first night off my meds

[gregcool]

Well last night was the first night off olanzipine.it took me ages to fall to sleep,i thought i was going to have to get up at one point...i didnt sleep very well or deep.i feel like iv been semi consious through the night.and when i did wake early this morning and try to go back to sleep,i was getting head zaps or a typeriter kind of sound each time i was about to drop off,so this stoped me from going back to sleep..i new this would happen coming off this med and its only been one bloody night..very disapointed..i was fine on this med and is only a small dose..i wish i never saw the phyciatrist now it was her that told my doctor to take me off this olanzipine

[pulisa]

It's a horrible drug Greg. You are being advised to come off it for good reasons.

[Crystalhiggs]

Oh dear Greg sorry you had a bad night. Hopefully it will get easier the more you get used to it. When I took zopiclone (although it was only for a few weeks) the trazodone didn't work at all for sleep. But when I just stopped it, I had 2 awful nights, but then it was like my brain said ok I don't have that to help me sleep but I do have Trazodone, then that started working. And you're on a high dose of traz so I'm sure it will kick in once you adjust to it. It's the change that's horrible isn't it?! At least tonight you know you will sleep well!

[gregcool]

Well yes im on 200mg of trazadone..my worry is that the doctor is trying to take me off olanzipine to quick..i have read, about being reduced from 5mg down and the best way is to have 5mg one night then 2.5mg the next night,and do this for a couple of weeks,then take out the 2.5mg and sticking with just the 5mg every other night..so i hope the methord im on is not to bad for me......how did you sleep Crystal ?

[Crystalhiggs]

I guess all you can do is try it a few times and if it doesn't get easier go back to your gp and suggest a slower withdrawal. It is so debilitating when you don't sleep! I don't know anything about olanzapine but it does sound like you need to come off it for your long term health so imagine how good you'll feel when you are finally off it and feeling that sense of achievement!

Last night I slept well thanks, I reduced the trazodone down to 40, to be honest I was so tired I think I would have slept whatever the circumstances last night!

Feel fine today but I know last time it took a few days for the side effects to come out, hopefully it will be easier this time.

Hope you have a good day despite a not brilliant night!

[gregcool]

Crystal thats good you slept.well done.hopefuly for you it wont take to long to come off the traz..it would be great for us not to be on any meds at all.i feel very tired today and a raise in my anxiety.dont know if thats the meds causing anxiety or because i didnt sleep well.im meeting up with a good old mate of mine in town today so got some distraction..hope you have a good day..speek latters

---------- Post added at 12:14 ---------- Previous post was at 11:11 ----------

Thanks pulisa.your right.iv heard some bad things about it.plus iv gained 3 stone in a year being on it..

[MyNameIsTerry]

You've got to keep at it, Greg. One bad night throws us off but right now thats all it is, its not a pattern of behaviour. Its also partly the fact you worry about this, I've had that too when I had my insomnia issues and it adds further anxiety on top.

We can learn to adapt to the most extreme of circumstances, its part of our survival ability and we often don't knwo just how strong we are until we face something. Its also true that the silly minor things can affect us as much as something that would be a major trauma to a non anxious person. Thats just the fear response doing things wrong as in all these disorders.

I've been spending years rebuilding my life from a very low level that I ended up in. Just making a basic change of how I would do something would make me anxious. Yet, on several occasions I have dealt with emergencies and I have coped well with them.

For instance:

- I was doing some shopping quite anxious and very depressed when a lady came running out of the stockroom shouting for help. I ran in and found a delivery driver with his leg pinned under a fallen truck (the things they pull the crates in on) and I had to lever something underneath to lift it up so he could pull himself out. I had a look at his leg, got the lady to get him a chair and after seeing he was ok I went back to my shopping. After that I was stressing over going to bed early, doing something out of order again.

- I've had a few occasions were someone has fronted up to me with abuse or tried to start a fight. I've talked it out and walked away and one occasion (which I now know is because of how this SNRI is affecting my adrenaline levels and causing some aggression) I was quite happy to get stuck in and felt well up for it. Yet not long after I am walking around a supermarket worrying if I'll be sick or stressing about what TV programme is on as its not a positive one.

Thats how truly irrational this all is. I've said to non sufferers 'if someone attacked you in the street with a knife, how would you feel? Well, thats me brushing my teeth'. Yet the irony is, I doubt it would bother me that much if someone did attack me based on my previous responses because I just handle it. I walked through a gang of lads a few weeks back and I knew one had a pipe with him. Shouldn't I have avoided them like the plague? I felt confident at the time and thought 'I'm not shifting for these idiots' and the result was the one I asked to get past was pleasant enough, no aggro, pipeboy shifted and looked a bit deflated to the girls he was trying to impress. Weird, eh? (I'm not a troublemaker by the way, I avoid trouble where possible for obvious reasons but I want to show this because we need to remember we are not just anxiety disorder sufferers and we shouldn't be judged by that label. I try to smooth things out but sometimes I think stuff it, this is my street too)

My mums in hospital with pneumonia and am I worried? Noy really. I know she's getting excellent care and whilst my dad was in tears at one point as he was so worried, I had my arm around him telling him the positives. Shouldn't I be an absolute mess?

My point is - we have inner strengths mate. How we deal with anxiety is not the same as some of the things we go through in life, we can rise to the challenge even when we can't do the basics.

You just helped that old fella. Think about it. You dealt with a situation that could be a trigger and got in a strangers car and then hiked your way back. You've said before that you struggle talking to people at the centre you go to because you have no confidence to do it - but look at what you just did! Thats more challenging by far.

Anxiety is a strange beast but the fact we struggle with the minor doesn't we are weak people and when challenges come, we seem to push through them. So, right now things are negative with the sleep being one of your biggies. That doesn't mean after an adjustment period that you won't fight your way through. Its not likely to be pleasant, it may be hard but that doesn't measure whether you will get through it. Have faith in yourself.

[gregcool]

Hi Terry..wow what a insite into life..great reading.i loved it..so much good advice in there mate and loved the little storys..i dont have the same confedance level as you tho mate when it comes to confrontation.id run a mile mate..i hope your mum is going to be ok mate.as you say she is in good hands and not realy anything you can do to change things..a very possitive thought ..indeed..i do have some faith but not alot.i wish i did tho..as for the guy i gave directions in hes car,i never thought twice about it..i just knew how lost he was in a town and was getting no where.iv done this before about a year ago,a car pulled over and asked for direction,inside was two polish guys and they wanted directions.in the end i ended up offering to go with them and get them there.again i ended up with a long walk home..thats just the kind of guy i am...i hope i can find that inmer strength when i need it,no one likes feeling dispare...iv been fronted up before to engage in a fight,but all i got was the flight,,no fight and he was half my age..wish i was stronger in this way

[pulisa]

I couldn't agree with Terry more. You do yourself down, Greg. That was such a generous thing to do with the elderly man. You could have just wallowed in your own despair but didn't and showed good old human kindness instead.

I've just taken on a mighty Care Home corporation and won yet...I'm a gibbering wreck and can be overwhelmed by ruminations and HA not to mention other demons. I can stand up for myself when needed yet am floored by trivial issues. There's no logic to it.

[gregcool]

Yes pulisa you are right.i could have just walked away.but i care about people..one random act of kindness..i get so much out of helping others..what do you meen when you say you have taken on a care home etc ? Sorry not sure what you meen..its good you can stick up for yourself.

[pulisa]

Following my father's sudden death. My sister and I accused the care home of neglect and we have just won the case. It's a long story but we were up against a mighty care home corporation and fought them tooth and nail before eventually acquiring damning evidence. I can't say too much about it online though-just wanted to say that even with overwhelming anxiety we can achieve surprising feats.

You've got your daughter back against all odds. You keep going when it would be easier to wallow. You're strong, Greg-you just can't see it. Get yourself off any meds which are not doing you any favours. It'll be tough but so worthwhile. You don't want diabetes on top of everything else and a 3 stone meds-induced weight gain would make you a prime candidate for that.

[gregcool]

Wow good for you for fighting that case and so sorry to hear of your loss.that must be so hard.you are obiously a very strong person yourself.i cant imagin the pain it must have been for you and your family..you are right about my meds,i was told i could get diabities if i stayed on them long term so i def want to come off them i just dont want to go back to not sleeping,but i guess my sleeping patern may return in time...how have you been doing today after not getting much sleep last night ?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Getting in a car with 2 strange blokes to help with directions, Greg? Thats potentially a dangerous situation and...you dealt with it. This is more evidence that you are more capable than you realise, mate.

You noted your mood was better on both occasions. I think this is true for us all because whilst we make put up with doing things when we feel bad, we are open to new challenges when we feel positive. Its nurturing this positive side that you clearly need to do so that you are more instinctively taking challenges on.

---------- Post added at 07:13 ---------- Previous post was at 06:23 ----------

Marie has mentioned something on here that might be useful:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1434498#post1434498

April seems to be going through this process too, Greg. Maybe you have some support that way?

[Crystalhiggs]

How was last night Greg?

[gregcool]

Hi crystal..not good.went to bed at 11.30 as norm.took ages to fall to sleep.then woke up at 4am for no reason.found it very hard to go back.then eventualy fell back,only to wake at 8am..very hard to except this,when for months iv been getting 9-10 hrs solid.going to my docs this afternoon to ask if i can come off this med slower..instead of one night on and one night off,im going to ask if i can have one night on then norm 5mg then the next on 2.5mg and do this for a couple of weeks.then 2.5mg each night for a couple of weeks.then 2.5mg alt nights for a couple of weeks.then 2.5mg every other night for a couple of weeks.thenmaybe 3 times a week and so on..will take a few months but i feel this is a much better taper and easer for me to cope with

[Crystalhiggs]

Oh dear sorry to hear that. Yes after so long with such long sleeps it must be really hard, a gentle taper sounds much more sensible. I only got about 4 hours last night so you're in good company! Saying that I've never had 9-10 hours on a regular basis, 7 was my norm. I suppose it's all relative to what we're used to.

At least you have tonight to look forward to! Good luck at the doctors!

[gregcool]

Thanks crystal..yes a gental taper.they better agree to it..sorry your sleep was crap to..its not nice is it.you end up going to bed dreeding whats to come.i like just getting in bed knowing i will sleep,not this anxiety about it all..fingers crossed we both get some sleep tonight..