still can't shake the dread !!!

[crazymum25]

Ok so nearly 48 hours no sleep .... Checking my legs tightens of chest and pain in arms and back pain .... Still convinced I'm Ill cold has gone but the fear of a clot hasn't !!! Why am I so scared !!!

[Sam123]

Because you have Health Anxiety and this will continue until you get better, which requires the right therapy and probably medication for you, but seen as you can't take it, with you not being able to think rationally whatsoever at all i don't think therapy will help that much. :blush:

[crazymum25]

I understand that but I'm having a hard time thinking rational now ... I'm sitting in the garden looking into the sky praying now !!! Just want too get better I'll give everything too .... I'm going too end up in a unit soon I'm losing my mind

[Sam123]

Is there any time that you do think rationally? As it doesn't seem like there is from your posts. If you are constantly in a state of anxiety like this then i doubt therapy is going to have an effect, that's where medication would usually come in.


Just want too get better I'll give everything too

[Dazza123]

Its a lack of sleep making you feel worse.

You need medication.

I hate medication, but I take it because it makes life less hard.

[crazymum25]

No not lately there is not !!!! I'm just a cloud most days drift in and out but fear is there constantly !!! Shame I am trying so hard trust me .... I really accept this is ha but the fear is over Alarming its the what if its real this time??? Its scary thought !!!

[crazymum25]

Paul I went two weeks ago I had bloods test done chest xrsy .... My bloods done three times and about 9 ecgs .... Three consultants looked at me too ..... I went through a stage I was in a n e every night and the go everyday .... But I've managed too control that abit I even stop walking too a n e at stupid early hours !!!! I don't see gp as much but the worrying hasn't stopped I don't live in hospital anymore because of the stress it brought too my family in the end !!!! Do you think I should go then?? You think I may have one?? Or several panicking now big time when I read your post I had that sinking feeling !!!

[Fishmanpa]

Personally, I really believe you need to seriously consider going to the hospital so you can be tended to in order to help you manage yourself. Nothing anyone here can help nor are you taking anything anyone says on board anyway. If your family is as supportive as you say they are, they have to see the distress you're in.

Positive thoughts

[crazymum25]

Yeah they are supportive with my children and love me but none of them understand anxiety or suffer from mental illness so my constant fear and there endless nights in hospital has made them grow tired etc especially when they are sitting next too me all night then going too work with no sleep ... Oh paul I'm so sorry too hear that . awlful .... I no its different but my best friends mum died of cancer at the age of 45 I was with her every step ... Seeing her go through that and get worse everyday quickly wasn't nice I lived through it all for my friend couldn't cope seeing her mum like it it was hard so hard especially when she took her last breathe even more so my anxiety hits the roof !!!! Sorry makes me hate myself even more because people are dying like you said its a vicious circule

---------- Post added at 23:31 ---------- Previous post was at 23:27 ----------

Maybe your right maybe I'm just a bad person !!! I have no clue I think I'm scared . maybe of life !!! And clearly of death !! Yeah your right I do not believe any health profession .. .. In anyway ... I try I do I sometimes make it a whole day then bammmmmm ...... Selfish I hate myself for it and the effect its having on my dad especially !!

[worrywart29]

I know how you feel, but at the same time you have to fight against the thoughts in your head. Not sleeping is going to only make you feel worse eventually you will pass out from exhaustion. Try to lay down in a soothing environment and focus on good thoughts before you know it you will be sleep. Staying awake will not prevent death if you truly were going to die it would happen whether awake or sleep. (You're not going to die). You have to realize that every feeling you described to us thus far is very common and most of us would not be alarmed if we experienced it. Trust me I know how easy it is for the mind to run away with worry but you are fine I'm certain.

[Gary A]

I`ve had HA myself and have offered various ways that helped me, none of which you`ve ever shown any interest in, but the second I mention going to A&E you react like a greyhound out of the traps

And this right here is exactly what this person is looking for. She's not interested in help, she's not interested in reassurance or anyone giving her coping techniques, she wants someone to say something that justifies her own hysteria. When you tell her she's being silly, she'll call you a bully and tell you that its your fault she's reacting like this because you told her to go to A&E.

I admire your patience and I know you genuinely care, but this person is not here for your help.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I would suggest going back to your GP about this because what they have said is not acceptable and does not follow NICE guidelines. Your GP should be referring you for therapy and considering whether drug therapy alongside this is necessary or should be conducted later (although this is a massive challenge for you so not a good GP strategy without support to do it)

I'm guessing that your PD was diagnosed by this private therapist? I would inform your GP of this because PD's are harder to resolve than anxiety disorders and I doubt you would be referred to the IAPT services and more likely be referred to the mental health teams that deal with more challenging disorders.

Please don't go to A&E for a test and speak to your GP. As you say, you are cutting down on rushing to them anyway so thats some progress and all a test in A&E is going to do it reinforce your anxiety (maybe a bit of temporary reassurance will occur as well) and waste their time in the process. Your GP can get the same tests done and also consider your anxiety disorder(s) and PD issue and determine whether it is a pure waste of money even bothering. Notice I say disorder(s) - which is because from you talking on the OCD thread recently, I suspect you have other issues alongside any HA which are not necessarily going to mean the same methods to recovery.

You say you are having private EMDR therapy and paying weekly so I'm assuming you are having weekly sesisons? So, you are at least trying and by forking out cash from your own pocket you are not willing to sit and wait for months on a waiting list. I think this shows some commitment but you need support too and this is where treatment for the PD will come in which is going to mean you have different or more intense behaviours than normally associated with anxiety disorders which not everyone may be aware of.

Because you are doing that I would suggest the GP route. Its clear you have some severe anxiety involved here but there are many others on this forum just like this (without the PD, some with) and the only difference is that they aren't posting constantly yet they are clearly in just as much distress.

There are also usually crisis teams you can call who will assess whether you need immediate help which saves sitting waiting for an on call psych to turn up in A&E who will contact your GP and if you are not at risk to yourself or others, may do little more than the crisis teams would other than maybe issue something to calm you down. The crisis teams will do the same checks anyway but would talk to your GP if needed as opposed to issue anything to calm you. I think the fact you are able toconceal this from your children means you have some control and the crisis team may be a suitable route fast call route if needed but ideally go to your GP soon because it's only about harm risk when it comes to immediate support (possible sectioning, for instance) but that doesn't mean you aren't important and you should still be treated.

Not forgetting the fact that ALL counsellors & therapists are expected to work with the mental health act so your GP & private therapist obviously don't believe your anxiety to have reached those levels and they would be the ones to make that call.

[Fishmanpa]

From another post... just to reiterate... And you never answered the question which raises other questions....


Originally Posted by Fishmanpa

CMum,

I'm going to venture out on a limb and say that I feel this forum, in light of your situation and diagnosis, is not a good place to be for you. While it's cathartic in allowing you to write out your fears, it's also giving them a life of their own. Your fear, of whatever it happens to be, is born when you put it on the forum and it lives on with each response further ingraining it into your psyche. Does your therapist agree with your participation? I've found that most who undertake psychotherapy are advised against it.

Just an observation. And it's quite apparent reassurance isn't helping at all.

Positive thoughts


Again... positive thoughts
__________________

[Sam100322]

All she's doing is attention seeking she doesn't take a word people so what's the point in people replying to it? She'll never get better so long she posts on here all the time. She won't seek help for herself I feel sorry for the kid

[crazymum25]

Of course I do and I'm Not attention seeking stall why should you feel sorry for my child?? I'm a good mum thank you in every way I can be !! Do not pass judgement thank you .

[Dazza123]

Most people on this site use it as a tool to get advice on how to make them better. Some people, like me, use it alongside other methods of help, ie medication.

Coming here with no other help sources isn't enough for you Crazymum. You need help alongside this forum, otherwise nothing is going to change and nothing will get better.

If you are as bad as you say you are then take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, lots of us are like you, and as bad as you, but we try to do things to help ourselves, and you need to do this too.

Just posting on here, and being hysterical, which is how you come across, will not help you, you need other assistance, so get it. If you do not seek other proper help, then what will you expect from the people on here? There is nothing anyone can do for you other than offer advice to get some help in the outside world. Reassurance and sympathy is great, but it isn't enough when things are as bad as you say, so do something, be proactive and get help from medical professionals.

The time you are spending on here can be put to better use, get help.