Being put under pressure to do things by other people

[Sparkle1984]

I think that one of the reasons for my latest anxiety episode is that I feel as if I'm being put under pressure by other people, and I find it difficult to say "no".

About 18 months ago, I started attending regular IT/business meet-ups and talks in my city (I work in IT so I'm interested in that sort of thing). There is also a local website which publishes tech news. Early last year, I decided to write a review of one of the IT meet-ups and submitted it to the tech news website, who published it online and I was very happy about that. I wrote a few more articles over the following months, which were all published.

The trouble is, the organiser of these IT meet-ups has now come to expect me to write a review every single month. Whenever I attend one of these meet-ups, he takes it for granted that I'll write an article, as I'm usually the only person who takes detailed notes.

I only ever intended to write articles occasionally, when a talk particularly interested me. Being expected to write one every month takes up a lot of my time, especially due to the technical nature of the writing.

The last of these talks happened 3 weeks ago - the organiser didn't ask me to write an article after the talk, so I decided not to, as I have a lot of other things that are taking up my time at the moment. Then a few days later my anxiety came back with a vengeance, so I re-started medication last week and I've been off work since then. I haven't had the motivation to do much in the last few days. But today, I received an email from the IT meet-ups organiser, saying that he was hoping I'd written a review for the talk which took place 3 weeks ago, and was I able to do so?

The pressure is putting me off going to these talks so often, but even when I don't attend, the organiser sometimes contacts me to ask me why I can't make it - for the times I don't attend, the organiser usually writes a review himself.

I don't need this sort of additional pressure at the moment, so how can I politely say to him that I haven't written a review for the talk which happened 3 weeks ago as I've had too much going on in my life, and also make it clear that I only want to write these reviews occasionally, and not every single month?

[syg]

I get this kind of pressure from people frequently because I never say no, because I am just too polite. It ends up making my anxiety ten times worse and leads me back into horrible episodes like now where I am going through a severe panic disorder phase.

Look at it this way, even if the person was offended by you saying you simply don't have time to do it any more, at least you are keeping your mental health in better shape. Put that first, not other people. I need to do the same :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think this is where assertiveness is required. You shouldn't feel bad for not always doing this because there is no obligation on you to always do this and to be honest, I think this guy is being very cheeky here.

He writes his own version when you don't attend but takes it for granted that you will write one when you do.

I'm guessing that the thinking is that only one review would be published hence n independent is better than the biased one from the organiser? Or is he an organiser for a group and is not actually giving any talks anyway?

Maybe you could just state whether you intend to based on how you feel. If you don't feel like it or may not feel able to do so, be assertive and tell him you are unlikely to do so and he should push on with his own writeup.

A question in my mind is whether as the organiser he is already supposed to be doing this and has seen an opportunity to use you.

If you want to write the odd one, thats fine, but you shouldn't feel you have a responsibility to do so.

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your replies. I've just emailed the organiser to let him know that as I've had a lot going on lately, I've been unable to write a review for the latest session. I also explained that due to my current workload and other commitments, I'll no longer be able to write a review for every session. However, I'll still attend the sessions that interest me the most, and the ones which are the most relevant to my job (the subjects are announced in advance), and I'm still prepared to write the odd review every now and again.

MyNameIsTerry - the man is the organiser of the meetup group. He doesn't usually give talks himself - he usually drafts in speakers from local companies and other organisations to give a talk on a set topic.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Maybe you were saving him a job then or maybe the possibility of an independent review would be considered better or maybe your reviews are simply just better!

He can't argue with any of it, he's had a bonus from your work. If he doesn't like it, well, its just tough really as thats not a requirement of attendence. Just do what you feel comfortable with and as long as you coordinate it, some meetings you will save him the work and he should be very happy with that.