Boydo
26-05-15, 00:49
Hey some people may seen me on here before others havent but ill give you a quick breif on way my anxiety spiked so badly and how my road to recovery has been....
from young age i was bullied badly i suffer adhd and autism aswell, i had abusive father and no friends ...... even tho i really have got a super mum .... this happened all way throughout school .... i mean literally year 1 to year 11 i was bullied, my depression started at age of 10 when i started understanding what going on around me, in year 11 when i was 16 i had short spike of usual anxiety symptoms couldnt breath heart palps etc, once i left school i went to college were i suddenly out no were met nice bunch of lads what i didn't know at the time would made me more friends then ever ! in short space time i was invited to partys etc i was so happy and because so happy everyone naturally got on with me and i was making friend after friend .... working hard i was at college had a job or 2 still managed to party so full of life and energy i was untouchable... until hit 18 were i was tragically involved in a car crash into the canal, one my mates died holding on my arm as we couldnt find the seat belt and the other was trapped in the back and he in a vegatonic state to this day :/, i was so hugely depressed, majorly because not only lost my mates but the cruel sick rumours that was going around .... everyone in 30 mile radius who i met knew about it, i started hanging out with the wrong people i dont blame them as it my own choice but i got into cannabis and few other drugs but non was as effective as cannabis i could sleep and forget about everything, few months later i fell in love with a lass who i was with for 2 years in that time we lost a child and from there we lost each other ... depression came back stronger this time my anxiety was pointed more too dooming feeling were ill try walk it off for hours or extreme dizziness ..... after awhile it went but that only because i smoked/drink myself so stupid i would forget everything going on around me this went on till i was 21 were i thought i need start getting my life back on track .... i started a business which was successful .... i was with another gf for a year who fell pregnant this time at 19 weeks she tragically lost the baby .... i went into a spiral again....i seemed lost care of the world totally this time even manage loose my business license and gf all ive the space of 3 months ... while i awaited court i have to say between 18 to 21 i was in trouble with the police hell of alot ... and it didnt really help me in court i was nearly sentenced to 1 year in prison .. the judge even said that was the punishment fit for me... however considering my mental state he doesnt see am fit too go there and order me get help, community service, etc ..... a year later after drinking myself stupid smoking what could be smoked and sniffing what could be sniffed i woke up and actually thought WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING! so on 2nd of NOVEMBER 2014 i quit everything!!! i cut myself off from the world .... stopped all contact to mates who smoked, ingored all invites to partys, gathering anything to sort myself.... the 1st week was great but by 10th november i can remember feeling so sad i went to sit by the canal were i sat for yes 4 hours solid ... from 9pm till 1am trying piece together on what heck i have done to the last 6 years of my life ... i wouldnt say it totally wasted but ill say it was pathetic of me ... i went home that night and woke up with my first ever panic attack.... the next day i felt ill flu like symptoms this wasn't just cannabis withdrawal, this was depression built up and my god didnt he want to come and bite me in the ass!!! i woke up every hour that night in sweats, panicking, numbness, headache, shivers, dizziness, confusion... the night was so bad i was thrown immediately into derealization .............. WOW is all i can say it was the worst brain fog ever i didn't even know what i felt i thought i was seriously ill i was purposely being sick constantly for a week staight with ibs... i had constant pain in my head .... i sat on the toilet just starring at the radiator and walls thinking why is this like that... why it so bright ... in sweats and panics.... this real was horrible i cant even think back to how bad it was as i don't want to go back EVER!! this went on for weeks the worst stage of brain fog, derealization went on till after christmas the doctors gave me propranolol and sertraline 3 days i felt so bad i was on kitchen floor starring at a wall like a vegetable shaking i didnt know who was around me or what was going on in the slightest i sat around all day doing nothing i freaked out 24.7 there was no stopping it, i ended up in A n E 4 times in space of 3 weeks, my doctor got me the mental health immediately as at night my sleep was so little it was having huge physiological problems ...... at one point i was at the point of going mad i was seriously considering sectioning myself as i wanted to literally die i couldnt cope the way i felt .... luckily i got give mirtazapine which coursed fatigue bad everyday ... but i slept like a baby ... this was a jackpot as i hated the fatigue but it also the route to my recovery .... by january once i passed this the stress had it toll on my body i got stress lumps, infection in my toes the sweats had calm i can only image it been my body detoxing from cannibis ( which i regret so much ) by january i kept on the mirtazapine and got out the odd day ... i started meeting old mates who been trying keep contact with me during my drug craze time ..... this help tremendously .. along with my gf who i really am suprised is still with me as i literally must tried leaving her 10x a week as i didnt want to drag her with me, by this time i havent mentioned this i got agoraphobia in this time it started leaving .... over the months my sweats stop, the brain zaps began ( anti depressants working ) this starred a whole spiral of thinking i had a brain tumour ... i had all the symptons as i was constantly watching my body i must been to docs 4 times a week and ringing them nearly everyday!! this is still present now but i tend to ingore it .... in march i decided to take the biggest step yet ... i went to london to see a old friend .. the trip was great and it gave me a sense that i was really getting my life back... i had the odd do but was feeling alot better by april i quit anti depressants as i didn't want to relay on them for the rest of my life and wanted learn self control also they causing my pupils go uneven..... i can happily say not been back on them scine i have the odd diazepam and that it ..... the symptom was just the odd day of haziness .... we now in may and ill tell you something anxiety DOES get better with determination ! patience and hope! am not saying 100% but i would say ive got most of my life back now!!! i can go out when i want do what i want and i dont get to the breaking point ...... i know alot people on here anxiety wont be drug related but mine not fully that you can hide behide anything and eventually it catch up !! but i hope you all have speedy recovery trust me i know its not easy these last few months feel a blur but also the hardest longest months of my life! i do get the odd migraine and am sure there loads ive missed out but you get the idea .... JUST KEEP ON FIGHTING AND FIND YOUR NICHE GUYS!!
i do apologise if odd bits dont make sense i have got bad dyslexia
Just give you idea how bad my anxiety was
Meds i have been on scine november
propranolol
diazepam
codiene
sertarline
mirtazapine
stratta
venlafaxine
then usual painkillers etc
if anyone feeling so low and trapped in there mind please email me i wont bite and try and help i have been at the worst and thanks to some the pleasant members on here its also helped me recovered
from young age i was bullied badly i suffer adhd and autism aswell, i had abusive father and no friends ...... even tho i really have got a super mum .... this happened all way throughout school .... i mean literally year 1 to year 11 i was bullied, my depression started at age of 10 when i started understanding what going on around me, in year 11 when i was 16 i had short spike of usual anxiety symptoms couldnt breath heart palps etc, once i left school i went to college were i suddenly out no were met nice bunch of lads what i didn't know at the time would made me more friends then ever ! in short space time i was invited to partys etc i was so happy and because so happy everyone naturally got on with me and i was making friend after friend .... working hard i was at college had a job or 2 still managed to party so full of life and energy i was untouchable... until hit 18 were i was tragically involved in a car crash into the canal, one my mates died holding on my arm as we couldnt find the seat belt and the other was trapped in the back and he in a vegatonic state to this day :/, i was so hugely depressed, majorly because not only lost my mates but the cruel sick rumours that was going around .... everyone in 30 mile radius who i met knew about it, i started hanging out with the wrong people i dont blame them as it my own choice but i got into cannabis and few other drugs but non was as effective as cannabis i could sleep and forget about everything, few months later i fell in love with a lass who i was with for 2 years in that time we lost a child and from there we lost each other ... depression came back stronger this time my anxiety was pointed more too dooming feeling were ill try walk it off for hours or extreme dizziness ..... after awhile it went but that only because i smoked/drink myself so stupid i would forget everything going on around me this went on till i was 21 were i thought i need start getting my life back on track .... i started a business which was successful .... i was with another gf for a year who fell pregnant this time at 19 weeks she tragically lost the baby .... i went into a spiral again....i seemed lost care of the world totally this time even manage loose my business license and gf all ive the space of 3 months ... while i awaited court i have to say between 18 to 21 i was in trouble with the police hell of alot ... and it didnt really help me in court i was nearly sentenced to 1 year in prison .. the judge even said that was the punishment fit for me... however considering my mental state he doesnt see am fit too go there and order me get help, community service, etc ..... a year later after drinking myself stupid smoking what could be smoked and sniffing what could be sniffed i woke up and actually thought WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING! so on 2nd of NOVEMBER 2014 i quit everything!!! i cut myself off from the world .... stopped all contact to mates who smoked, ingored all invites to partys, gathering anything to sort myself.... the 1st week was great but by 10th november i can remember feeling so sad i went to sit by the canal were i sat for yes 4 hours solid ... from 9pm till 1am trying piece together on what heck i have done to the last 6 years of my life ... i wouldnt say it totally wasted but ill say it was pathetic of me ... i went home that night and woke up with my first ever panic attack.... the next day i felt ill flu like symptoms this wasn't just cannabis withdrawal, this was depression built up and my god didnt he want to come and bite me in the ass!!! i woke up every hour that night in sweats, panicking, numbness, headache, shivers, dizziness, confusion... the night was so bad i was thrown immediately into derealization .............. WOW is all i can say it was the worst brain fog ever i didn't even know what i felt i thought i was seriously ill i was purposely being sick constantly for a week staight with ibs... i had constant pain in my head .... i sat on the toilet just starring at the radiator and walls thinking why is this like that... why it so bright ... in sweats and panics.... this real was horrible i cant even think back to how bad it was as i don't want to go back EVER!! this went on for weeks the worst stage of brain fog, derealization went on till after christmas the doctors gave me propranolol and sertraline 3 days i felt so bad i was on kitchen floor starring at a wall like a vegetable shaking i didnt know who was around me or what was going on in the slightest i sat around all day doing nothing i freaked out 24.7 there was no stopping it, i ended up in A n E 4 times in space of 3 weeks, my doctor got me the mental health immediately as at night my sleep was so little it was having huge physiological problems ...... at one point i was at the point of going mad i was seriously considering sectioning myself as i wanted to literally die i couldnt cope the way i felt .... luckily i got give mirtazapine which coursed fatigue bad everyday ... but i slept like a baby ... this was a jackpot as i hated the fatigue but it also the route to my recovery .... by january once i passed this the stress had it toll on my body i got stress lumps, infection in my toes the sweats had calm i can only image it been my body detoxing from cannibis ( which i regret so much ) by january i kept on the mirtazapine and got out the odd day ... i started meeting old mates who been trying keep contact with me during my drug craze time ..... this help tremendously .. along with my gf who i really am suprised is still with me as i literally must tried leaving her 10x a week as i didnt want to drag her with me, by this time i havent mentioned this i got agoraphobia in this time it started leaving .... over the months my sweats stop, the brain zaps began ( anti depressants working ) this starred a whole spiral of thinking i had a brain tumour ... i had all the symptons as i was constantly watching my body i must been to docs 4 times a week and ringing them nearly everyday!! this is still present now but i tend to ingore it .... in march i decided to take the biggest step yet ... i went to london to see a old friend .. the trip was great and it gave me a sense that i was really getting my life back... i had the odd do but was feeling alot better by april i quit anti depressants as i didn't want to relay on them for the rest of my life and wanted learn self control also they causing my pupils go uneven..... i can happily say not been back on them scine i have the odd diazepam and that it ..... the symptom was just the odd day of haziness .... we now in may and ill tell you something anxiety DOES get better with determination ! patience and hope! am not saying 100% but i would say ive got most of my life back now!!! i can go out when i want do what i want and i dont get to the breaking point ...... i know alot people on here anxiety wont be drug related but mine not fully that you can hide behide anything and eventually it catch up !! but i hope you all have speedy recovery trust me i know its not easy these last few months feel a blur but also the hardest longest months of my life! i do get the odd migraine and am sure there loads ive missed out but you get the idea .... JUST KEEP ON FIGHTING AND FIND YOUR NICHE GUYS!!
i do apologise if odd bits dont make sense i have got bad dyslexia
Just give you idea how bad my anxiety was
Meds i have been on scine november
propranolol
diazepam
codiene
sertarline
mirtazapine
stratta
venlafaxine
then usual painkillers etc
if anyone feeling so low and trapped in there mind please email me i wont bite and try and help i have been at the worst and thanks to some the pleasant members on here its also helped me recovered