JWT1
03-06-15, 14:28
Hi,
This is my first post here and would like to say Hi to everybody. I'm writing because I'm totally at a loss of what to do with a massive problem that I just can't seem to find a solution to and if any kind person can give any advice or identify with what is happening.
My history - Aged 42 and suffered from health anxiety in some form for all of my adult life as well as being a naturally anxious and sensitive person. Approx ten years ago I attempted to become self employed which turned financially disastrously wrong, losing many thousands of pounds and resulted in me having major panic attacks that occured in the day and night for many months. This resulted in my having full left sided body aching for years which was finally diagnosed as myofascial pain disorder by the pain clinic and was helped with taking amitryptaline.
Fast forward to October last year when I had a panic attack out of the blue while in work since not having one for many years. This was very alarming but overcame it thanks to my very understanding boss who sat with me through the ordeal. No more panic attacks occured until I had one in mid november, again in work and again assisted by my boss. I was not particularly stressed in work on both occassions and was doing work I had been doing for the last two years.
Something very alarming then happened on new years eve last year. I was due to visit a different work site for one day which I had not been looking forward to. I woke up in the morning of the day but was very tired and ill feeling, with very sore muscles and very hot. I was absolutely fine the night before. I left the house to travel to work but came back home before boarding the bus because I felt very frail and concerned for my health if I travelled on the bus.
I returned home, informed a relative of what had happened and then felt a lot better but still ill feeling. I later put this down to my being prescribed propranolol by the gp but at a very low dose of 10mg to help with the attacks.
In the new year my panic attacks became very frequent and intensified at work and had to be assisted by my boss and colleagues, and with being taken to hospital on two occasions. I was then signed off work for one month but the panic attacks continued at home in the day and night when asleep. These then evolved to having them when out with family and my daughter and so I became afraid to go outside alone or with my daughter and very quickly developed agoraphobia. I was thrown many difference meds by the doctor over the next few weeks including zoloft and citalpram. Both of these gave the most awful side effects including suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming my family in the house and many other awful physical feelings and both were stopped by me after several days.
After some months of this I began having widespread physical pain in my muscles, tendons and ligaments. I suspected fibromyalgia but was not fatigued during the day and my aching body recovers as the day goes and so felt fibro was not the culprit. The doc then threew other meds to me in an attempt to cure me, including Lyrica, gabapentin and just recently cymbalta. Lyrica was awful for days and so stopped, gaba did nothing for the pain but did initially improve my sleep but then none and I have held off the cymbalta because a) I am doubtful of it being successful and b) I've had one too many awful side effects to want any more.
The current situation is very frustrating and continually upsetting. I have identified a pattern in my mental and physical discomfort but cannot find a way to break it. I go to bed feeling well after my body has recovered through the day from the night before but then after being asleep I wake up with the widespread aching and other problems. These episodes can wake me up after being a sleep for one hour or five hours, there is no time pattern to them. A lot of the time it can be very distressing because I wake up in a half sleep and can feel the progression of what what is happening to my through my body. I can feel my muscles contracting one my one until it is widespread, followed by a quickening of my breathing and heart rate, burning acid reflux and full body shaking. I also feel very angry in my head at the time this is happening and a feeling that I want to lash out at somebody which is very scary. I eventually go back to sleep, frequently after being awake for hours afterwards, but will be very sore on waking which then worsens when I stand up and start shaking again. Its all very upsetting and happening every night. The daytime panic attacks have stopped but have been replaced by this night time problem.
I have some theories of my own. I have been living back with my parents since May last year to save money and this has come with its own stressors. I am close to my parents but have given them many upsetting and worrying moments because of this. Moving in may have possibly started my panic attacks off but I am uncertain. I have also been having a mental battle for many years about my personal out of work ambitions but have never been able to come to a decision about my direction with it, have been constantly changing my mind with options for all this time without any resolve and which often makes me feel miserable and angry with myself. I have vowed today to ditch all my thoughts on these options because of how miserable and inadequate they have been making me feel for a long time. This could possible be the cause of me problems but again am I am unsure. Could the daytime panic attacks have snowballed to agoraphobia then night time panic/anxiety attacks have set in and the widespread pain caused from the muscular tension in my sleep? My mum thinks all of this is because of anxiety and the devasting impact it can have.
I feel like my whole life is on hold because of this constant nightmare night time and morning loop. I am wanting to move out of my parents house but feel very unsure about it because of how I feel each morning (even though I feel great in the evening) and am wanting to return to work after four months of being off. I was very concerned at one point of my having a neurogical disorder such as MS because of the shaking but now feel this is not the case but my doc has referred me to a neurologist. I was tested and diagnosed as having severe vitamin d deficiency six weeks ago and prescribed very high dose supplements but has not improved things which I was hoping it would. I am now considering taking a low dose of amitryptaline to help me sleep at night if ditching my personal ambition worries doesn't work or maybe trying a herbal solution such as valerian but am unsure.
I apologize for my very lengthly post but there has been so much that has happened in the last few months that I needed to get it all off my chest and am desperately needing to get on with my life. I very much appreciate any advice that can be given by anybody who can relate to all this and thanks for taking the time to read my post.
John.
This is my first post here and would like to say Hi to everybody. I'm writing because I'm totally at a loss of what to do with a massive problem that I just can't seem to find a solution to and if any kind person can give any advice or identify with what is happening.
My history - Aged 42 and suffered from health anxiety in some form for all of my adult life as well as being a naturally anxious and sensitive person. Approx ten years ago I attempted to become self employed which turned financially disastrously wrong, losing many thousands of pounds and resulted in me having major panic attacks that occured in the day and night for many months. This resulted in my having full left sided body aching for years which was finally diagnosed as myofascial pain disorder by the pain clinic and was helped with taking amitryptaline.
Fast forward to October last year when I had a panic attack out of the blue while in work since not having one for many years. This was very alarming but overcame it thanks to my very understanding boss who sat with me through the ordeal. No more panic attacks occured until I had one in mid november, again in work and again assisted by my boss. I was not particularly stressed in work on both occassions and was doing work I had been doing for the last two years.
Something very alarming then happened on new years eve last year. I was due to visit a different work site for one day which I had not been looking forward to. I woke up in the morning of the day but was very tired and ill feeling, with very sore muscles and very hot. I was absolutely fine the night before. I left the house to travel to work but came back home before boarding the bus because I felt very frail and concerned for my health if I travelled on the bus.
I returned home, informed a relative of what had happened and then felt a lot better but still ill feeling. I later put this down to my being prescribed propranolol by the gp but at a very low dose of 10mg to help with the attacks.
In the new year my panic attacks became very frequent and intensified at work and had to be assisted by my boss and colleagues, and with being taken to hospital on two occasions. I was then signed off work for one month but the panic attacks continued at home in the day and night when asleep. These then evolved to having them when out with family and my daughter and so I became afraid to go outside alone or with my daughter and very quickly developed agoraphobia. I was thrown many difference meds by the doctor over the next few weeks including zoloft and citalpram. Both of these gave the most awful side effects including suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming my family in the house and many other awful physical feelings and both were stopped by me after several days.
After some months of this I began having widespread physical pain in my muscles, tendons and ligaments. I suspected fibromyalgia but was not fatigued during the day and my aching body recovers as the day goes and so felt fibro was not the culprit. The doc then threew other meds to me in an attempt to cure me, including Lyrica, gabapentin and just recently cymbalta. Lyrica was awful for days and so stopped, gaba did nothing for the pain but did initially improve my sleep but then none and I have held off the cymbalta because a) I am doubtful of it being successful and b) I've had one too many awful side effects to want any more.
The current situation is very frustrating and continually upsetting. I have identified a pattern in my mental and physical discomfort but cannot find a way to break it. I go to bed feeling well after my body has recovered through the day from the night before but then after being asleep I wake up with the widespread aching and other problems. These episodes can wake me up after being a sleep for one hour or five hours, there is no time pattern to them. A lot of the time it can be very distressing because I wake up in a half sleep and can feel the progression of what what is happening to my through my body. I can feel my muscles contracting one my one until it is widespread, followed by a quickening of my breathing and heart rate, burning acid reflux and full body shaking. I also feel very angry in my head at the time this is happening and a feeling that I want to lash out at somebody which is very scary. I eventually go back to sleep, frequently after being awake for hours afterwards, but will be very sore on waking which then worsens when I stand up and start shaking again. Its all very upsetting and happening every night. The daytime panic attacks have stopped but have been replaced by this night time problem.
I have some theories of my own. I have been living back with my parents since May last year to save money and this has come with its own stressors. I am close to my parents but have given them many upsetting and worrying moments because of this. Moving in may have possibly started my panic attacks off but I am uncertain. I have also been having a mental battle for many years about my personal out of work ambitions but have never been able to come to a decision about my direction with it, have been constantly changing my mind with options for all this time without any resolve and which often makes me feel miserable and angry with myself. I have vowed today to ditch all my thoughts on these options because of how miserable and inadequate they have been making me feel for a long time. This could possible be the cause of me problems but again am I am unsure. Could the daytime panic attacks have snowballed to agoraphobia then night time panic/anxiety attacks have set in and the widespread pain caused from the muscular tension in my sleep? My mum thinks all of this is because of anxiety and the devasting impact it can have.
I feel like my whole life is on hold because of this constant nightmare night time and morning loop. I am wanting to move out of my parents house but feel very unsure about it because of how I feel each morning (even though I feel great in the evening) and am wanting to return to work after four months of being off. I was very concerned at one point of my having a neurogical disorder such as MS because of the shaking but now feel this is not the case but my doc has referred me to a neurologist. I was tested and diagnosed as having severe vitamin d deficiency six weeks ago and prescribed very high dose supplements but has not improved things which I was hoping it would. I am now considering taking a low dose of amitryptaline to help me sleep at night if ditching my personal ambition worries doesn't work or maybe trying a herbal solution such as valerian but am unsure.
I apologize for my very lengthly post but there has been so much that has happened in the last few months that I needed to get it all off my chest and am desperately needing to get on with my life. I very much appreciate any advice that can be given by anybody who can relate to all this and thanks for taking the time to read my post.
John.