Going inwards or losing awarness

[Ollie28]

Hi everyone it's been a long while since I last posted mainly because I just felt I needed to keep away from the subject - I've got slightly better worked a couple of things our had one or two great days followed by a terrible one or two Basucaly up and down but mainly still suffering from terrible cognitive issues that become better the better and feeling and worse the worse I'm feeling. Just wanted to ask - I can feel 90% my old self in every way but as soon as I need to do something that would trigger a little anxiousness my whole body and cognition go to pot!! This can be something as simple as talking to our next door, talking to our local shop keeper, slightly jogging! It triggers my body off-My head tenses up along with my body and I start to lose cognition and clarity I go dizzy the longer I carry on the worst it gets so something like walking around the asda with my wife I end up a cognitive mess - (must admit not as much as I use too months ago) my breathing becomes out of sync too and I feel all strange - everything speeds up its not until I can get home or back in to the car I let go and think thang God!! and I can calm my body back down take a few deep breathes and bring me body around to a functioning cognitive state but I never get to 100% - I can get like this too just tidying around the house - concentrating sends my self inwards the longer I cancebtrte on a task the inwards I go and the more "un aware" of my surroundings I become - I have to sit down try to let my body catch up my cognition open back up and my natural feeling of awarness open back up.

The last few months since not being on here I've made slight steps but in only away I have worked little ways out how I reset my body but not how I recover.

I had a great day on Saturday must of been the weather but I felt like my body opened up fully relaxed fully aware with emotions and feelings connected to them emotions that in turn triggerd me to feel normal as if all my brain was open and fully working!
Strange too warm air triggers my body to feel suffocated! Crushed.

---------- Post added at 18:56 ---------- Previous post was at 16:27 ----------

Is that a no then? Lol,

Can anyone explain to me the experience of a mental breakdown, symtoms, how they felt, what they experienced, pains, perception changes ect.

[Rachh]

Ollie I have had all of this. It is all part and parcel of anxiety/mental breakdown/nervous illness whatever u want to call it. It's basically mental fatigue. The third stage. It always passes for me but after 2 years of being adamant that I wasn't going to take medication I've started a course of fluoxetine. It has taken the brain grogginess away mental fatigue/Cognition/social/concentration problems and over analysing away also..however I'm incredibly anxious. I've only done a month and just increased my dose so I'm expecting heightened anxiety.
It took me a while to get it in my head that sometimes you need medication to stabilise you in a place where recovery can take place. I was so scared initially that what you was explaining above was something more severe. I thought all sorts but it is anxiety and just a tired mind:)
Hope I helped. Xxx

[Ollie28]

Makes sense I just can't seem to get away from this feeling - it was a lot more severe so I'm hoping it is slowly if only very slow becoming to wear away - it dosnt have create some horrible scary and strange perceptions and sensations - pains too.

Mind me asking where your up to now regarding your experience with this and how long it took for you to get back to feeling like you was mentally strong enough to start enjoying the days again instead of being worried everyday of waking of going through it again.

I've just started some medication I've been living on supplements for months taking plenty of omega 3 which I think might of helped a little.

I think I've had severe brain fatigue so bad like I say the smallest of small tasks create head pain and lose clarity. It's frustrating!!!

---------- Post added at 19:54 ---------- Previous post was at 19:47 ----------

The hardest part is feeling like I have no ideas I'm just blank then even when I do think of something it's as if I'm not aware of my own idea to even act on it.

My blood pressure is high too which I'm worried about - a lot of these symptoms can be symtoms of high blood pressure but I can't excercise like I used too because of the head pain it creates, I felt strange a lot of today just lost and like I can't create anything it was almost impossible to think up anything to do so I just went out and brushed up the garden tidied the children's toys away and within 2 minutes I was in head pain, breathing goes to pot, body goes weak and cognition goes everywhere I just have to come and sit down try to breath and relax to bring my body back down, I'm starting to wonder if it's blood pressure related this.

[Davit]

I have had a mental breakdown. Things don't just go fuzzy. You actually lose access to memory. What you did during the time of the breakdown gets no access code attached so can not be recalled. It is there, everything you do or think is recorded in memory and has an access code except major nervous breakdowns. It is the brains way of protecting you from the affects of trauma. PTSD only so bad you can't relive it. So I have a black hole where I should have a memory. Four hours where I have absolutely no idea where I went or what I did.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Did you get a diagnosis of Disassociative Disorder in the end, Ollie?

Omega 3 has also helped with my mood swings.

[Ollie28]

Yer terry I've had a diagnosis of dissociative disorder and PTSD my body is apparently stuck in fight mode - I'm not sure, tbh I'm just confused a lot and my main symtoms is lack of cognition and chronic change of perception compared to how I've looked out and felt all my life I constanly feel distant and wrong from the second I wake up to I go sleep - I've had a MRI, MRA and EEG all clear but yet my cognition, perception, memory and awareness have altered so bad I've had to leave my career and we are now losing our home. I have no control over how much brain power I have from minute to minute or how I feel from hour to hour all I know Is I don't feel normal me. I have chronic head pains and awarness and memory connection problems so it feels like despite me doing a task I can walk away and not feel the awareness of what I've just been doing, il
Know if asked but I don't feel aware. I don't feel aware of what part of the day it is of have my own ideas it's as if my mind is off constantly.
I'm having tests done for too much cortisol in my body next! Like I said though the last 16 months have been hell! - I'm only now just finding ways to cope it's not good all good but it's a little help. I'm only 31 I don't really have a life no more I just follow my wife around because i honestly don't have ideas of my own if i try I can't mentally think it's just like ha having a blockage on my throughts it's painful and frustrating, I sit down at night most nights without the awarness of what I've done, been, seen, all day it feels like the day was a dream or another day it's strange. Il have days were il just cry all day because I don't want to be like thid and il feel guilty on letting my family down then il have days like last Saturday and today feels like it's gone I'm pain free cognition is strong my awarness is is just there I can feel aware of what I've done it's horrible.

I'm still trying to find out what and why I'm experiencing these things - I know anxiety or anxiousness makes it worse I got to complete pot when I have to do anything anxious or concentrate hard but I want to know why what's happening in my body and in return I hope I can work on these areas to relieve symptoms.

Noticing my blood pressure is always high so I've bought a machine to keep tabs on it record it and take it the Drs each time i go,
What I'm starting to notice.....

At first severe brain fog, dp, cloudyness poor vision very very poor cognition, severe nerve pains head and body like my nerves were being fried, weakness no speech.
Now a bit better - slightest thing still puts my cognition and body in a state of cognition problems but the nerve pains have eased - brain has clears up most days -
The slightest thing physical or a little demanding triggers my body in to a mess. Have to rest to bring it back down.

Anything physical activity creates my head to tense up severe head pain front then to the back - then all my body becomes weak I lose complete cognition feel dizzy & weak and sick - breathing changes struggle breathing have to take deep breathes to relieve the sensations in my body - pain stays in my head like a crushing pain - even my ears feel closed over and crushed I have to open up my jaw to open up my ears. Body feels shaky and tickle & prickles.
Eyes go blurry and awarness goes struggling in this way. No mind power or cognition, pain and dizzy and confused - feel completely weak and breathing alters. No control
Over any of it. I have to sit down and wait for my body to calm back down my breathing to return to normal and my mind to reset.

I never feel like I have all my life! - I only calm down to a state that I'm stuck in that's about 40% me. My perception has changed I didnt know it was possible but I constantly feel strange and not me. Not dream like like depersonalisation but physically broke somehow.

The fact I'm starting to work this out is signs I'm becoming mentally better and stronger (I hope) I was so bad months ago I couldn't even think to think to figure stuff out i was a painfull total cognitive emotional mess. Still I'm fighting on

---------- Post added at 18:21 ---------- Previous post was at 18:13 ----------

Feels like my body is going inwards a lot of the time. Can't focus outwards our take nothing in or learn anything new with terrible head pains.

The other straaaaaaaange thing is I can feel ok get in the car put the blowers on hot and within 2 minutes it triggers my symtoms! I feel like I'm being crushed and bear hugged and my cognition starts to go - why would this happen??.....it's always done this! This what makes me ? My diagnosis.

---------- Post added at 18:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:21 ----------

...an even stranger thing happened a couple months back - I suddenly "snap" out of it my body just went back to how I felt all my life my mind fully opened and so did everything else!! I felt normal for about a hour I felt amazing after the hour the pains stsrted in my belly then I feel the sensations in my body then I just went back in to this state. Strange & very very frustrating!! Here's your life but your not having it! 8-(