View Full Version : Terrible HIV fear from a massage
Hi all. I am in counselling for health anxiety but have a specific phobia - namely HIV. My anxiety is always triggered by massage. For whatever reason, including my own stupidity, I put myself in a situation where I worry the masseuse is going to transmist HIV to me in some extraordinary manner. I say extraordinary because I am not visiting brothels nor having a sexual encounter. In fact, the masseuse is always dressed, I do not let them touch my penis and there is no kissing of any sort. The massage is basically a combination of normal touch and some soft touch. The closest it ever gets to erotic is someone massaging my bum and inner thighs. However, guilt is triggered and my body and brain go into meltdown. I get terrible stomach issues, my face reddens/tenses up and I have awful panicky moments especially in the evening. In my current phase of fear I have been panicking pretty much non stop from the 19th May onwards...I had a bad stomach for a few days but have not been otherwise ill. I am sure my bowels are messed up because of the fear.
Today I went for a very expensive and very good early HIV test? The doctor I used was not particularly reassuring because I KNOW the positions I get myself in are not risky. In fact, I know NO ONE has got HIV from a massage. I know HIV is very very unlikely to transmit outside of a host. I know the masseuse would have to have been bleeding profusely and I would have had to had a big old bleeding cut. And I also know massage oil destabilises HIV too. So, my risk is incredibly low. So incredibly low most doctors would not test. But, I feel terrified. Any re-assurance would be massively helpful and techniques for calm. I receive my results in a week.
I would just re-read your own post. Can't get any more reassuring than that!
Positive thoughts
Yes, thanks but I worry about the WHAT IF scenarios
a)did she have blood I didn't see?
b)did I have a cut on my bum I didn't see?
c)did she spit in my eye or did saliva get into my eye when she did a head massage?
d)did she slightly break my skin with her nails.
Every single one of these seems very very unlikely to have actually happened but also, even if they DID would they have transmitted HIV? Answer - almost certainly no. Why? because of air, oil and probably insufficient viral load. BUT, the answer is ALMOST CERTAINLY not CERTAINLY no. And that's where the fear begins....does that make more sense?
Yes, thanks but I worry about the WHAT IF scenarios
a)did she have blood I didn't see?
b)did I have a cut on my bum I didn't see?
c)did she spit in my eye or did saliva get into my eye when she did a head massage?
d)did she slightly break my skin with her nails.
Every single one of these seems very very unlikely to have actually happened but also, even if they DID would they have transmitted HIV? Answer - almost certainly no. Why? because of air, oil and probably insufficient viral load. BUT, the answer is ALMOST CERTAINLY not CERTAINLY no. And that's where the fear begins....does that make more sense?
Actually no... it doesn't... it's just more self reassurance.
Positive thoughts
I understand that but the fear is still very real. I just struggle to move beyond those circular thoughts. It is like being trapped and is affecting my physical health and mental well being. I think the bit that is so upsetting for me is that my rational brain can read and speak to eminent doctors who treat 1000s of patients each year and those doctors become people I don't intrinsically trust.
I am in counselling for this HIV fear and my general anxieties around illness/death/annilihation. It is a massively iterative process and clearly has bumps along the way. I just want to get the test result and move on.
So, I went for a test today and get an interim result at 5pm today - While it is still within the 28 day period since my last massage I know the tests being used are likely to pick up HIV much earlier so day 15 should provide a good indicator. My stomach is in turmoil. I am just trying to keep myself distracted. I know the odds are miniscule but I cannot relax and move on.
Hi
I'm just about to qualify as a massage therapist and part of my qualification has been performing numerous different massages on different clients, during this time I can honestly say that I have never ever come close to drawing blood on myself or the client.
The fact that we use oils/creams and lotions makes this extremely unlikely because you are putting things on the skin to enable your hands to glide over smoothly without causing any discomfort to your own hands or to the client.
Another point to remember is before any massage is performed the therapist should be asking you to fill in a questionnaire which provides us not only with a general insight into your health but allows us to see if there is anything that might prevent/restrict a treatment. For example if someone has a bruise or any cuts/scratches or damaged areas on their skin we keep well away. If it is minor we will just massage around the area but if it is a large area we will not perform the treatment due to the risk of infection occurring not HIV but the possibility of bacteria getting in and causing a skin infection.
As well as asking you to fill in a health questionnaire we will also do a visual inspection throughout the massage and if anything is noted then you would be told. For example if you had a bruise on you that you failed to mention and it was in an area being treated we would tell you that there was a bruise and we were going to avoid the area so we dont' cause you any further injury or discomfort.
The likelihood of a therapist managing to cut themselves throughout a treatment is virtually nil. The likelihood of a therapist managing to cut themselves, then managing to transfer their blood into a cut you had really isn't even worth considering it wouldn't happen.
Last year I did a Beauty Course and throughout that HIV/Hepatitis was mentioned but that is because we use the same equipment on different clients and it was highlighting the need for correct sterilisation procedures but again the emphasis was on skin infections because although with that there is potentially a risk with things like HIV/Hepatitis you are far more likely to spread a skin infection than anything life threatening.
This year we have covered the risk of infection but I can honestly tell you the things that have come up are Athletes Foot/Veruccas/Cold Sores/Ringworm/Scabies, absolutely at no point have we discussed HIV.
So please stop worrying about this it won't happen and if you are worried speak to your therapist they will be able to reassure you.
thank you for your kind and reassuring words. While the massages I have had have not been sexual they have not been with what I would call professional masseuses. They all claim to be trained and most of them are very good but I have resolved once I get through this process that I will only go to a genuinely proper and upscale spa.
Irrespective of the masseuse I am trying to reassure myself that I've done nothing wrong. I certainly wasn't bleeding anywhere and if i was it was not an open cut and likewise i absolutely know none of the masseuses were bleeding on me. I have of course read every website known to man and I have emailed doctors and not a single one thinks I had a risk....but my mind still will not accept. It is as if something happened that is so extraordinary or so unusual that I missed remembering it or I didn't even see. But, I know that isn't the case.
I have had a test today - the results are due soon. I of course shaking with fear despite all rational sense prevailing.
I have no doubt your test results will be fine, even if they weren't "spa standard masseurs" there is still a basic procedure to follow and they have obviously trained somewhere. I can't imagine that the regulations/rules would be any different.
As you say all you've had is a massage and that has not put your health at risk in any way shape or form. The only thing I would say is the idea of a massage is to destress and relax you and since this seems to be having the opposite effect at the moment you probably would be better going to a beauty salon or somewhere that makes you feel more comfortable, hopefully that way you can go home feeling nice and calm and not worrying.
Take Care and let us know once you get your results back.:yesyes:
Hi - good morning. I got a negative result. Of course the moment it came through I felt total elation and could feel some of my anxiety dissipate. There is still 10% of me which may need to go back for another test at 28 days as the very last massage I had was 15 days ago and apparently the test is only about 80% accurate then. But, even I can see that a negative test now plus the low low/theoretical risk of getting HIV from a massage means that in all likelihood I am negative. Thank you for your kindess.
---------- Post added at 09:06 ---------- Previous post was at 09:03 ----------
sorry i wrote a long reply and i think it didn't send. I got a negative result late last night. While ideally you should wait 28 days for the result (i tested at 15) i know that this is a very good indication i have not got hiv. I may test again at 28 days to be totally sure but i do feel significantly calmer today. I hate myself for being so anxious and panicking. I need to work hard on this with my therapist and doctor. I can totally sympathise with everyone on this board and want to say they are always in my hearts.
Some people are so dismissive of the way you feel 👊 . Things seem real in your mind I get that Hun .
If the massage causes you so much anxiety and worry maybe give it a rest and don't go for a while x
yes agreed. I have decided that. x
Percy99pollen
07-06-15, 22:18
Stop going for massages
I agree with the last poster- stop getting massages. It clearly puts you in such an an anxious state so why subject yourself to that? Massages are supposed to be for relaxation and you certainly don't get that from them.
MyNameIsTerry
08-06-15, 07:38
The issue is one of contamination so whilst avoiding a trigger right now could help reduce your anxiety, you will need to confront it again later otherwise it will still be an avoidance.
Its the same with someone with HA Googling. If you can't say at the end of recovery that you can Google without any of that, you haven't conquered it. This is why therapists build it back in as later exposure to ensure you are allowed the chance to beat it.
agree with last post. I can avoid it but eventually i need to manage it. I see it as a 3 stage process. Where I am now (awful); a reduction in stimuli (avoidance) and finally a realisation of no harm (acceptance). I will probably now however build in some strict criteria for the massage (wearing pants) etc...
thank you for supporting.
MyNameIsTerry
08-06-15, 10:49
Working on Cognitive Restructuring is a good way to retrain your mind prior to heading into the exposure side since its used to prepare your mind to react in a different way so that your level of anxiety/panic is already reduced before entering such situations.
Good luck.
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