JRSPDS
26-05-15, 13:39
So I thought I would share my story as I am only just coming to terms that I have HEALTH ANXIETY.
I have always been a person who would suffer from nerves when put under pressure, though I always prided myself on been able to handle anything. I emigrated to the UK, 13 years ago leaving all my family back in South Africa,
I was going on a big adventure. There were loads of ups and downs but I was young and I survived everything the world had to throw at me, nothing got me down.
Now I have always been prone to a little hypochondria(when I was sick no one could be more sick than me, when I pulled a muscle it was a tear and so on)
So getting onto where I think the Health Anxiety started, I have always been over weight, 7 years ago I was diagnosed with high blood pressure (210/160) I was heading for a heart attack at 31. So my girlfriend at the time said to me if I don't loose weight I am going to be dead at 40, I didn't listen as I was unhappy in the relationship and the only thing I found comfort in was food. Then 5 years ago I went on a VLC diet and I became obsessed I religiously stuck to it for 9 months loosing 52 kgs. I felt so good but when I went to the doctors they still told me I was overweight. Another problem was that I would look in the mirror and see myself as fat, I was 5'10" and 85 kgs but the diet didn't deal with the psychological aspect of what I had just put myself through. I split up with my girlfriend, so I started to look for comfort in food again, I would then get angry at myself for picking up weight and it just ended up becoming a vicious circle of hating myself.
I would always have aches in my arms and I started to think that this was because I was putting on weight again and now my health was suffering, now here was another angle to beat myself from.
Fast forward to 2 years ago, a close friend of mine got off a plane at Heathrow and on the way to my house, she had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage, she was 49 years old at the time, I got to the hospital and seeing her not been able to control herself and forgetting what had been told to her 1 minute before, crushed me (I am a big guy and have always been the strong one but I couldn't take it and had to walk out of the ICU). It was here that I started questioning my own mortality. I had to take charge of things this side as she had no family here, I had lots of stress with the travel insurance and finding money to get her partner over to support her. I started to notice little things like pains in my hands (I thought my BP meds were affecting my circulation). Then I was walking down the street and I got this zap in my head, (my first thought was, "oh no, now it's my turn")
The stress didn't end there, I was then put on notice of redundancy at work at this time I started to get severe pains in my stomach, I went to the doctor and they gave me Zantac, this didn't help, I was becoming more and more fixated with my health and that the doctors didn't know what they were doing.
So last November I had my first full blown panic attack, I was at home and my heart started racing (I thought that it was the codeine from the pain pill I had taken. Looking back and now understanding Anxiety, how wrong was I)
In December I flew out to South Africa with my girlfriend and getting off the plane, she turned to me and went "ow did you hit me on the back of the head", well you can guess it that was the end of me, I had to go to the bathroom as I was shaking and dry heaving as I thought that she was going to have a stroke. The next day I couldn't calm myself and eventually my chest tightened and I ended up in A&E. Nothing was wrong but it all felt so real to be as I didn't know what was going on, I still didn't know what anxiety was.
Then tragedy struck, on the early hours of the 1st of Jan my mother came to call me as my dad had fallen out of bed and she could wake him up, I tried everything, CPR everything, but I couldn't save him, he had, had a massive heart attack, he was 62. So the next month was a blur to me I would get chest pains and then think I was having a heart attack, the Doctor put me on Sertraline, well that was a mistake as all it did was heighten my Anxiety, I would wake up in the middle of the night and my body would be numb (at 2am in the morning I would walk to A&E) I now did not have a clue on what was going on I was in a constant state of fear.
It was at this point my flat mate said to me, you are suffering from Anxiety. I thought she was mad, how can Anxiety cause my all these symptoms.
My brain was sore, I was having a stroke (reality I was overusing it and tensing myself up thus causing my neck to tense and give me a headache)
My Chest tightened, I was having a heart attack (reality, acid reflux more than likely from been in a constant state of stress for 2 years)
Leg Pain, I was having DVT (more than likely Sciatica from been overweight)
Arm and hand pains and pins and needles my heart is not working properly and my circulation is bad (reality I am not active enough)
The last 6 months I have had everything under the sun and there is still a part of me that says "what if" but it is getting smaller each day. I ended up in A&E on Friday, I know the reality, but it was just the reassurance I was after, just as well I went as I met a doctor, who explained the chest pain to me and explain the only 20% of people actually get the burning of heart burn and that what I was getting was acid reflux and it was tightening my wind pipe, it was like I saw things in a whole different light. I have just had my best weekend all year and yes there were worries but I am starting to enjoy the small things again.
I know this could all be the eye of the storm and it could rage up again, but I have now accepted that all these affects (not symptoms as that implies I am sick and I am not) are caused by my HEALTH ANXIETY.
Thank you for taking the time to read as I know it might be a little self indulgent but it has been necessary for me to deal with this and if it could help others as this site has helped me.
I have always been a person who would suffer from nerves when put under pressure, though I always prided myself on been able to handle anything. I emigrated to the UK, 13 years ago leaving all my family back in South Africa,
I was going on a big adventure. There were loads of ups and downs but I was young and I survived everything the world had to throw at me, nothing got me down.
Now I have always been prone to a little hypochondria(when I was sick no one could be more sick than me, when I pulled a muscle it was a tear and so on)
So getting onto where I think the Health Anxiety started, I have always been over weight, 7 years ago I was diagnosed with high blood pressure (210/160) I was heading for a heart attack at 31. So my girlfriend at the time said to me if I don't loose weight I am going to be dead at 40, I didn't listen as I was unhappy in the relationship and the only thing I found comfort in was food. Then 5 years ago I went on a VLC diet and I became obsessed I religiously stuck to it for 9 months loosing 52 kgs. I felt so good but when I went to the doctors they still told me I was overweight. Another problem was that I would look in the mirror and see myself as fat, I was 5'10" and 85 kgs but the diet didn't deal with the psychological aspect of what I had just put myself through. I split up with my girlfriend, so I started to look for comfort in food again, I would then get angry at myself for picking up weight and it just ended up becoming a vicious circle of hating myself.
I would always have aches in my arms and I started to think that this was because I was putting on weight again and now my health was suffering, now here was another angle to beat myself from.
Fast forward to 2 years ago, a close friend of mine got off a plane at Heathrow and on the way to my house, she had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage, she was 49 years old at the time, I got to the hospital and seeing her not been able to control herself and forgetting what had been told to her 1 minute before, crushed me (I am a big guy and have always been the strong one but I couldn't take it and had to walk out of the ICU). It was here that I started questioning my own mortality. I had to take charge of things this side as she had no family here, I had lots of stress with the travel insurance and finding money to get her partner over to support her. I started to notice little things like pains in my hands (I thought my BP meds were affecting my circulation). Then I was walking down the street and I got this zap in my head, (my first thought was, "oh no, now it's my turn")
The stress didn't end there, I was then put on notice of redundancy at work at this time I started to get severe pains in my stomach, I went to the doctor and they gave me Zantac, this didn't help, I was becoming more and more fixated with my health and that the doctors didn't know what they were doing.
So last November I had my first full blown panic attack, I was at home and my heart started racing (I thought that it was the codeine from the pain pill I had taken. Looking back and now understanding Anxiety, how wrong was I)
In December I flew out to South Africa with my girlfriend and getting off the plane, she turned to me and went "ow did you hit me on the back of the head", well you can guess it that was the end of me, I had to go to the bathroom as I was shaking and dry heaving as I thought that she was going to have a stroke. The next day I couldn't calm myself and eventually my chest tightened and I ended up in A&E. Nothing was wrong but it all felt so real to be as I didn't know what was going on, I still didn't know what anxiety was.
Then tragedy struck, on the early hours of the 1st of Jan my mother came to call me as my dad had fallen out of bed and she could wake him up, I tried everything, CPR everything, but I couldn't save him, he had, had a massive heart attack, he was 62. So the next month was a blur to me I would get chest pains and then think I was having a heart attack, the Doctor put me on Sertraline, well that was a mistake as all it did was heighten my Anxiety, I would wake up in the middle of the night and my body would be numb (at 2am in the morning I would walk to A&E) I now did not have a clue on what was going on I was in a constant state of fear.
It was at this point my flat mate said to me, you are suffering from Anxiety. I thought she was mad, how can Anxiety cause my all these symptoms.
My brain was sore, I was having a stroke (reality I was overusing it and tensing myself up thus causing my neck to tense and give me a headache)
My Chest tightened, I was having a heart attack (reality, acid reflux more than likely from been in a constant state of stress for 2 years)
Leg Pain, I was having DVT (more than likely Sciatica from been overweight)
Arm and hand pains and pins and needles my heart is not working properly and my circulation is bad (reality I am not active enough)
The last 6 months I have had everything under the sun and there is still a part of me that says "what if" but it is getting smaller each day. I ended up in A&E on Friday, I know the reality, but it was just the reassurance I was after, just as well I went as I met a doctor, who explained the chest pain to me and explain the only 20% of people actually get the burning of heart burn and that what I was getting was acid reflux and it was tightening my wind pipe, it was like I saw things in a whole different light. I have just had my best weekend all year and yes there were worries but I am starting to enjoy the small things again.
I know this could all be the eye of the storm and it could rage up again, but I have now accepted that all these affects (not symptoms as that implies I am sick and I am not) are caused by my HEALTH ANXIETY.
Thank you for taking the time to read as I know it might be a little self indulgent but it has been necessary for me to deal with this and if it could help others as this site has helped me.