misskittie
23-05-15, 16:47
Sorry I'm new to this forum or any really. I have read a lot of your posts to help myself calm down in the past and I greatly thank all of you for sharing your experiences and struggles. It is incredibly comforting to know I am not alone in this battle.
I have had health anxiety for almost 9 years now. It started after my first daughter was born. I would get a pain in my leg and was sure I had a blood clot or a headache was an aneurysm.i realize now it was a concern that my boyfriend who is now my husband wasn't responsible enough to care for a child on his own; so what would happen to this poor little girl if I wasn't here. It eventually settled down and went away but now it appears to be back with a vengeance. Maybe it's the fact that I am so much more aware of myself now and the things that I do that I'm feeling crazier then ever.
For the past four weeks I have had pain in my left leg. The pain changes everyday in position and in kind of pain. Some days it's a stabbing pain behind my new and calf, others it's a tight feeling in my thigh, or a suffocating feeling around my ankle. In this time I have been to the hospital 4 times and to 6 different doctors multiple times each. I have had two negative d dimers and a negative ultrasound but for some reason this brings me absolutely no relief. My biggest problem I guess with it is that I actually have a small amount of swelling in my calf and ankle that no one can explain to me. There is a 1 cm difference between my legs and this is usually my smaller leg. I am in therapy at the moment and have been taking on meditation and well in case it's all psychosomatic like the doctors are saying. I'm trying to push through and live my life for my two girls cus I don't want to hold them back but it is so difficult sometimes to not just climb into bed and not leave it. Every twinge has me on edge and I feel like I'm not being my best possible self for them. Before this I had stomach pain that I swore was a bowel obstruction and was constantly dragging them off here and there to get checked out. I go to the drugstores a few times a day to check my blood pressure and check it 3/4 times in a row until it's an "acceptable" number. I carry a thermometer around in my purse so if I feel the tiniest bit off I can check my temperature. I feel like a complete prisoner of my own mind. I don't know how to make these thoughts stop and how to enjoy my life. I want to be the fun, playful mother I imagine and not the "sick", impatient one I am now. I just don't know how to get there.
Sorry about the big post just needed a vent I guess.
I have had health anxiety for almost 9 years now. It started after my first daughter was born. I would get a pain in my leg and was sure I had a blood clot or a headache was an aneurysm.i realize now it was a concern that my boyfriend who is now my husband wasn't responsible enough to care for a child on his own; so what would happen to this poor little girl if I wasn't here. It eventually settled down and went away but now it appears to be back with a vengeance. Maybe it's the fact that I am so much more aware of myself now and the things that I do that I'm feeling crazier then ever.
For the past four weeks I have had pain in my left leg. The pain changes everyday in position and in kind of pain. Some days it's a stabbing pain behind my new and calf, others it's a tight feeling in my thigh, or a suffocating feeling around my ankle. In this time I have been to the hospital 4 times and to 6 different doctors multiple times each. I have had two negative d dimers and a negative ultrasound but for some reason this brings me absolutely no relief. My biggest problem I guess with it is that I actually have a small amount of swelling in my calf and ankle that no one can explain to me. There is a 1 cm difference between my legs and this is usually my smaller leg. I am in therapy at the moment and have been taking on meditation and well in case it's all psychosomatic like the doctors are saying. I'm trying to push through and live my life for my two girls cus I don't want to hold them back but it is so difficult sometimes to not just climb into bed and not leave it. Every twinge has me on edge and I feel like I'm not being my best possible self for them. Before this I had stomach pain that I swore was a bowel obstruction and was constantly dragging them off here and there to get checked out. I go to the drugstores a few times a day to check my blood pressure and check it 3/4 times in a row until it's an "acceptable" number. I carry a thermometer around in my purse so if I feel the tiniest bit off I can check my temperature. I feel like a complete prisoner of my own mind. I don't know how to make these thoughts stop and how to enjoy my life. I want to be the fun, playful mother I imagine and not the "sick", impatient one I am now. I just don't know how to get there.
Sorry about the big post just needed a vent I guess.