My head's a mess

[elik]

Hi all,

Just in need of some advice. I am at a bit of a dead end with current situations. I have just gone through a break up (well, 5 months ago) and to say it has rocked me is an understatement. I put so much into that relationship that now I feel stripped of everything including his friends, family, home, living situation, etc. I am still trying to rebuild, but feel nothing ever fills that hole. Where I am getting frustrated myself, I find myself beating myself up which has now put me in an anxious depressive state that has made everything ten times worse. I question everything, my head is messy and I do not know how to make a good path for myself. I am exhausted by all of this, I honestly am a broken person and need a lot of fixing!! It doesn't help that for my age (22) I am highly mature emotionally etc and most people my age aren't so its hit me harder as I take love and all things like that seriously and not as a fleeting feeling.

Any help to push past this rocky stage would be appreciated.

Thanks

Ellie

[Oosh]

Start a diary. Write it all down. Writing it down forces you to have a start and a finish. Unlike thinking which can jump from subject to subject mid-subject.
Write each issue down and write through it to a positive conclusion that makes you feel better.

Self esteem - measures to improve it.
Mood - measures to improve it.
How to build your own support network.
What your goals are.
Etc

Write until your anxiety lowers and your mood lifts. Writing tidies up the issues and gives you some direction. Without it it can become overwhelming.

We all question everything, beat ourselves up etc. Its important to have that reassuring voice in your head that shows you why you are a quality person and shows you why everything is going to be ok.
Practice calming yourself down. Don't be at the mercy of it.

[Txxxrho]

Break ups are tough. I actually was broken up with 3 weeks after my dad died of a heart attack, so I was hit with a double header. My anxiety got really bad. I was alone through it all and was in the ER having panic attacks (which I had anxiety problems years prior to all this) It gets low. You'll feel lost for awhile but eventually you get past it. I can't even say I have fully moved on but maybe I hold resentment for my ex because of it but you'll find someone else. I'm 22 as well and we are so young. I have found many of people since but just haven't trusted them or gave them really a chance because I got so insecure after my situation but try to just be more hopeful and trusting coming from experience. It gets better but break-ups truly are something time has to heal so get a new hobby and something new in your life to help you heal and get your mind off of it all.

[elik]

Thank you for your responses. I just feel like I'm completely lost and this panics me seeing as it's not that recent a breakup anymore. I just feel like I've lost half of the most important people to me this year and I could reach out to them but there's no point. Oosh, this is a good technique, gives you a good perspective also when you see what you're thinking/feeling outside of your own head! That's what hurts. I am so sorry to hear of your loss TXXXRHO that's horrible and makes my situation look very meagre! You sound very strong willed. How long ago did this all happen? I Know the right things to do but its the waiting to ACTUALLY feel ok rather than pretending to be that's so exhausting! Take care

[Txxxrho]

Actually not as strong willed as I sound. I'm just very good and explaining my situation. Which sucks because I kind of know it all is anxiety but can't think rationally when it's going on at all. I'll have spells for weeks/months. These recent one has been almost a month but it was 2 and a half years ago since all that. And I still struggle with it. Not so much the death and the break up but just kind of have abandonment issues and I completely criticize anybody I even consider letting into my life. Like, I found every single thing that I do not like about them and never give them a chance. It's hard and I definitely have become a perfectionist and screwed myself.