually my smaller leg. I am in therapy at the moment and have been taking on meditation and well in case it's all psychosomatic like the doctors are saying. I'm trying to push through and live my life for my two girls cus I don't want to hold them back but it is so difficult sometimes to not just climb into bed and not leave it. Every twinge has me on edge and I feel like I'm not being my best possible self for them. Before this I had stomach pain that I swore was a bowel obstruction and was constantly dragging them off here and there to get checked out. I go to the drugstores a few times a day to check my blood pressure and check it 3/4 times in a row until it's an "acceptable" number. I carry a thermometer around in my purse so if I feel the tiniest bit off I can check my temperature. I feel like a complete prisoner of my own mind. I don't know how to make these thoughts stop and how to enjoy my life. I want to be the fun, playful mother I imagine and not the "sick", impatient one I am now. I just don't know how to get there.
Sorry about the big post just needed a vent I guess.

[agoraphobicstudent]

It genuinely sounds like you have hypochondria. I'm not saying that because I think you are making it all up, I just think that it could by hypochondria or these could be physical symptoms to a mental health issue.
You have been to the doctors several times for various things and they can never tell you what is wrong, or that there is anything wrong. Then you are compulsively checking your blood pressure. That suggests that you are a hypochondriac.

Perhaps speak to a doctor about this being the case. Maybe they can discuss other symptoms, maybe emotional or mental that you are experiencing.

I hope this helps you :)

[Worrier481]

I really feel for you, you sound just like me. I too have 2 wonderful children and my worry is to leave them motherless. It's horrible imagining there life without me. But I realise I'm wasting the best years of my life worrying. Anxiety brings a hole load of physical symptoms, and each one scares you. Your anxiety will get better with the right support and attitude, which means accepting it's all anxiety. You've had tons of adrenaline being pumped round your body and the symptoms are all down to this xx

[misskittie]

Thank you both. I do always mention to any doctor I see that I have anxieties about my health so they know right off the bat. Most of the time they just end up offering pills that I don't want. I want to be able to do this myself and not need to rely on a little pill to feel normal. I hate the shame that comes with this. I have one sister who always says I'm just doing this all for attention which is insane. What I wouldn't give for that to be true and to just be able to switch it off. I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It's hard cus it's like I know intellectually that this is all my anxieties causing the troubles and I try to force my brain to ignore my leg but then you get that little voice in the back of your head saying you could be wrong, people have been wrong before and died. Ugh

[Davit]

Never mind the anxiety, have you had your white cell count done. It sounds like a micoplasma infection. They are very slow growing. Tetracycline kills them. They love knees and ankle. So here is wishing me wrong because they can do a lot of damage.

[misskittie]

Each time they did the d dimer they did a WBC but never said anything about the results so I just assumed they were fine. I'm hoping that anyways. I figure they would have said something right?

[agoraphobicstudent]

Perhaps don't mention your anxieties to one doctor and see what they say, then go to another about hypochondria? But I think that it's the latter. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to find a way to work through your anxiety either way, and if you need the medication you shouldn't feel ashamed.

[swajj]

I don't think you are a hypochondriac. My psychiatrist told me that his mentor once told him he was unlikely to ever meet a true hypochondriac. I do think that your pain might be related to muscle tension. The pain moves around so it sounds like you might be tensing different groups of muscles at different times. I know it seems hard to believe that tense muscles could cause your pain but trust me they can. The other consideration might be that you have actually strained a muscle without realising it hence the swelling. Because your anxiuety has locked on to the thought that the pain is something sinister your other muscles are tensing up and compounding the original problem.

[misskittie]

Thanks. I have been working a lot the past on positive affirmations and reading the You Can Heal Your Life book and the pain is starting to get better and I haven't been panicking at all. So fingers crossed I'm started to come out the other side.